Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Wake up and see there's a divorce

Some of you ask why I have to move out instead of WAW. The way the rough draft of the D agreement looks I will have to leave until the house is sold I have an appointment with a lawyer later this week

It looks like a divorce is in my future. My daughterante having a great time. We haven't formally told our D. Except my W told her that mom and dad would be getting a D. I thought we agreed that we would tell her together but somehow my W decided she knew better. So much for taking our D to a counsellor. One comment was made that I am putting my D in the middle. After I found out what I was doing I stopped and learned to bite my tongue. I did not realize how much I was hurting her.

I have been keeping what my D says in confidence b/c I care too much for her.

I have to say I love my daughter so much. My future XW is working late tonight. My daughter came out and said mom told me you two are getting a D. She said that maybe I will find someone who loves me. I cried after hearing this. I asked my D14 how she grew up so fast. Said I know you and mom have been unhappy for such a long time. I was amazed at what she said. Maybe she was DB'ing as much as me. I can tell you I haven't felt so much relief in such a long time.

I told my D she is always welcomed in my home and i will give her a key to my house.

I feel truly bless to have the daughter that I do

Fixer

If I may Fixer? I venture to believe the relief you felt at your daughter saying that is that she knows and that she still loves you/ doesn't blame you.

Know what? I suspect you tore yourself up for years over that moment.

I point that out so you don't do it again

Of all the people I would say congratulations to, you're the first on my list. I think it's good for you to be able to move on and start really healing.

Good luck Fixer. I think you'll find that your daughter is pretty wise

AJ

Thanks AJM,

You're so right I tortured myself for many years and dreading the day of telling our D we are getting a divorce. My D has such a big heart. Our days together will severely be limited but the quality of the our time spent is priceless.

My friends and co-workers can see a big change in me. Some told me I don't look so gray. Another friend mentioned how relieved I look.

I am not supporting divorce. My W is a good person. She's just not a good wife. Honestly, I should have been more cautious. She was seeing a counselor before I met her but he moved his practice and she never looked for another one.

Whoever reads my posts please keep on DB'ing. It prepares you for future relationships. Hopefully with your spouse.

Fixer,

Maybe I missed it, but has your daughter told you she would like to stay the majority of time with your W? I believe at her age she could choose who she'd like to live with?

At the least would 50/50 be possible?

You've given this your all. Best of luck to you!

Rough Divorce Settlement = not happening yet, until you decide what you want. Just because your WAW wants certain things in the D, does not mean she gets it. Do NOT play her game now, at the end. By the sounds of it, she has given you very little, emotionally speaking, so why should you give into her every demand. Nr. 1 - if you want the house, then fight for it (within reason, not spending too much on legal fees, iow). Nr. 2 - if you want D14 to live with you, then fight for her. Your WAW wants out, why should you lose everything?

Hope you seeing that lawyer.

Fixer, I wish you the very best. I will say that you no longer need to torture yourself. You are not giving in or giving her the divorce. She is asserting it. She is doing it. It's not that you didn't try or do everything you could. You didn't make a mistake, Fixer. This is her and her choices.

Remember that as you move forward.

Hold your head up high knowing your integrity is sound and your heart is big. There is a time to acknowledge what is, is. When you get there, remember that as well and that it is not failure to do so.

Peace,
AJ

I felt a sense of relief after seeing my lawyer. She told me my w lawyer isn't very good. Some worries I had were quickly put to rest. We laughed over the situation I'm in. I also made it clear that I want as much time with my D that I can have with her. It has never been about the money so even if I have to pay a lot I still want this time with my D.

That's good fixer. I do highly suggest you not focus on the material things. Those can be taken, but they can also be replaced. Some things cannot be replaced and time with your D is one of those.

You are spot on Fixer. Keep walking the walk...


Peace,

AJ

I don't think there's another person in my future XW life. I want to write this somewhere in case it does happen. I think her GF is setting her up with an older gentleman (P). Has his own place and everyone thinks he's a nice guy. Has plenty of toys just like the OM she had an EA with. Only time will tell but my daughter is slowly learning his native language. For her to pick this up so quickly especially when she failed her Spanish classes gets me thinking.

I'm okay with this if it happens but this might be why my DBing took a turn for the worse. The same GF set me and my wife up so I have some idea of what to expect. Sunday dinners over his house with my D so she can get to know him. Trips to the beach in the summer were they can enjoy time together while my D plays in the surf. These were things I asked my wife to do but she didn't know if she wanted to do them.

Right now this is all speculation. I don't want another father figure in my Ds life. I already don't have enough time with her. She's 14 soon to be 15 and she's growing up so fast.

Fixer