I am just recollecting things and seeing what went wrong with our marraige.
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
1. I should have not left her alone for my job while she was pregnant, we discussed and she said it was only a year and we decided I will travel every 2 wks. She travelled to me on couple of weekends.During this time she was close to my parents and sister and I thought that would help.
2. I would have just took money out of our arguments, I would have not made it equal share, I should have paid all, which I was doing toward last year
3. Could have had a better relation with her mom, called her regularly, sent gifts, wanted to know what was going on in her life.
4. There were things which W was thinking and planning, which I should have been more aware. I should have had better emotional connection.
5 . Should have recognized that she had anger issues and asked for treatment or counseling before a gridlock like this.
6. I would have had better attitude and made it lighter for her to work around me and her mother
7. I was adjusting but after a battle and argument
8. Would have had some job regularly and not stay home and appear less productive, while she was working for about 2-3 mths and being productive.
9. A little more upbeat and cheerful and fun loving, bring joy and be more sociable and outgoing
10. I would have took her to vacations in Bahamas or somewhere exotic
11. I would have done what every she wanted and follow her and allow her to make all the decisions, not sure if it is realistic
12. Could have cut the grass, the first time she asked me. Or did things the first time she asked......
13. Could have talked to her deeply and connected to see what she needed the most and provided it, 5 LL
14. Should have been a good friend and helper, which I was but respect was an issue which started deteriorating
15. Should have created a system to diffuse high tension arguments, looked for help out side us and made some thing accountable and have remedial recovery process.
16. Have some form of repair process in place, like couselling, family around. Close friends and couples to relate.
17. Should have had positive emotional bank account for longer peroids. And made sure it was never negative, act fast to make it postive, had regular checks to see the general health of this account.
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I am just thinking out load, putting my ego aside and just being good, I was moved by newton and when you are in conflict you just are fighting for what you want and loose track of the important which is the relation and the kid I have 2 yr old
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
1. I wish she was more patient and less irritable with small thing that upset, like the house is messy with toys, toilet lid is not on, if I am busy, she would not relate that to I don't care.
2. She was less stubborn and controlling to do only her way but also adjust to what I have to say and do
3. I wish she respected me more and appreciated what I do and did in the past
4. I wish she was less money minded and would judge things on long term value
5. I wish she didnot compare and feel she has less and not have this grass is greener on other side and feel bad syndrome
6. Wish she has a mind of her own and would get less influenced and dependent to her mom.
7. I wish she complains less and see the good in the situation and be happy with what she has now.
8 I wish she was not condescending and compare her self with me and not judge me with my current situation or look for my weak areas and us them to gain power.
9. I wish she was humble and have patience and decency to process information when she is that rage stage.
10. I wish she looks at the postive things in me and demphasize my negatives.
11. I wish she learns my love language and could change how she deals with me.
12 Wish she could be fair and use then same standard for herself and for me.
13. Wish she was a bit easy going and let go of past disappointments.
14. I wish she would forgive and forget the past and not have a laundry list of negative events ready to throw in an argument, just to win.
15. I wish she was more focused on my son and me and develop her family.
16. I wish she was more respectfully to my family and would not keep count of things.
17. I wish she was less bossy and would not be control freak and she be honest and be straight forward and express hidden issues.
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
Good list. Many times the LBS puts the WAS on a pedestal forgetting that their WAS was not "perfect". We all have our flaws. We learn to deal with them and accept people as they are. That's the healthy way. So the next time your W tells what she perceives as your flaws, think on this list.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
We focused on child care, wanted more time with son, I have every other weekend now, once I get safe place I can take him overnight. I got a new car seat. I was nervous, did not know what she would throw at us. We took money out of the equation, agreed on what every she wanted, did not want to argue, just wanted to move on and focus on sontime and leave the relation agenda for now, she texted me saying S health is not well and he need his nap time. I said I be fine with 4-7 rather than 10-6 this week. she emails me saying certain time adjustments with his napping, i said I am fine. She was planing dates, sent an email yest, I said ok via text, short and to the point. I said if you needed help with S or any thing just let me know, since she mentioned his health so many times. She sent dates, so as before I asked her if she would upload it in google calender, she said it all your and your responsibility to do all that , I said I will do it. She started texting my parents and sister saying why you guys did not talk to me for this long. Which we did she wouldnt repond to even in an emergency, Why didnt you talk to me in the court, she just did not make any eye contact to any of us and just walked out, she wanted us to come and talk to her, but she was not humble to even have friendly eye contact or even a hello when we were close, I made non specific comment about weather to break the awkward silence with us and our lawyers Why are you not on my side, you all should support me rather than H. Dont know why she is expecting us to talk to her They just kept quite and I thought it good not to react and take some time, write some thing sensible, allow things to processes I think she was nervous and she looked pale, I am having tough time knowg what to and how much to communicate, lines are open now
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
