First I want to apologize for my English, I have the double handicap of not speaking my W's language properly and having a whole set of different culture to overcome.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Just b/c you might have him alone for a day, or 5, does not mean you want that long term. IT may well just be a tactic. I don't know.
Well, it is the continuation of the "asking more time with my son" thing. Granted, those many days all of a sudden, might seem like a manipulation, a shock or something, so I'll try to not be too rigid on the demand.
Quote:
it means going from almost zero contact with your son, and zero ALONE time, to full time for 4 or 5 days AND OVER NIGHTS? Um, I think that is NOT going to happen.
It is the first time I have days off from work. I have accumulated them, that's why there's so many in such a short period of time before the year end.
I sent another email saying she could spend periods of time with us until he gets comfy getting off with me.
Quote:
AND it's near the holidays, so your wife will probably see this as a wrench in the engine, designed to stress her out at exactly the wrong time.
To ease the monkey wrench thing, I'll say it was just an idea we can talk about it..
Quote:
Also, I did NOT realize you were separated since last Christmas.
. When we "decided" to move, she said she'd go ahead and prepare things for my arrival and start university, while I took care of the stuff in France. She left before Xmas 2011 to catch it with her parents last year. With hour lag and distance, things grew cold, and she threw the bomb in June 2012, right before I moved. I arrived in July 2012. Clearer now?
Quote:
We know you were in reaction mode. But why not ask her the next day?
Why not pick up the phone and call her to talk? What's with all the emails?
This last comment made me laugh so hard. I still have tears running down my cheeks. Oh, it's a good day today... W doesn't have a cell phone, and the home phone is also the parents phone. And, I have noticed she isn't too talkative on the telephone in general anyway. I am always interrupting something, I don't know. So, the only mean of communication left was, the email... Having said that, I make the most of my "visit time", and update and try to find what's what, like I will this afternoon.
Quote:
so you seem to be clear on THIS^^^...but nothing else. Are you sure?
As I said, my twice a week visits allow me little room for questions and deep talk, especially as, I remind everybody, there's always the mother or the father ALONG...! Yes, weirdo, I know.
Quote:
why is this "obvious"? Did you two even discuss it? Wasn't the first time you've asked for him ALONE, just last week?
I asked several times before to spend more time with him, even alone with him. But they insisted on supervised visits, and only when they could, which happened to be twice a week.
Quote:
"there is no more doubt about the fact that..." Bruce, this isn't math or an engineering problem. There IS doubt. Nothing has been "proved" by you...that takes far more time. These seem to be symbolic gestures and I'm not sure you have reasonable expectations.
Yes, there is no logic in all of it, I have to not rely on what I perceive, but strive to see how she sees things too.
Quote:
did you simply assume since SHE did not contact YOU this week, you HAD to use the court proceeding?...Bruce, you act as if this is all clear to us but it's not.
It is clear to me that she is unwilling to get separated to our son. The only way out, unfortunately, is to use the court. When I said three weeks ago I would file to have more time with my son, the only thing she found clever to do was to run to her lawyer to beat me to the clock and file for D and ask in her filing to have 100% of son <-- one more proof.. It didn't work so well for her, because I issued a counterpetition, asking for 50% of son, and now, she wants me to drop it...
Quote:
I just don't believe you two talk very much...and not directly.
CORRECT ! How can I with two visits a week, and a dad that looks over my shoulder all the time?
Quote:
Where is the goal of Bruce becoming the best man and father he can become? Where is your goal of personal growth?
Included in the general objective too.
Quote:
The "basic right" a father has, is one which you never asserted til now, so please stop playing the victim AGAIN...and
Not to belabor the point, but like we said, you have not even changed a diaper of his in almost 2 years.
Seriously, you cannot expect this number of days to have him OR to have his mother not see him for that long...it's not going to happen this holiday.
Again, if she refuses I will take it graciously. It's all I have been doing until now. They set up the times, and places and lengths of visitations, and I didn't fight back. They slapped me right in the face, and I turned the other cheek. They have treated me like a criminal with their supervised visits, and it's an humiliation to be treated like that, and yet, I responded with kindness and goodness. I asked more time with my son, and they spat on my face by saying no, and having the nerve to file and ask the court 100% custody.
All of you are right, I will no longer be victim of such blatant arrogance and disdain. I will fight for my son. And between us, I don't need to learn to change a diaper, lift the legs, clean the bum, put a new one. Done !
Quote:
good. How will you find out and when? Hurry up. Don't take too long, or what she meant might well change...[quote] Yeah, DB book says to not show to much hurryness, so, today is a good time to ask her out.
[quote] b/c she's living at her parents and having to care for her son full time. I don't know what she is doing for work or school...do you know?
Difficult to gather information when the visits are so short, but I gathered she works part time on certain days, and school other days, part time too I suppose.
Yes, I have contacted a DB coach, and it hasn't been super useful. Might try again int he new year if things go awry.
Quote:
how are you being "too nice"? What kindness and loving things did you DO lately?
I'm always smily, give words of encouragement, compliments, listen to her, ask questions, etc... we spend good time during the visits. I can't give her gifts all the time, and physical touch is out of the equation for now.
Quote:
Plus, If she has nothing to lose by fighting you, she'll fight you. Where is her incentive to work with you?)
like she hasn't been fighting until now?
Quote:
[color:#FF0000] I don't understand why you'd leave at the holidays. Why aren't you going to share some of the holidays with him?
Did you talk to your lawyer? I can see why you don't want to be alone but if you and your wife could speak to each other you might have been able to share some of the holiday like other couples.
I told her in November I had a plane ticket back, but if she wanted, in a heartbeat I'd stay. She said it was not a good idea for separated people to spend Christmas together and that she'd work during the holidays anyway. Now that the situation has evolved, I could re-submit my proposition. I stay, if we could spend xmas together.
Quote:
Good luck Bruce. And to reiterate, I totally support your goal of time with your son.
Thank you. I hope I made it clearer this time, and I'll try and be more progressive in my approach of getting more time with young Bruce.
Me:34 ; W:28 Son: almost 2. Married : 14 March 2009 DBomb : 18 June 2012 Separated since Jan 2012 (different countries) Same country and city since July 2012
Hey Bruce I don't have time now to respond much to your post.
But would it be insane to buy your wife a cell phone (SO YOU CAN CALL YOUR SON)
or talk to her in an emergency? It could be a low minute usage phone and not very expensive and it would assist you in communicating with her more directly.
IF your son were older, you'd buy him one. So in a way you could say it's for that.
I mean, it would obviously make it easier if she wants to "work SOMETHING out with you"...right?
If you give it without ANY emotional expecations, but merely to improve the ability to contact each other
especially in an emergency OR school matter (someday) involving your son, this makes sense.
Meanwhile you could text her as well. And maybe say "goodnight" to your son every night. Make it about HIM...
Just an idea.
Also why didn't your DB coach help? I have never heard a bad or even mediocre review although not all are successful. Mine happened to be perfect for my situation. Whatever I tell you that is useful, came from her in some form.
What did they suggest that you tried, which failed,
OR did you not want to try their approach?
Specifically, what went wrong?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Hello, Now I am completely lost. I recognize I have no clue on what's what. W responded I could pick my son up from 3 to 5 today. I replied ok and I'd come. (Btw, for the other dates, she is proposing me to pick him up for 2 hour stretches per day. I'll say later this week I want him the WHOLE fricking day, and sleep-overs too!) When I arrived at "her" place, sure enough my S was ready to go, but no sight of her. Her parents told me she "was sleeping". Fair enough.
I took S to the mall, he was amazed about riding the escalator by himself (for the first time I imagine without being held). Then took him home and played with him with a truck, told him a Bible story and because time flies, brought him back. So far, so almost good.
--> Well, what was not my surprise, W did not come to say hi, she was upstairs "studying". I asked her dad if I could speak with her, to which he said he was best to write an email. I politely insisted saying I needed to see her face to face because I had things to tell her and it would only take two minutes, he said no, I must make arrangements by email. To put it mildly, I was "annoyed" at that little man. Worse, that little man has the nerve to call himself a christian and plays the elder in church.
Now, I always felt her parents weren't super nice to me, but still didn't know what they thought. I needn't any more proof, they clearly don't like me, and have probably instructed their daughter on what to do all along.
This comes as quite a shock because prior to picking S up, I just had sent an email saying that it'd be good to talk about how we could work things out between us. (Remember, I wanted to clarify what she meant, and all..) I ended up not seeing W at all, and her dad being very clear about his position.
I decided to not call their home, or write an email today, as I am still very upset about that setback.
My interpretation is that, seeing that by law she'd have to give S up, her plans are thwarted. And my request to have S potentially could be used to say to the court : "see, I asked for S but she refused". Her attempt to keep it all for herself having failed, she took it badly, and she is playing :"you want to have him, fine! but I won't be nice to you anymore."
Tell me if I'm wrong somewhere, but in a sense, she lost the game (I know it's not a game, I'm using an image), and she's trying to get back at me the best she can.
What should be my reaction now? - Tell her that I appreciate the effort she's doing in allowing her to spend time with my son? - Wish her good luck for her exam on Thursday? Not mention anything? - Say too bad we didn't have a chance to talk on Sunday, but keep proposing to talk to her? - Tell her we can stop the petitions if we could arrange ourselves decent times with our son? - Tell her how the visit went, or keep silent about it? - Nevermind what she does or doesn't and keep asking for time with him?
I am so very angry now. A multitude of thoughts are racing up there. I'd better sleep on it, and wait for your un-emotionnal and wise advice.
Thank you so much, Bruce.
Me:34 ; W:28 Son: almost 2. Married : 14 March 2009 DBomb : 18 June 2012 Separated since Jan 2012 (different countries) Same country and city since July 2012
Your main, if not only, focus right now should be on becoming a father she can trust. And it is slow baby steps to earn that trust. It is also slow baby steps to learn all you need to learn about taking care of a toddler! ... you can get a bond like you have never known between you and your son.
Thank you for sharing your story and how you felt about your H helping out. My fist unsupervised time with S went well, but it was only 2 hours. So it was easy. Didn't have to change the diaper, although he was smelling when I brought him back. (but if I took the time to change him, then I would have been late, and sure enough, I'd have a lecture on how to be on time).
For the moment I will seek more time with S, and learn to take care of a 20 month toddler. However, you felt that your H was a great dad and a poor H. I hope I become not only a super dad, but that W will also see me as super H... it wasn't the case with you apparently... and I don't want to be just the former and not the latter...
Me:34 ; W:28 Son: almost 2. Married : 14 March 2009 DBomb : 18 June 2012 Separated since Jan 2012 (different countries) Same country and city since July 2012
Hello, Now I am completely lost. I recognize I have no clue on what's what. W responded I could pick my son up from 3 to 5 today. I replied ok and I'd come. (Btw, for the other dates, she is proposing me to pick him up for 2 hour stretches per day. I'll say later this week I want him the WHOLE fricking day, and sleep-overs too!) well don't say it like that^^^...ask your lawyer what your exact rights are as of now, before you push for more. To HER, this is all new.
When I arrived at "her" place, sure enough my S was ready to go, but no sight of her. Her parents told me she "was sleeping". Fair enough. Sounds as if she doesn't want to see you in person Bruce. I know that hurts but she sounded resolute in the letter and for now, she's not willing to meet face to face. Let it go. You cannot force her. Let go of what you cannot control, and your life will be much easier.
I took S to the mall, he was amazed about riding the escalator by himself (for the first time I imagine without being held). Don't nitpick, "imagine" or negate HER way with your son. Just be happy about what YOUR experience was. This is not a contest. For emphasis, I'll repeat that. This is NOT a contest.
Then took him home and played with him with a truck, told him a Bible story and because time flies, brought him back. So far, so almost good.
--> Well, what was not my surprise, W did not come to say hi, she was upstairs "studying". I asked her dad if I could speak with her, to which he said he was best to write an email.
Then drop it. Do NOT insist or persist. Just drop it. The more stink you make about it, the more frightening and distasteful it is for ALL concerned.
The more relaxed you appear, the better. When you are a relaxed happy man who just took his son out to play, her refusal to see you will appear more unreasonable.
The bigger deal you make of it, the angrier you get, the easier it is to see YOU as the bad weird guy who pushes people around. "No wonder she won't see him!" Your anger is not your friend.
I politely insisted saying I needed to see her face to face because I had things to tell her and it would only take two minutes, he said no, I must make arrangements by email.
Time for you to go, politely LEAVE AND STAY CALM...!
To put it mildly, I was "annoyed" at that little man. Worse, that little man has the nerve to call himself a christian and plays the elder in church.
First, lose the anger and arrogance. Calling him a 'little man" gets you nowhere. And mocking his religious views is very self serving & convenient, and hypocritical.
Do you call yourself a Christian? Did you cherish & honor your wife, put her needs ahead of yours? etc... It goes both ways.
Again, lose the anger. It's your enemy now.
Now, I always felt her parents weren't super nice to me, but still didn't know what they thought. I needn't any more proof, they clearly don't like me, and have probably instructed their daughter on what to do all along.
Two things surprise me here. First, That you'd blame THEM for "instructing" her is ridiculous. She lived with you in France, without them, and you didn't help out at all with a new baby.
(Did you really really read my post to you about what its' like to become a mother the first time?)
She had no family around but you. You effectively abandoned her AND played the victim. You didn't help at all with your son. You bought yourself more toys and retreated b/c YOU FELT "neglected".
It sounded a LOT like you resented your son...in fact I'm sure that's how it looked to her. She was with you and they were not there telling her bad things about you. She saw you first hand. And you two fought and she told you what her views and needs were, and you did NOT go along with any of them. When she was sad, you called it "sulking/bad humor" and you retreated more...God forbid you reach out to her to comfort her...
Her letter to you says that very thing..."too different in our priorities about family time" and "not the same values", it was clear that her departure did not come out of nowhere.
So her parents were NOT a factor in this, in my opinion. It's silly to blame them. that's like blaming her lawyer for what comes next.
SECOND, What also surprises me here is that you don't seem the least bit interested in WHY they don't like you. So either you already know why and don't care, or you don't know but you truly don't care at all.
That's odd. it would drive me nuts if my in laws didn't like me. I'd for sure know why b/c I'd have tried to get them to like me and get them to know me. I'd have spent TIME with them and gotten to know THEM...
I'd have done my VERY best to show them my very best AND that if nothing else, I'd be a good wife to their son...which is why my r with my inlaws was/is good.
This comes as quite a shock because prior to picking S up, I just had sent an email saying that it'd be good to talk about how we could work things out between us. (Remember, I wanted to clarify what she meant, and all..) That's what YOU told her. But what had SHE said in return? Anything? So your expectations were based only on what you wanted. Those expectations were not met. You were then shocked by that. Bruce, Do you get what I mean here? Do you see what I'm getting at?
I ended up not seeing W at all, and her dad being very clear about his position. I decided to not call their home, or write an email today, as I am still very upset about that setback.
Good thinking! Seriously, BACK OFF and WAIT...I'd say that's progress. Take your time when you are angry and post here FIRST,
b/c while we may not know what it takes to GET a spouse back home, most of us know a LOT of ways to push them farther away...
My interpretation is that, seeing that by law she'd have to give S up, her plans are thwarted. And my request to have S potentially could be used to say to the court : "see, I asked for S but she refused". Her attempt to keep it all for herself having failed, she took it badly, and she is playing :"you want to have him, fine! but I won't be nice to you anymore." Stop the mind reading. IT's ALL negative so it's probably not accurate and it's definitely counter productive. IT serves no purpose to read negatively into things. It fuels your anger AND there are other interpretations I have of her behavior anyhow.
Like she doesn't want to be around you. It's not as if she was around you a lot, before. Sure she may be angry that you want half custody, considering she feels that it's all b/c she filed.
So She may fear losing her temper...OR she may be very uncomfortable that you two are in fact in divorce proceedings, and not many people want to be around someone who wants their son half time.
I think she has a lot of FEAR...fear about losing her son to you, and you taking him to France b/c you hate where you are now and have made it abundantly clear you do not want to live there. How can she imagine that you'd stick around to share him half time, when you think it's a horrible place?
She may also be angry at you, but you don't seem aware of why that might be...OTHER than recently filing, but I think her anger goes deeper and farther back.
I would not blame her father or parents at all for any of this either, btw. They are doing what they can to protect their daughter and grandson. They don't think much of you, PERHAPS, b/c they have not seen much of you for a year...
and NOW you are making demands to see your son....whom they have been caring for nearly a year now, when your wife is gone or busy.
Tell me if I'm wrong somewhere, but in a sense, she lost the game (I know it's not a game, I'm using an image), and she's trying to get back at me the best she can. Get back at you, By doing what? By Not seeing you? I think she's protecting herself for now. How did you two talk last week? Was anyone else around?
And I'm not sure about what she has lost yet. I feel like you might be projecting there b/c you feel powerless. And Bruce, we all have felt that way. But you are not powerless. Just focus on what you CAN control, which is you.
What should be my reaction now? - Tell her that I appreciate the effort she's doing in allowing her to spend time with my son? No, b/c it's what you should have been doing all along. And you have the right to be with him. Do not blame her for not seeing him sooner, but do not act as if she's doing you a favor either. A 2 hour visit is not a favor. But An overnight, anytime soon, would be.
- Wish her good luck for her exam on Thursday? Not mention anything? If she initates contact, or in an email, you may mention it as an aside polite thing...but don't initiate it to make small talk. - Say too bad we didn't have a chance to talk on Sunday, but keep proposing to talk to her? NO, Say nothing of wanting to speak with her. She already knows that. Saying it again only makes you look pushier than you already did in their house. Complaining about it, is complaining about it even if you think you disguise it by saying "too bad"... - Tell her we can stop the petitions if we could arrange ourselves decent times with our son? Maybe this^^^^later...b/c
She may think it's a tactic to get contact w/her, which it probably is. And it's too soon for that. So later on this might work but I'd hold off for now. - Tell her how the visit went, or keep silent about it? - Nevermind what she does or doesn't and keep asking for time with him? Maybe these two...^^^ In an email, you may mention what you two did but make sure you leave out the snide remarks "finally didn't have to be held, going up an escalator"...
((Oh & and btw, a 20 month old ought to be holding hands with someone on an escalator, so I'll assume he held a guardrail?? Since I'm a L, all I read about are problems and I can sound and be paranoid, but most mothers are too..
did you know kids get caught in those things on a yearly basis, and their shoelaces cause problems, and the strings around their hoods too...which strangles them? No lie. Look it up. Most of the fatalities are with toddlers.))
your wife might freak out if you tell her he want up it "by himself" --which I ASSUME means you were with him, but just not holding him...right??
So tell her he was "excited/fascinated" by it, and whatever else you two did. Tell her the story you read to him and how big he is, how fun he is for you and how happy it makes you to spend time with him...and explain that being with him REALLY IS a goal of yours. Have you told her what your father was like and how that's a goal of yours? Does she know and like your dad?
Have you ever apologized for not "getting it" sooner, not realizing sooner how great it is to be with him and how much regret you have for missing out,
and that's another reason you have for needing/wanting more time with him now? That you "get it"...finally??? Better late than never. This would show change without also pursuing an agenda with her.
You catch more flies with honey than vinegar...that's a way of saying by being kind, (but fatherly to your son) you'll have more success than by being angry.
I am so very angry now. A multitude of thoughts are racing up there. I'd better sleep on it, and wait for your un-emotionnal and wise advice.
Thank you so much, Bruce.
Back off any & all requests for in person talks with her. Seriously....she's been very clear.
By getting legal papers, it will become obvious that the expenses are going to be higher b/c you two don't talk...and you both lose that way. She'll figure that out.
What did you say to your father in law, when he said she didn't want to come? Were you respectful to him, or fuming?
And don't blame them for ANY of this...she's an adult woman and she left you back there, without their help. If she has lied about you, to them, then all you can do to counter their negative images is to give them positive images to replace the bad ones. That's why you need to be pleasant around them. If they never liked you, there's a reason. If you look inward you may find it. Then you can work on it.
I can tell you that my mother in law had a huge problem with me being Catholic.
But she didn't hate me. And I couldn't change that anyhow, b/c I AM Catholic.
But if there's something you said or did OR that they believe you said or did,
you may need to explain yourself to THEM...how can it hurt?
But post it here first...
Stay calm. Your anger hurts you and makes you seem petulant and arrogant.
Avoid appearing that way. Like I said, (and read it again please)
the calmer and more relaxed you appear to be when you pick your son up or drop him off, the more unreasonable her "no contact" behavior will seem.
The more you fume and pout, the worse you look. I'd be upbeat and happy to see son, hug him and show him affection (if he's ready for it) and be obviously concerned about him.
When they tell you when he ate last or slept, LISTEN to them, even if you think it doesn't matter. It does matter. You will need to change his diaper next time you have him. Period. You can't hand him back to them with a dirty diaper and pretend you didn't notice AND ask for an overnight with him at the same time...
Tell your wife in an email you want to learn how. If she refuses, let her parents teach you. Interacting with them is an opportunity for you to undermine their negative views of you. Just Imagine THEM telling her "Bruce seems to be trying...he learned how to change a diaper and he was genuinely interested...and pleasant...and happy to be with son...why not speak with him for a few minutes..." OR "you should see how he is with son"...
But again, pay attention to what they tell you about his daily routines.
No one likes to have a kid on a schedule only to have someone else mess it up for the main caretaker. And she is the main caretaker.
IT's just good manners and shows adult concern for a child's routine.
When you see the parents, you can ask THEM if your w did well on the exam, or show concern for her, and LISTEN and react appropriately...like you "get" that their daughter is upset with you, which she is.
She has the email in which you asked to speak to her. SHE KNOWS you wanted to. Enough said.
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25 is right. You belittling her father shows your arrogance.
Quite honestly, I don't think you've shown her or us for that matter, that you are fit to have him full time for a day. Taking him back dirty was not the way to go. In fact, you could have changed him WHEN you dropped him off.
So then are we to assume that till this day you still have not changed his diaper? How about answering the other questions I left you about how well you know your son?
I think we're getting a better idea as to why your W is avoiding you right now.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
25 is right. You belittling her father shows your arrogance.
Quite honestly, I don't think you've shown her or us for that matter, that you are fit to have him full time for a day. Taking him back dirty was not the way to go. In fact, you could have changed him WHEN you dropped him off.
So then are we to assume that till this day you still have not changed his diaper? How about answering the other questions I left you about how well you know your son?
I think we're getting a better idea as to why your W is avoiding you right now.
What appears as arrogance now is only my venting out on the site. It is also a reaction to having been trampled for so long. Sure I have my faults, but the way things unfold makes me say things that I normally wouldn't, feel things stronger than usual, etc...
No I haven't changed my son yet, because 2 hours, with car rides back and forth, that's actually one hour of interaction with him.. so I didn't have time. But I will change him next time, even if he doesn't need to,if just to learn and show that I am eager to do it.
As far as how well I know my son, we're like, father and son...
Me:34 ; W:28 Son: almost 2. Married : 14 March 2009 DBomb : 18 June 2012 Separated since Jan 2012 (different countries) Same country and city since July 2012
"What appears as arrogance now is only my venting out on the site. It is also a reaction to having been trampled for so long."
Doesn't sound like it. You mentioned that you had issues with her parents before and it doesn't seem as if you're the type to hold back. I don't care how good of an actor you think you are, but people have a way of picking up negative vibes.
"As far as how well I know my son, we're like, father and son..."
Doesn't answer the question.
What are his favorite foods, toys, etc. Does he have any allergies? When was his last physical? Is he up to date on his vacceinations? etc.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Hello all, (25yearsmic, your last post had a gentle tone in it. I appreciate. Listen, I don't know why you help all this people on the site, me included, and I'd like to repay you back some day.)
I have come to terms with my trying to control others, if her father or both parents wants to act a certain way, I won't be affected by it. Honestly, they didn't show up at their daughters wedding, and I always have been kind and polite with them. Yesterday I gently insisted, but didn't make a scene either. I'm a very calm and balanced person. (outside of this site that is).
I learnt today they met with the pastor, and apparently "they've decided to move on". In the end, I feel more sad for them, probably taking sides when they shouldn't. Enough said. From this day on, I'll appear relaxed and upbeat in their presence too.
As for your proposition of giving W a cell phone, I'm afraid it won't fly.
W sent an one line email today asking how the visit went yesterday. I replied with pics, and how enthusiastic I was to have spent time with S. I validated her concerns about his age and sensitive tummy, and that I paid a maximum of attention to it. And if because of the car rides and all which is time consuming, if the conceded two hour time alone with S could become longer afternoons. (I didn't stretch it to ask for the whole day).
Also said I understand this is new to her but I want to change his nappies, put him to sleep, read him a story, and if I could have him for an overnight as well. My goal was to spend more time with him.
(I won't ask in an email how to change a diaper b/c it sure will spring back in my face in court. Guaranteed.)
(btw, W knows my mom and dad, and doesn't like them much, so much for the good dad example...)
I got your point about my writing to her I want to spek, her not responding and then my being disappointed. I set my own expectations and disappointments. Silly.
Well, last week, it was the first time, and only visit without one of her parents. At the end, she wanted me to strike the famous deal. I took the bait on the spur of the moment. She acted super nice that day, and even days after that. Like she was in love again. Which made me go all over the place : by Xmas, we'll be holding hands and all.. A couple of days later, I said I wouldn't be giving up on my son, because I want to have him more, and that's why I paid the lawyer for in the first place. And the result is here, no more W in sight. Great.
I understand her resenting my asking for my son, when she has the impression I didn't care for him before, the truth is that she over-possessed him so much that it would have been heart-rending to separate mother and child. My contemplation of that beautiful scene has been mistakenly seen as indifference. Now I'm only straightening things out.
And I'm not going to escape to France. (Although, you gave me a good idea. j/joking)
One last thing. I know I shouldn't ask her right away about if we can stop the petitions if we could arrange ourselves decent times with our son. But the proceedings are running as of now, and if we don't contact our lawyers, next week I understand I have to sign an affidavit, and then show up in Court... to have the immediate relief I've asked for (ie the famous 50% time with S). Should I bring it up again tomorrow, or wait some more, but not too much?
Bonsoir, yours, B.
Me:34 ; W:28 Son: almost 2. Married : 14 March 2009 DBomb : 18 June 2012 Separated since Jan 2012 (different countries) Same country and city since July 2012
