Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Separation at 17.5 months

ad,
I agree w 2thepoint-- the kids will have a transitional time where things will likely be bumpy. You will have to be their rock--sorry, it's the unfortunate role of the LBS-to be the cleaner-upper of the mess (emotional) that WASs leave.

It's been one month and 6 days since my H moved out. It was rough. I have 3 boys--one has shown NO signs of emotional trauma (other than giving ME extra hugs when I'm sad); one is all over the map emotionals--extremely sensitive, but gets his feeling out there and moves on; and the third (my youngest S9) has cried frequently at bedtime and sometimes at other random times & is also now showing signs of being VERY ANGRY (which of course I get the brunt of since H is not here to witness or be the receiver of this anger).

BTW even though you need to be a rock for your kids, it does NOT mean you should suppress YOUR feelings. Don't talk badly about H (EVER) but if your sad or emotionally unavailable to them sometimes they will understand. It is amazing how perceptive children can be!

<<<<<HUGS>>>>>>>

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Ad )))))))))))))))))))))))

I was so sad reading your post about telling your children. I am thinking about you tonight and wishing you and your boys strength to get through this difficult time.

Ad,

Sorry you are dealing with all this crap and pain. No matter how much you think you are prepared to face things like this, it is always harder than what we expected.

Hang in there. There are many of us here who care about you and will offer moral support any time you need it!

Nothing lasts forever and you will get through this.
In the meantime, hang in there!

((((Ad))))))

Sorry, Ad. Really. It was insensitive of me. You have presented yourself so strongly through all of this that I sometimes forget how hard it is for you to achieve that. You and your sons are not cr@p, but nor do I believe you deserve the dad/H you have been getting. Maybe he was better before, but he has not been lately.

I pray that your sons take it well this evening, and that they do well in the future. You can only do the best you can. It sounds like your boys have been detaching from their dad and vice versa already, so perhaps it won't be so bad. And maybe some distance will be a good thing for them all. For you too. It just doesn't look like it right now, but in time things change.

Ad...I feel awful. Not only are you preparing and going through a tough night, but we didnt get to meet up:( I didnt hear back from you earlier and even checked early this morning..so I was busy all day and am just not getting on and see your message. I feel terrible that you went there...I wasnt going to go unless I knew for sure you were going. Please, lets make more definite plans and do them soon...

On another note, Im so sad for you this evening and am thinking of you. I have been there and I know how hard this is. I will tell you that it DOES get better with regards to the kids. In fact, I think my kids have handled it better than I have with H being gone. Yes, they are angry (as you have read in my posts) and they are refusing to go with dad right now, but they really are still in decent spirits most days. I agree with turtle about being the rock...and its a hard role to play when you are going through hell. I am there right now. You can do it...as Im sure you have already been doing it.

Please let us all know how things went tonight. I would love to get in touch through my hotmail account. Im mama2lexi. That way, we can actually meet up!

Thinking of you tonight and praying that things went better than you expected.

SB

Thinking of you and your boys tonight.

Stay positive. Big Hugs

Thanks CV it was decent of you to post back. I'm not up for examining my flaws today, but in this place it's fair game.

So we told the kids at dinner. No one ate dinner. S14 cried and then S12 cried. I hugged them and told them how very much I love them. H was robotic. S14 left the house and we've been having a text conversation that was very difficult. He did not accept the party line that we had problems we could not resolve. He wanted to know specifically what problems, and when I tried to explain that they were between us adults he said he had a right to know what was going on in his family. Then he asked if H is gay. I told him I have no reason to believe that. H has to have a best friend to confide in just like I do and just like S14 does. I told him I didn't have all the answers, this was confusing and complicated, and that I would try my best to answer his questions as they come up.

I sure would like to finish off my bottle of wine but I have felt that my kids aren't getting anything to ease their pain; I won't either. We'll get through it together.

I've been calling my friend the psychologist for help answering S14's texts. She was mainly emphasizing that I should try to be as even as possible about our roles, saying we, we, we instead of he. S14 challenged that though, and it felt dishonest, so I said we just haven't been able to make each other happy, and H's unhappiness has been affecting all of us. There's a lot more that was said back and forth by text, because he said in text that he couldn't talk to me face to face about it yet.

S12 and I had some escapism watching funny videos and I'm sending him to bed. He is acting unnaturally cheerful. H asked him to vaccum some leaves and dirt in the kitchen and he did, then made a humorous comment about how dad's leaving and NOW look how good I'm doing at vacuuming. I'll have to keep an eye on that one too.

No one deserves this. I feel violent.

You need to get a good nights rest, if that's possible. A fresh set of eyes and a clearer head will help you move past this "violent" phase.

Hang in there, Audrey! We're here if you need us.

I'm sorry your boys didn't take it better. I had hoped they would based upon how things have been. H being robotic is disturbing, though. I'm tearing up just reading about the exchange. He should have been more affected. I understand people process differently, but still.

Hang in there. A day at a time. I'll be thinking and praying for you and the boys. And for your H, too, that he steps out of the fog.

((((AD))))

((((Ad)))))

Hate how much you and the boys are hurting. You're stronger than you feel right now. Wish that helped with the pain but I know it doesn't right now. But you will move through this and you will thrive and you will have 2 boys who knows their mom is there for them.