But then again, your wife DID read the book.....right?
My W isn't a reader. I did find a copy of DB in with some other old books in stuff she left behind, but I don't know if it was a gift or something she bought or what. It had a receipt in it, I posted the date earlier, I can't remember now but it was old. 10+ years. And the binding doesn't look like the book was opened. So she probably did not read it.
Originally Posted By: AS 9/17
W moved more of her stuff out over the weekend including most of the things out of our large walk-in closet. Interestingly one of the things she left behind was.... a DB book!! I was more than a little surprised when I found it. The original receipt was tucked inside, it was dated 1997 (we got married in 1992). If she was using the receipt as a bookmark then she read most of the book. I have no idea if she was reading it for our marriage, or because someone recommended it to her or what. I'm going to ask her if she remembers why she got it just out of curiosity.
I’m confused.
It sounds like you think she read the book and then you changed your mind.
IF she was reading the book over ten years ago, then the possibility exists that the M was not as rosy as you seem to want to paint.
I know that is a hard thing to hear and a hard thing to face, but most of us here have been through that.
Originally Posted By: AS
Originally Posted By: Mach1
Where was that sympathy when you had decided that YOU had had enough, after a couple months?
It's been 6 months, not a couple. And it's been the most difficult 6 months of my entire life. The biggest part of the struggle now is just not knowing where it's going. I'm ready to put it behind me and move on. That doesn't mean I'm not symathetic to W's struggles, once she told me she was still struggling I backed down from my plans to move on.
What about empathy for your W? Trying to understand what it is she is feeling and why?
I also wonder if you were really done, why does her being uncertain change your stance?
I find it questionable that you are arguing over two months. Ok, it has been six months. Six months. A drop in the bucket.
I know you don’t realize it but the man that you are arguing with, the man that you asked to stay off of your thread because you are not comfortable with the directness of his words, stood for much longer than six months. He stood for over two years. He DB’d, he worked on himself, he educated himself about MLC, communication styles and techniques, learned what his definitions of love, marriage, and commitment are and he lives his life by those definitions everyday. He posted to people here, continues to do so in order to help them, isn’t always right and admits when he is wrong.
Since I’m not afraid of being asked not to post on your thread, I will tell you that I see the defensiveness as well. And so did at least two other people. So I have to wonder how four people looking at your words, can gain the same insight and yet they are incorrect.
Another thing you might consider, is to reread your posts. Go back and see your words as if you are reading someone else. You just might be surprised at what you see.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Critique is one of the best things we can hope to find here, especially when it comes from those with more knowledge and experience on the subject.
Mach1 is more than welcome to critique my DB efforts to pieces!
I agree so much on this. That's a huge part of why I'm here, so people will say what those close to me won't.
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
Mach1 is more than welcome to critique my DB efforts to pieces!
I agree with this, In fact I'd like a lot more criticism than I get. Each to their own I guess.
I'd just like to say that I am usually pretty clear headed. Usually I can remember what I said week, months ago.
Since BD I have found my emotional state to be crazy, insane. I may say something and then contradict myself in the very same post! I don't remember everything I say now. My thoughts are often all over the shop, as I'm sure shows a lot in my threads. I often find people contradict themselves in their own threads. If its minor, a lot of the time I won't mention it. It's something I never would have understood before BD.
AS Found that book when he was not in a good emotional state. I'm not surprised he thought his W had read it but then forgot about the positioning of the receipt. There so much pain and anguish associated with that memory, that its probably became distorted.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
I'm a little surprised that you have not returned yet AS. I feel you have helped a lot of people on this board with your advice. It would be a shame to allow something like this to keep you away.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
If anything I said to you upset you, then I am sorry that you feel that way.
It has always been the intention of myself, and from what I have learned on these boards, to be totally honest about what I see. I speak only from being in the unfortunate position, of finding myself here, several years ago. And the lessons I learned from the truth that was laid out in front of me.
Most of the time, I didn't like it, nor was it what I wanted to hear. Yet it was what I needed to hear, in order to move forward for myself.
What I owe to these boards, can never be repaid. And I owe it to the integrity of the boards to keep it that way.
I hope you can find whatever it is, that you are looking for. I hope it comes to you easily, and I hope that you find peace in it.
AS I think Mach touched a nerve. I believe 25 mlc also called you self absorved. I think people are seeing things about you that you don't like to hear. DBing is about honesty and change. On 9/20 you posted that you were having an EA? "
At this point I feel like whether we reconcile or whether I move on to another woman there is a bright future waiting for me"
On 9/10 you posted this^^^^. BD was in June. How can you profess love to your W of 20 years say and do the above things. Really?
If you trully want to save your M you need to dig deep friend.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
