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Your right, it would. And, as long as she uses the "he's just a friend" card, she thinks she can play any kind of game. Has she always had dinners with friends of the opposite sex, when you were not invited? You see, a lot of people think it's fine for a M person to out alone with some "friend" of the opposite sex. Well, it might be the "modern" lifestype of some, but it's still dangerous. There is a reason people use to see it as being inappropriate.

The more you confront her about OM, the more she'll find ways to cover up.....if she didn't want you to know. However, she apparently doesn't care if you know. So, if she doesn't care, and if she won't give him up.....then why does she lie about it? Try to detach yourself enough to see it from her point of view. Besides the M, what would she stand to lose if she told the truth? Who does she want to fool about what she's really doing? It must be somebody, b/c she's going with you to MC and lying about the A.....so that says she isn't serious about wanting the M to be saved. Is she bidding her time to see if OM's intentions toward the future includes her or not?

No, she hasn't regularly had opposite sex friends. I believe she would lose her job (and subsequently not have any type of good recommendations for a future career) because even though he is old enough, it is still an unethical situation. He won't be out of here for another 2 1/2 years.

I feel that I may end up having to be patient until then unless a miracle occurs and her point of view towards me changes. So that'd be a full four years of me being on the outside (if she doesn't leave before then). That's a long time of putting up with "friends." At the same time, though I feel like sticking around is the best thing for my kids no matter what I go through (and if my wife finally comes around, all the better!).

You don't have to take that from her...she should not see him....if she wants to be with him then let her move in with him...it is not your responsibility...detach...detach...this all might me a lot easier on you if she was not there..you might be pleasantly surprised
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what is your 180? maybe it is to stand up to her....might be the shock of her life....

I understand your reasoning, but I have two very small children and they're needs do come before mine. They need her around. I want things to be as normal as possible for them. I am not going to scar them for life by pushing her out of the house in a fit of anger. She is already shocked as I have already stood up to her about a multitude of things that I never verbalized before. I can't stop her from seeing him. I believe that is not even the DB way, if I am reading correctly.

My 180 is becoming a better man (for me) and yes, I do stand up to her and tell her what I think, but I am not going to pick fights (I used to do that and obsess all the time) that we've already had and no one has budged. I am no longer this person who felt out of control with his life. I have set things right with myself and I am taking this train in whatever direction I choose. If she wants to be on it, she knows what she has to do. If she does not, things will take their natural course soon enough. The turmoil you are asking me to put my children through is not worth it. I'd rather be patient and firm. A 180 for me would be not blowing up and yelling about it.

I am no longer arguing about whether she should see him, we already know she SHOULDN'T. Now I am working to become the man I always envisioned myself to be, but was always to cowardly to live as (wanted to make sure I had others approval).

Worked out today. it felt great. Dressing better for work, shaving everyday, and even breaking out the Cologne. I think over time a person slowly let's themselves go. I've felt really good about myself the past week. Like zz top said every girls crazy about a sharp dressed man. Even if I don't immediately get the reaction I crave from my wife, I can see the difference in the mirror in the morning. I stand taller. The woes of the day are easier to face because i know I'm strong enough to handle them.

Donated blood today. The nurse who checked my blood pressure and questions was friendly and attractive (a happy, radiating, southern personality). She rested her hand on my bicep for a moment as she determined whether or not my sweater should come off for the blood pressure cuff. We had a pleasant, postiive, fun conversation before I went on my way to bleeed.

This human interaction felt so warm, but it made me sad. Its been a long time since I've had any physcial contact with the opposite sex or such a positive conversation that wasn't about work.

I remember this feeling with my wife. Where the nurse is trained to make people comforatble and relaxed, my wife used to naturally make me feel that way. I miss that. I stayed positive and upbeat tonight however while she was here and will drown my sorrows in a sappy Christmas movie since she's gone to work and the kids will be in bed soon.

I hear you CSD...it is a hard thing to do...but it sounds like you are doing good work....I just don't know how you move forward with her living there and the om in the picture...if she moved out or in with him then I think things would take their course sooner as they would see each other warts and all rather than this romantic ideal that they have now...thats all...hope I was not being too harsh...I saw a documentary titled "Happy" made in 2011...I recommend watching that and see what comes up...I think a lot of times the WAS is unhappy and looks to the LBS to make them happy...and that is not how it works...just as your W can't make you happy...

7720, I will check that doc out. I do wish she could see his warts. He is a narcissist, but I guess so is she right now. She also knows that the door is open; I won't try and cage her here if life is SO bad for her. I think my move forward is to focus on me and my boys. We certainly cannot make moves forward together if he is involved, but I am no longer using that as an excuse for ME to move forward. I believe I have in the past (seems I was codependent I think).

This morning she woke up peppering me with questions. Have I gone through her purse? Have I been talking to her parents about the R? I said no, but asked why she asks and has she talked to her parents since they were here (she pouted and threw fits when they didn't just take her side in hate against me)? She said no reason she was asking and no she is not talking to her parents about the R anymore (only talk to those who will agree with you!).

My only guess (and it is a guess, since I didn't push the issue and put on my happy face to get ready for work) is that she can sense my detachment. That I am not on her rollercoaster. That I am taking care of me. I don't think that RIGHT NOW I would be shocked by any new information about her behavior and that makes it easier to detach.

I want to GAL this Saturday night. I really need some just ME time (no other people). It really is a need I have that I have ignored for our entire relationship and I think it led me to withdraw, always trying to unwind, but never being able to fully do it since I was being SO nice and putting her needs first (boy was I so wrong about relationships).

I think I just want to go clothes shopping and maybe catch a movie. How do you bring this up without sounding confrontational? Just say I need some time alone Saturday night and I’ll be leaving around 7? When she asks what I plan on doing, just say I have no plans? Maybe it doesn't matter what I tell her because she will project her own lies into it and think I'm doing something else anyway, automatically causing mystery.

way to go csd! I think your goal needs to be to GAL without worrying about what she thinks...or how she is going to react...do what is best for you to get your head around things right now...

http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.html