Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Living in the Gray

Thanks Soul, sorry your H is being so disrespectful of your M and your children.

Every time I write here about H it is about him not answering an email-I should just get it by now.

In AlAnon (where sayings abound) the saying is if you bring up the same problem 3 times, you're not looking for help, you're looking for attention.

I need to let this go because it's not mine to fix.

My day was good yesterday, I worked on a project I have going and went to our neighbors across the street for dinner. S19 didn't want to go so he stayed here but he's better. Thanks for all the well wishes.

And now it's back to work!

I m glad your day was good yesterday Bug. And I am glad to hear S19 is doing better, What a wonderful mother you are. ((((( ))))

Thank you for sharing that insight about bringing up the same problem more than three times. Its a good yardstick and a good way to move forward to something.

I hope you are well today (((( ))))

""I should have been the one to let him know more fully what was going on but I let my fear of being rejected and my sense of self-righteous indignation (you don't want to talk to me, I'm not talking to you) take over."""

Your fears are so normal and what do they call it??? Human.

Dont punish yourself for being hurt by him and being afraid of being rejected by him. The past 18 months have been a tramadic period of course you are weary and afraid of his hurtful behavior. What he has done is extremely hurtful.

That said you woke up the next day and did the next right thing. Very few problems need to be resolved the second they appear.

Sometimes we dont make the 100% right decision in the moment but that does not mean we cant go back and apologize or revise our decision.

Give yourself credit for doing your best during a ticky sitch

Thanks, BK, you have come so far.

I went to work today and in case I haven't said it here, I have THE BEST JOB in the world.

I get so much from the people I serve and am so privileged be a part of their lives, if only for a short time.

My boss brought me lunch because I didn't plan well.

I am blessed.

what $70 a week! And he has the nerve to not give it!

Why is it that my wife is asking four times as much? (and I gave her more than what she asked for?)

Yep, the sad thing is that it really didn't suprise me. Sorry to have hijacked your thread yesterday Bug. I didn't even realize lol. Guess I was a little angrier than I thought.
Glad to see your GAL and that your S is okay now.

You are blessed to have a job that brings you happiness and some fulfillment.

Although my job does not help humanity in any way working has helped me so much in putting myself back together.

Your posts indicate what a loving caregiver you are. Do not forget to take care of yourself.

Thanks BK, I am blessed in a lot of ways.

It's just a little over a year since I joined this forum and at that time we had been separated for 8 months. I was still a mess at that point-better than right after the BD but I still had trouble focusing on things, cried at the drop of a hat, hated seeing happy families (and my neighborhood is full of seemingly happy families.), missed my H mightily.

But that was then, this is now.

What have I learned over the year?

• a broken heart does bring physical pain.
• I will be better than OK. I have a lot of happiness in my life that I didn't have before.
• it's OK to have popcorn for dinner.
• alcohol only muddles things up and makes labile emotions even more labile.
• grief takes as long as it takes and is NOT linear.
• to understand and manage my anger.
• not to take anything personally.-and-
• when others disagree with me, it says nothing about me and I should listen and not immediately jump to defense mode.
• not to agree to things that I don't really want to do.-and-
• don't do favors expecting something in return, if I can't do it unconditionally, I won't do it.
• the world does not end if/when people don't like me.
• I have many talents and interests that I've ignored.
• very few things have to be decided or fixed "right now!"
• HALT-hungry, angry, lonely, tired can make for a very bad day.
• people do want to help but be careful who you enlist to help.
• pay more attention to my gut reaction to people.
• detachment, whether from spouse, child or friend, is an act of unconditional love.-and-
• if people want my help they will ask for it.
• going to movies alone is very enjoyable.
• my attitude does shape my world.
• it truly is none of my business what others think of me.(I used to think of this as only negative thoughts, this also means positive thoughts-basing my view of me on what others think is the road to he!!)
• treat others kindly and don't forget to smile.
• people can change.
• pay attention.
• one day at a time, one day at a time, one day at a time...

This has been a arduous process and I can still remember the initial exquisite pain but like childbirth, it's a faded memory now.

Unlike birth, I won't volunteer to do this again but I am grateful to have had the opportunity to learn and grow in the process, and birth a better version of myself.

I'm also grateful to have the experience, strength and hope of people here, as well as in AlAnon.

I've met life-changing people in both places.

Bug, thank you for sharing your list, I am going to print it out and read it over and over. BTW, its ok to have cereal for dinner!

Thanks Ready,

Ice Cream also works!