Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Are you Dating?

In 22 years I have never kissed or hugged another woman in passion. I will not do so until we are divorced and as of now I am not filing. This means no dating for me. I am going with a group of people men/women to play games and eat dinner. Besides as of right now i can barely take care of my own emotional needs let alone try to navigate a new relationship. If you plan on dating please drop your spouse as that would make you as bad as the walk away. Good luck with your decision.

I think the question could have easily been, "how many of you have given up?" or "dropped the rope?" or "moved on?"

I sometimes think that if I did start dating, my W would start to get her head straight and figure out what's really important to her. But this is a card you can only play once, so I think you have to be in a place where you've already done all the work you think you can and are truly ready to let go.

On the other hand, I think you can still create some mystery and GAL without actually dating other people. And to agree with some of the other comments....this is a long process. Our BD anniversary is coming up in a few short months....it'll have been 2 years! It might be another year (or more) before we're reconciled...who knows.

DLS- I don't believe I said to isolate yourself. I agree that PEOPLE (regardless of gender) can assist with boosting your ego and helping an LBS regain their self worth.

And you're absolutely right. You can't heal on your own.

But if an LBS jumps into dating too soon, it's just filling a hole.. and if something happens between them.. the LBSer is right back to feeling rejected and again looking for validation from someone else.

People's positive opinion of us is the first step in the right direction but the work is on us. It should be US validating OURSELVES. Opinions change based on a bazillion things.. but if we believe that we are worth it..NO MATTER WHAT.... we won't need to search for it elsewhere.

That's just my .02

While I understand how there is concern that people get stuck and therefore do not move forward, I personally believe in honouring my vows. It was not a commitment I made to anyone else, it was a commitment I made to myself, when I said them.

For that reason, I will not date in any way that could be intimate.

I will and have gone out with people (male and female) for dinner, a movie, what have you. If that's dating in some people's mind, then so be it.

So as I said, I simply will not be intimate in any way with anyone until I am divorced.

Not yet, but that's the goal. She's also not cheating on me as far as I can tell. MLC has her quite confused and sometimes depressed. I intend to give my wife of 29 years a fair amount of time to figure herself out before I bail. At least a year for sure.



Not dating doesn't = doing it all by yourself.

Clearly there are differing views on this around here. It's really a personal decision. I have thought a LOT about this and my conclusion is that there are 3 "shades" of divorce. There is emotional divorce (where the WAS emotionally separates from the LBS) that occurs at BD. There is spiritual divorce (IE, divorce against God's will, the families, society, etc.) when separation occurs and then there is legal divorce when papers are filed. I think the 3rd one is the least important. When people are separated, basically the marriage is dead and gone. What we are working on is not restoring our marriage, it is trying to lure the spouse back to prospects of a newer, better marriage and relationship. So personally, I do not believe that dating when separated is in any way a violation of the marriage covenant, because the WAS has already killed the covenant- stomped and spat on it, crumpled it up and thrown it in the trash.

However, whether one is emotionally ready for dating is another matter entirely. After you've been put through so much pain and misery, it's not so easy to open up and trust a new person. My brother got divorced years ago and has never dated since, he just can't bring himself to trust women. Others are dating within weeks or months. So it's different for each person.

I am not dating or seeking to date. But if the opportunity fell in my lap, I would think seriously about it.

Also just as a reminder, we are all here to be honest and open with each other. Please respect the opinions of others as being just as important here as your own opinion and do not criticize them for speaking from their heart. We won't all agree, but that doesn't mean we can't respect each others' opinions. In many of these topics there is no right or wrong answer, only varying opinions.

Well this is interesting. No I'm not dating. I'm still committed to saving my M.

But I won't deny this has spark my interest. I think it all depends. If my wife leaves me and I know she will pursue OM, I think I would. I believe she will not respect me if I wait around for her to turn around and come back after she lives a life with OM.

I think at that point the marriage becomes just a piece of paper. Now, would I be ready for intimacy and relationship, I honestly don't think so. But going out to dinners, movies, etc. I think will be good for me rather than sulking the sitch. I will be honest though and if I'm not ready for commitment I will let that person know upfront that I just want to get out and enjoy a company.

Newman

I'm not dating yet. If the opportunity arose, maybe.
But right now I'm going on in my own pace, regardless of what my X does.

Not dating, and since I love H and want marriage to him, it would be weird. Not to say that I don't enjoy my friends telling me I look great, but s*x with machinery is about it for now for this girl.