Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis am i confused?

just a question? should i wait for her to reach out or should i try to contact her to see what state of mind she,s in? from afar it seems she is creating chaos all around her but has not reached out much to me.

I would wait until she contacts you. Only contact her if it's an emergency, child related or financial related. If you contact her just to be contacting her, it is looked upon as pursuing. Allow her to come to you when she's ready.

thats what i was thinking also.thanks maybe i,m getting the hang of this lol. as it stands were separeted and she has split the girls against the boys. the boys,s 26 and youngest d,s boyfriend 21 dont want to talk to her until she can show some kind of remorse instead of blameshifting. they feel insulted when she does that. as far as the girls she has gaslighted her mom and them. sd19 d21 and i wonder if bpd is like diarreha it runs in the jeans.lol, seriously her mom blames me for her having an affair and is trying to force feed our son that his mom didnt cheat because were not married.

To be expected that she would try to split opinions, accuse, etc. That's par for the course for many.

Your kids will make up their own mind. Try not to get involved in that process.

And in a way, her not contacting you is a gift. She is out to hurt as many as she can right now. She would do that to you if she could or if you get close.

Be still and be quiet. Others will figure it out faster if you don't get involved. The quieter you are, the more resilient to the accusations. And the sooner she can figure it out for herself...

AJ

she seems to be reaching out to old friends little by little trying to connect or shes trying to make her soroundings as familiar as possible. either way she made this mess and its her problem to fix it or not. i just wish the mil would keep her man hating mouth shut! amazing how 10 months ago i was the greatest and after her d got caught cheating now i,m a pos. i guess thats why the mil has been divorced 3 times. thanks for the guidence i thought i was gonna die at bd. but 8 months later i,ll just stay back and watch her spin.

its been a couple of weeks of pitch black and i,m feeling better. my gal has been riding in the desert with our son. i know her head is messed up when she has only seen the gandaughter once since she was born. sad that our son doesnt want anything to do with his mom.i guess ive decided if someone (female) comes along that i enjoy spending time with then there will be no looking back. ive been through way to much from her and i will not rugsweep! i still love her but i found my balls again and if someone doesnt value the relationship they have with you then dont waste your time.

Good to hear. The more distance the better in most cases. It's when they won't respect that distance that you find out how far you've come

Hang in there and remember it's early yet. Still a long way to go.


AJ

thanks for the support from everyone and your 100% correct the farther away i get the calmer things are. i dont think i could ever R with her unless she shows true remorse and she has always been kinda immature. i may never get i,m sorry so i may never let her back in but as they say never say never! from the things ive read and people ive talked to almost guarateed at some point she,ll try to return but who knows when and where my head will be at that time.

having a down day because she went to the scene of the crime so to speak. back to her toxic friend and probably om. thing is she has never admitted to and continues to lie about what she is actually doing. i wonder if she will ever hit bottom considering its a long distance affair and she has pushed away anyone that questions her whereabouts?

Try not to have a down day about it. It'll change...when it changes. Not one minute sooner and all the worry in the world won't change that

But you knew that....

Hang in there.

AJ