Strangely enough I'd not heard of "soundgarden" but saw their album today at target when I was looking for some other music.
I looked up pics of Chris Cornell and he looks HOT! IMO!
Somebody tell your W she had better get through this MLC thing and hold on to you for dear life and you two and your family can have rockin' rest-of-the-years of your lives!!
With all your other qualities, T, your a fine catch! And don't you forget it!!
I did catch the part about the early weekend wishes -- I just don't think about why people do or say stuff so much any more. Didn't matter that it didn't make sense
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
DB Jedi... lol...guess with the grey in my experimental facial hair that makes me Obi-Wan, then?
rH, I hope she doesn't take too long either, because I do know that historically, when I do eventually get "done" with something, I tend to not look back...there is a lot I can adjust to, let go of as not a deal breaker, and all, but there are things I will not. Emotional connection, physical, laughter, working towards something, etc., are things I want. i do not want a "going through the motions" life. I don't know how much longer I want to wait, whether 3 weeks, 3 months or 3 years, but I don't worry about it too much because I trust MYSELF now (finally) to know when...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
The force is strong with this one.... hahahahaha.... ok, ok, sorry, the hrm humor had to throw in a jedi joke!
On a more serious note, I totally get what you mean about not wanting to "go through the motions" (through the motions is also a song by Matthew West, sorry useless info that randomly popped into my head, it's all part of my charm!) I feel the same way about the emotional connecting, laughter, working towards something,etc..... I'm going with the good things come to those who wait saying.... I don't know how long I will wait either, but I know for now that's what I'm being called to do, so I'm waiting, plus you know, I love the guy, even though I get hurt and angry, etc, I still love my H. So until I feel God calling me to do something else, I will wait, as patiently as I can, and when I can't I have you guys to help me through.
I think you are doing awesome, and no matter what you decide, I know you are a very wise man so it will be the best decision for you. *hugs to you T* Keep rockin'!!!
Thank you TVS and rH! You made me smile... DB Jedi... lol...guess with the grey in my experimental facial hair that makes me Obi-Wan, then? rH, I hope she doesn't take too long either, because I do know that historically, when I do eventually get "done" with something, I tend to not look back...there is a lot I can adjust to, let go of as not a deal breaker, and all, but there are things I will not. Emotional connection, physical, laughter, working towards something, etc., are things I want. i do not want a "going through the motions" life. I don't know how much longer I want to wait, whether 3 weeks, 3 months or 3 years, but I don't worry about it too much because I trust MYSELF now (finally) to know when... T^2
You never cease to inspire me T2 - your so consistent, strong and positive !!!
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
Well, W cycled out of withdrawal and downloaded all that is going on for her, in overload mode, on Friday to me. Lots of stuff...how decisions stress her out, the holidays, how frustrated she is that she seems only do stuff or decide things at the last minute, how scared and torn apart she is that she hasn't got "those" feelings back...lots of stuff. Like a verbal journal...Interesting thing was that I had been reading through Denver_2010's thread in Piecing and had run across this post:
Quote:
One of the last things you EVER want to do is read a woman's diary. You cannot take every word seriously. We play with every random thought. Not to discount your wife. But please don't work with the past. Work with the future.
sgctxok
I had an "Aha" moment, and got more insight into the "Believe none of what they say" mantra...this also lines up with what I have read in books such as "What women want men to know"... W is dumping all those thoughts onto me, like a diary, every nuance, etc like sgctxok wrote above.... such a grasshopper moment for me.
I did the usual listen and validate, but also "felt" it was a right time to toss out some truth darts, such as if she was staying for just the kids until they reached the "magic age" where she could leave, then she was using me, and I did not think she was that kind of person. Also, that I believed in her, in us and if I didn't, I would not have allowed myself to be treated like a doormat, etc., this past year and a half. Naturally, this wasn't what she wanted to hear, but I stuck to my guns patiently and most important, non-judgmentally. Brought in some mlc examples which re-assured her that this was part of the process and can pass....
The conversation got around to the "naughty" text she sent me a while ago, and my response...lol...she said she has to remember that when she gets in these fits/moods/panics, that she has gotten through them and will get through them...she forgets that in the moment and panics (I think this was relating to our R progress/status and "those" feelings). I never did get from her the meaning of the subject line "Last one" though, didn't want to press, show W that I can "not" have to know something right away in the 180's dept. Oh, and she volunteered that she liked the pic I sent back, one would think that's a good thing...
For me, it felt good to be honest, and it seemed to open things up a wee bit more for us this weekend...no bad repercussions so far. And some good things, like she emailed me:
Quote:
i'm very thankful for what you did last weekend with the plastic outside & the deck... Really makes a difference and when you cook... like last night & the night of the pot pies and your help with bedtime is a lifesaver thank you
So, that's where things are this week...
Comments and such welcome as always...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
It is great that your W is choosing to open up to you. Sounds like she is still a mystery to herself, so understanding her is still going to be tough.
You know, we LBS's always say we wish we could get into the minds of the MLCer, but just like Mel Gibson in "What Woman Want" (I think that was the name), it could turn out to be a curse instead of a blessing.
I think it is great that she is acknowledging things that you do and thanking you. I speak from experience... Sometimes women get overwhelmed with feeling that they have to do everything, and then get resentful if they have to ask their H to help. Any little thing you can do for your family that helps with the everyday flow of things is actually a big deal in a wife's world. It shows you care AND appreciate all that she does.
And IMO, this is a great start to getting on the road to "those feelings".
I can relate with the whole going through the motions thing. I am done with having a roommate. I want my H to find his way, and to have all the time that he needs to do so. I just don't want to be a daily observer of the MLC train wreck of a life he is creating for himself. Oh, and I don't want him blowing all our money either!
Keep on keepin' on T. I know you like the Foo Fighters, and as they would say, "It's times like these we learn to love again. It's times like these we learn to live again."
And we are.
Keep up the great work!
And PS... Obi Wan is fine... Just don't start to look like Yoda
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
I did the usual listen and validate, but also "felt" it was a right time to toss out some truth darts, such as if she was staying for just the kids until they reached the "magic age" where she could leave, then she was using me, and I did not think she was that kind of person. Also, that I believed in her, in us and if I didn't, I would not have allowed myself to be treated like a doormat, etc., this past year and a half. Naturally, this wasn't what she wanted to hear, but I stuck to my guns patiently and most important, non-judgmentally. Brought in some mlc examples which re-assured her that this was part of the process and can pass....
For me, it felt good to be honest, and it seemed to open things up a wee bit more for us this weekend...no bad repercussions so far.
I like that you are opening up with the truth to her, and happy to hear she seems to be accepting it. It sounds like you're on course to me, I'm just taking notes here.
Is she OM free? If yes, for how long?
I read all (or most) of your threads but with all the other threads I read I get 'em mixed up. Why don't you have your sitch timeline in your sig, like the rest of us diligent DB'ers? haha
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I used to be really awesome at doing that kind of stuff until about 2006 when I had this awful job that had me working 70+ high stress hours a week, and then when I finally got a different one, and recovered, W's dad died in 2008 and she suddenly wanted everything to herself, full control...if I did it, I did it wrong, etc...so I quit (she has even told me this herself). Then when phase 2 of mlc hit, she assumed that me even asking or doing was just to win her back, of course.
So she has opened up in this area, again, though tonight she told me she feels guilty since I work all week and such and that she doesn't get it done with her time when the kids are in school. I replied that she has a lot of other stuff to work on, and I like doing this stuff and it is an important modelling behavior for our sons...that men CAN cook, clean, do laundry, and do it well. Plus it keeps me busy, and I feel good after doing it.
Then she brought up that its one of those things she is jealous about, that I can do all this stuff well, and she feels like she has nothing because she believes she doesn't do it well, and doesn't like it much anyway...I validated her feelings and thought she does do things just fine and trusted that she would find her path.
My little truth darts were inspired by things you have been saying, HRM's little truth session with her H, and rH's with hers...and of course an intuition that there was an opening to receptivity at that moment...and its time to calmly, logically start speaking my truth, a little bit at a time at the right moment.
Funny that you should bring up Yoda...I used my awesome Yoda imitation tonight to bring some levity to the Sunday night cat herding kids to bed routine...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
