What do you consider NC when he is not talking to our Ds either? Nothing to them either. A few weeks ago they told him, thru email (it was the only way he would communicate with them or me), that they were upset with him. So, he completely shut them out. Since then my Ds have been devastated and spend a lot of time at home. They are old enough to make their own decisions. I can't "make" them do anything. I tell them they choose the relationship they have with their Dad.
Going dark is not having any contact at all, i.e., it's like he has died or has gone to the other side of the moon. It means never calling, texting, emailing him or responding to his communications. It is also called the final resort on some forums.
NC is going dim and only having contact w/him in case of an emergency or issues dealing w/your daughters or legal issues.
TJP, he'll contact his daughters again very soon. He knows that they were upset w/him, so he's going to remain quiet until he thinks that they have "forgotten" about the issue that made them upset. You are absolutely correct, your daughters are old enough to forge a relationship w/their father, but right now, it's going to be tough to do when they are acting more mature than he is.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Please keep in mind that my what I described in the earlier posting is my interpretation of going dark vs. NC. There use to be a thread on the forum that described both going dark and dim/NC.
If you have the divorce busting book, I believe it describes going dark in there for you. I'll continue to search for the thread and if I locate it, I'll put the link in your thread for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The thread I was looking for dates back to possibly 2000-2002 and it was called Going Dark - 101. Since it is so old, it most likely has been deleted from the forum.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Happy Thanksgiving. My parents decided to come for a few days. It has been a really good thing. Daughters and I have them to talk to and distract us from this very hard day. I have been thinking about H and wished we were together. I just feel like I don't know him anymore. I've only seen him three times in over four months. I miss MY H so much. I'm not sure who this other man is, I don't know him. Ds and I did a Turkey Trot this morning. Luckily H has never joined us, so it was fun with just the girls.
I am thankful for my Ds and my parents. I just told my parents four days ago about the whole situation. Since the beginning of all this, I have been wanting a hug from my Dad. He has the best hugs in the whole world. I am thankful for my husband. I have been remembering the past 28 years we've had together. We got along so well and were truly in love. I thank him for all the wonderful times we did have together and the two beautiful girls we have because of the love we had for each other. I'm thankful for my MIL that passed away 10 years ago. She and God have helped me on some of the darkest days. I know they are both looking out for what is best for our marriage and family.
Well, today was a new day, completely different than thanksgiving the day before. H stopped the money. He wants complete control and wants me to ask for money and make an itemized list of what the girls and I spend money on. No. I'm done. The girls said they are done. He has done nothing but hurt us and I can't allow him to do it anymore. Right now, at 2:00 am, my older daughter is in her room boxing up everything that her Dad has ever given her. I delivered a message to my H via text from my girls. They wanted their Dad to know that the were done with him. That he is no longer their Dad and they don't ever want to talk to him again. We believe that he is still carrying on his affair. The girls told him four months ago, that if he started that realtionship again, they would be out of his life.
I don't plan on filing for divorce. I will be speaking to my lawyer on Monday about a legal separation. My parents were here for a few days. They were here when I found out about the money being stopped. They wrote me a check, which I didn't want to take. It's money they CAN'T afford to give. But, I know they are desperate to help in some way. I will never forgive my husband for dragging my whole family thru his devastating decisions. I have the best parents and daughters that God could give.
My birthday is Sunday. I will be starting it as a different woman. I took off my wedding ring. The girls and I are all wearing matching rings I bought a couple days ago. It has engraved on the band, "With God, all things are possible".
I told the girls I wouldn't let their dad hurt them anymore. My OD said,"he can't take anything else away. He has already taken our money, our trust and our love. There is nothing he can do to hurt us more than he already has." Those are words I never thought I would hear.
I am sorry about your H's controlling and selfish behavior. It really is hurtful.
When my H has done things that hurt the most, I remind myself that he is not the man I married. THAT man would be disgusted with this imposter.
I look around our home, and I want to take down all the pics of us together. I feel like they are from a former life, one I don't have anymore, with a man who doesn't exist anymore.
No matter what they say, WE know the truth about our M. They can never take away our happy memories even if they want to rewrite history in their own messed up brains.
See a L about your rights. Time to protect yourself and your D's. Your H doesn't realize that there are consequences for his actions. It will be a tough lesson for him to learn.
I am sorry you are going through this. Stay strong, you have people here who care and support you
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
