Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I think my wife is having a mid-life crisis.

@ForeverYoung I am halfway through both DR and DB. The chapter on mid-life crisis scared me. I am trying to let go and do well until she starts showing affection again, then takes it away.

@Rick1963 She complained that I didn't shave but once a week. I put on 100 lbs(of which I have lost all but 20 of it so far), she states I am too needy and clingy. She said I am not confident and assertive. That's about it.

She says she will try but doesn't really want the feelings of love to come back. A lot of what she wants we can do with in the marriage, except the part where she wants to travel, meet her BSDM friends, and have sex with other people.

I could use any advice I can get, and appreciate all of your comments.

Ignore her time line, it's meaningless. She will change her mind 10 times between now and then. She will decide to leave sooner, then not at all, then later, then who knows. Concentrate on DB'ing. Take everything she says with a grain of salt.



Like I said.



Ummm, what? Seriously? Wow, she needs to be in IC. If that's her version of "finding herself" then all she's going to really find are some unwanted diseases.



They don't call it the roller coaster for nothing. It's a crazy ride. DB'ing will help you detach and get off the ride.

Darn, screwed up the quotes. The first part of the above post should read like this:

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Oh she knows. Quit telling her. If you haven't gotten the books yet, read the DB 180's sticky thread at the top of this forum. It's basically an overview of what to do and how to act. No "I love you". No R talks. No following her around the house like a puppy. No pursuit at all. Work on yourself. Show your W a happy you no matter what. Act "as if" everything is great even when you're hurting inside.



Ignore her time line, it's meaningless. She will change her mind 10 times between now and then. She will decide to leave sooner, then not at all, then later, then who knows. Concentrate on DB'ing. Take everything she says with a grain of salt.

@AnotherStander well the time frame was set when school for both of us started in January. This has been moved up to the first week in January. She seems pretty positive about moving out. I will disregard it though, and follow your advice.

I stopped saying I love you to her, last week. I also explained to her that I don't want her saying it to me unless she means it which she agreed.

Yeah 50 Shades of Grey messed everything up. Now she does nothing but read BSDM romance books. It has contributed to her fantasy. She believes that the single free life will be like her books.

I have taken all responsibility for my daughter, and have made arrangements for us to move out of state if needed. She is my world at this moment.

I have been going to the gym, keeping to myself, and reading DB and DR. I just don't know if I can do the roller coaster. This is killing me emotionally.

She also complains that I don't let her spend any money. She used to be so responsible, but now she spends without thinking about bills, food, gas, and rent.

Well this is the second day of her wanting to leave after things were getting better. I messed up and told her she didn't have to stay. I don't know what I was thinking, and now she is furious with me. Not because I said she could leave, but because I took it back. I am my worst enemy at times.

You HAVE TO let her leave if she wants to, don't try to hold her back, it will only make her pull away harder and quicker.

Does she work? Either way, protect YOUR money and let her deal with hers. She will resent you if you control it all/cut her off, and she will empty the bank if you don't control enough.

Concentrate on you and your D.

I doubt you can blame it all on 50 Shades of Gray-she was unhappy before. Blaming her actions on something else is looking to place blame and that keeps the focus off you.

You have to work on you, that's the only thing you control. What are your goals for this week, this month, the next 6 months?

Also you should get legal advice before you plan to take your child out of state.

Have you had a money discussion with her?

Not sure if anyone answered this but GAL = Get A Life.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2183063#Post2183063

This is a list of abbreviations that we use here.

Listen to what you are being told it is good advice.

You guys are right. She has been my life for 13 years, and I am having a hard time letting go. When I did let go she started saying I love you, being affectionate, and talking about staying. Then it disappears and she wants to leave again. I just don't want our marriage and family to end. My daughter and I need her, and she doesn't care. I also know what she wants to do, and I don't want her to make mistakes that she will regret for the rest of her life.

We had talked and she is ok with me taking my daughter out of state. If or when she leaves she is moving back to Las Vegas.

We don't have a lot of money, I took over the finances in January. She doesn't like it, and complains that I don't let her buy what ever she wants. I am trying to make sure the bills get paid. We already have separate accounts so she can only drain hers.

My whole issue with this situation, is the fact that she doesn't want her daughter. She used to like being a wife and parent, now she doesn't want either. All she wants is sex with as many partners as she can, and could care less what damage she leaves in her wake.