so what am i doing to get a life? went with a friend (female) to the laugh factory sat night and threw a mean drunk after! its been about a week of nc and the last time i text her i told her i couldnt take the lies anymore so i am just letting go! maybe i screwed up?
so as it stands nc and anyone that doesnt agree with her version of events gets pushed away. now the mil is trying to convince our s what a terrible person i am and that only angers him. i asked our s to try to look at his moms actions as someone on drugs and to try to let go of the anger towards her. sad that ex has driven a wedge between s and d,s. ex has even manipulated youngest d into a wreck with boyfriend because he doesnt believe her story. should i just stay nc? ive realized ive been using female friends as self esteem boosters and even though it helped ive realized its not fair to them. way to much reaction to her actions. advice appreciated?
its been three weeks nc and i,m feelin much better but looking back i,m starting to see more and more things i dont like. the ex is playin pinball, fighting with everyone but me because i,m not around to fight with.i got her a card for xmas and she text thank you merry xmas. she seems to love creating drama. do they ever just give up and realize the anger is inside themselves?
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
ive realized ive been using female friends as self esteem boosters and even though it helped ive realized its not fair to them. way to much reaction to her actions. advice appreciated?
Have you read Cadet's links? If not, now is a good time to go back and do that. If you have, now is a good time to do that again
While you are in this stage, it's best not to use people - you will regret it later. And yes, they do these kinds of things quite regularly. It's common enough, that if you put it in the lens of Shakespeare and consider all the world is a stage, you'll see why it seems this is a script they are reading from.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
is it wrong for me to laugh inside knowing her fantasy with her convict pos blew up in her face? ive wasted 8 months wining and dining and begging and crying. what the hell was i thinking? i had a brother that was a dope fiend and wathing the ex,s behavior its like dejavu! looking back i can see i was usually uptite and and neglected her a little but was always way more attentive then all of our friends are to their spouses.
we were playing the game for a while to the point of ml but then she would push away. 2 or 3 times she oushed me away and so i went nc before i went nuts. should i stay nc? its hard because i miss her but i feel better avoiding the drama.
Is it wrong? Do you think it's wrong? I admit it can be humorous, but likely sad more than anything. For me, it was hard to reconcile my feelings of anger and desire to hurt the person trying so hard to hurt me, with the love that I had for her. For me, it came down to the fact that I did love her all those years, honestly, and since that was the case, I couldn't be happy about her mistakes.
Personally, while I disagree with my ex's choices and behaviors, I wish her well and choose not to look or communicate with her.
What was the plan for dealing with the addict? Is that a similar plan to what you have? You never stopped caring about your brother, right? Even when you knew you couldn't help him, you didn't wish that on him, right?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Sorry you are here. Have you read the Divorce Remedy book yet? I highly reccomend you do so. And being NC sounds like it is working, so do what works. Painful as it is for you, all you can do is get out of her way and let her make her own choices.
Detachment is your best friend. The gym can be your second best friend. Or doing things out in nature. Just take care of yourself. Do the right thing for your kids, but TAKE CARE OF YOU!
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
i,m still waiting for dr but have read this board for days and days.as far as detachment thats what i did with my brother and let him wreck himself. as far as our kids well their 19,21,26 and the caught her cheating and exposed it to me so in a way they had their own opinion before i did. which is bad because they were in the middle from the start.
