Quote: What strikes me so odd about our various situations...many of us have walk aways who won't live with us but will have sex with us....others have spouses who will live under the same roof, but won't have sex...
It is just so darn confusing....
Well, what do you do when your H doesn't have sex with you and doesn't live with you? LOL! Doesn't look to promising for me...abandon ship?
KK, it's alright if you don't have positives to list everyday. There are days when my only positives are "I'm alive" LOL.
thank you deb - altho one of my goals for this year was to make sure i could find at least three things a day i could be positive about...ugh
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hubby (pacing the floor before going to work): my 20 year reunion is coming up
me: oh yeah? how did you find out about it?
hubby: oh that classmates thing
me: that's pretty kewl
hubby: don't know what to do - thinking about just driving up there (it's 2.5 hours away) for the day and showing my face and coming back
me (knife stabbed at the heart): well do you have to answer now? is there an rsvp?
hubby: no - no rsvp yet, but i don't know, maybe i shouldn't go, you spend all this time trying to get away from your past why would you want to go back to it?
me (hurt and wanting to cry but doing a great job of acting as if): well it's your decision, you do what you want - if you wanna go, go, if you want me to go with you, i will go, if you wanna skip it, skip it
hubby (who i believed sarcastically chuckled under his breath when i mentioned i would go): nah, i don't think i will go...
I guess and then there are the ones who live with you and have sex with you but are "unhappy" and on the verge of leaving every day! I guess there is just no set way to be an alien!
NOT! You have done a great job! You validated, you didn't push. Just because his alien response didn't match a non alien expectation, don't think you didn't do good, cause YA DID!
Now I like that saying! "We deserve a prize for what we go through."
I think we all do get a prize in the end no matter WHAT happens.
If you get your M back-GREAT! If you don't get your M back, but you get YOU back- EVEN GREATER!
I may sound harsh and angry on some of my posts, but heck I'm just venting another one of those "feelings" we get.
We have fear, anxiety, sadness, reflection, happiness, hopefulness and yes ANGER.
Ain't nothin' wrong with it in moderation. Some times I'm piping mad and other times I'm very happy.
I'll take this anyday compared to the panic and aniety I lived for so long. I longed for ONE day when I wasn't afraid ALL DAY LONG.
That day has come thankfully.
How ironic it should come now after I thought all this time that all I had to do was get my H back and I'd be fine.
I learned I was fine WITHOUT him and all this drama that has dragged on and on for 5 yrs.
I had to step out of the craziness before I could even begin to see that I AM a whole person without my H.
There does come a time when your beating a dead horse. A light bulb comes on and flashes in your mind that you will actually be happier without this person.
It's actually very profound considering how hard we work to restore the M. You realize that even if the M is restored it's just not enough, and never will be.
In my way of feeling right now, I believe that trust has been permanately lost. That means a R with my H would be basically hell.
I'd be constantly thinking he was cheating on me nad I'd probably be right.
I can't live like that. He never showed the remorse that men show when they really want to redeem themselves. That's because he never stopped seeing her in all this time.
I wanted to believe his lies so badly that I ignored all the signs and jumped through hoops for this man trying to make him love me. Nothing worked, yet he's never really let go.
I don't understand that part at all, but of course you can't make sense out of nonsense can you?
Anyway I'm rambling, but I really am finding my way to happiness and it feels GOOD! Rachael
Thank you for the chat last night and the encouragement you are giving me on my thread. I truly think that I would have gone over the edge by now if I didn't have you and other excellent DB'ers to talk to.
I still wish there was more knowledge available to navigate this stage...what do you do when all the things you did that worked before just seem to be having no impact?
Hugz, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
cupcake - thanks for visiting {i]I guess there is just no set way to be an alien - aint that the truth!!!
wrd - thank you for your vote of confidence - you RAWK, did you know that??? he came home early today - he says cause he had no work, but he hasn't left me alone since. the only reason i have this time right now is because he is helping son with his science project...LOL
totite - thank you, i think i will borrow those positives!!! thanks for bring me back into reality!!!
rachel - gosh girl, just let it ALL out! yes yes yes, we do deserve a prize for what we put up with, it's freaking amazing we all don't collapse from the exhaustion!!!
{{{zoo}}} - girl you helped me so much...what do you do when all the things you did that worked before just seem to be having no impact? - all i can say is that you give it time...this too shall pass
1) hubby seemed a bit more positive when he came home from work - he likes his new vehicle
2) everyone around here said i did a good job with the whole school reunion thing - but there is still a knot in my stomach about it, but this too shall pass
3) i was laying down with daughter last night (she wasn't feeling well) and hubby came in to give her a kiss goodnight, and he actually grabbed my hand and said goodnight to me too
4) he was watching an episode of south park and he just couldn't contain himself, he had to run into the room with me and my daughter to keep telling me what was going on with this episode
5) hubby cooked a great meal last night, and i made sure i used his ll - thanked him profusely for it
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