It seems like your W and MiL are making all the rules and you are playing by them. I agree with LITB -- you definitely should consult with a lawyer about your custody and visitation rights. You might fear that you will be making things worse between you by doing so. The fact is that everyone likes rules and knowing what to expect. Your lawyer can help you establish a new arrangement with W including time with your son and once she gets used to those rules, things will become more comfortable for both of you. Don't delay, seek legal advice right away.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Curious to know what you are doing to get yourself to a healthy place. In your signature, you lists that there had been both emotional and physical abuse.
Are you getting any help for that?
Did you contribute to the toxicity of this part of the relationship?
What role did you play in this equation?
How can you change what is within your control, to change the dynamic to affect it positively?
I ask these questions, because you must utilize your time wisely while working towards gaining your rightful access to your son. Additionally, I like to look at interacting with others in general as an equation. How we interact with others has an affect on the outcome. If we lead with a PMA, the chances of a better outcome is likely. The opposite is true. For the record, a negative plus a negative does not equal a positive in this case.
Time and patience.....then more time and patience.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Curious to know what you are doing to get yourself to a healthy place. In your signature, you lists that there had been both emotional and physical abuse.
Are you getting any help for that?
Family, friends, work, exercise, being social
Did you contribute to the toxicity of this part of the relationship?
She blames me that I instigate, lots of trigger from my side, money, job, not having good relation with her mom,moving, job lose
What role did you play in this equation?
Mostly trying to compromise and solve things, not have lot of escalated arguments and conflicts and letting go, can say avoidant, passive, non voilant, think through
How can you change what is within your control, to change the dynamic to affect it positively?
Take active role, making decisions and planning things for me and my son as priority over my relation with wife
I ask these questions, because you must utilize your time wisely while working towards gaining your rightful access to your son. Additionally, I like to look at interacting with others in general as an equation. How we interact with others has an affect on the outcome. If we lead with a PMA, the chances of a better outcome is likely. The opposite is true. For the record, a negative plus a negative does not equal a positive in this case.
Time and patience.....then more time and patience.
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
Curious to know what you are doing to get yourself to a healthy place. In your signature, you lists that there had been both emotional and physical abuse.
Are you getting any help for that? Family, friends, work, exercise, being social
Did you contribute to the toxicity of this part of the relationship? She blames me that I instigate, lots of trigger from my side, money, job, not having good relation with her mom,moving, job lose
What role did you play in this equation? Mostly trying to compromise and solve things, not have lot of escalated arguments and conflicts and letting go, can say avoidant, passive, non voilant, think through
How can you change what is within your control, to change the dynamic to affect it positively? Take active role, making decisions and planning things for me and my son as priority over my relation with wife Time and patience.....then more time and patience. I just texted to see if I can get more stuff from home
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
She did not respond yet for text . For to pick some stuff and mail
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
I won't force, only one text, my lawyer is talking to hers now, i am waiting to hear from her she is probably shocked that I filed and it is ready to go. There is mistrust and anonymity on both sides. It's tough to be away and detach with out family
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
Curious to know what you are doing to get yourself to a healthy place. In your signature, you lists that there had been both emotional and physical abuse.
Are you getting any help for that? Family, friends, work, exercise, being social
Are you getting any professional help? Therapy/Counseling? This is something that I believe should be at the top of your list to get resolved.
Originally Posted By: East Indian
Did you contribute to the toxicity of this part of the relationship? She blames me that I instigate, lots of trigger from my side, money, job, not having good relation with her mom,moving, job lose
These are her complaints. How much of these would you identify to be accurate? I can relate to the money and the MIL issues.
This is a good road map on things to change.
Originally Posted By: East Indian
What role did you play in this equation? Mostly trying to compromise and solve things, not have lot of escalated arguments and conflicts and letting go, can say avoidant, passive, non voilant, think through
How can you change what is within your control, to change the dynamic to affect it positively? Take active role, making decisions and planning things for me and my son as priority over my relation with wife
How are you doing with your progress fixing these things?
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Curious to know what you are doing to get yourself to a healthy place. In your signature, you lists that there had been both emotional and physical abuse.
Are you getting any help for that? Family, friends, work, exercise, being social
Are you getting any professional help? Therapy/Counseling? This is something that I believe should be at the top of your list to get resolved.
Reading books and talking to family, no professional help, GAL,detachment, sticking to this forum..
Originally Posted By: East Indian
Did you contribute to the toxicity of this part of the relationship? She blames me that I instigate, lots of trigger from my side, money, job, not having good relation with her mom,moving, job lose
These are her complaints. How much of these would you identify to be accurate? I can relate to the money and the MIL issues.
This is a good road map on things to change.
have a decet job, self reliant and can support her and son
Originally Posted By: East Indian
What role did you play in this equation? Mostly trying to compromise and solve things, not have lot of escalated arguments and conflicts and letting go, can say avoidant, passive, non voilant, think through
How can you change what is within your control, to change the dynamic to affect it positively? Take active role, making decisions and planning things for me and my son as priority over my relation with wife
How are you doing with your progress fixing these things?
I vist my son at daycare every wk and taking a stance on my situation and making my son as priority, looking into legal options and realizing if I should spend any time salvaging and trying to save M when she as W/ mother has no interest to work it. Don't know what else to fix, it's all broken and I am just trying to not damage any more especially son and both of us.
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
I'll be perfectly honest with you, it does concern me that you aren't at least entertaining the idea of seeking help. For arguments sake, what if your W agreed to work things out. What do you plan on doing to ensure or at least attempt to not fall in to old toxic patterns?
Even if you have fixed everything, what are you striving to improve? We all have areas that need improvement. It is a never ending process.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
