Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis From the Ministry of Silly Walks (LoisBThread3)

Where do you think the H is when he has done everything you just posted?

LoisB,

I get how you feel as I have the same thoughts.

You want him to wake up one morning and look in the mirror and say "wtf have I done to my life, wife and kids and how do I fix it?" Then on the other hand you think "how can I ever be with this man ever again" You feel weak emotionly and spirtualy for not being able to say f**k you and f**k her too, and tell her shes welcome to your leftovers. Well at least thats how I feel LOL

Sorry for the language.

Wow snodderly that's really interesting.

Perhaps we need more details in replay. I thought replay was just basically blowing money and doing new women.... which XH has done. Now each MLCer can have levels of severity for replay can't they? Like on a scale fom 1 - 10 sort of thing?

LOL.. XH has also dyed his hair within the last few months. A year and a half ago when he left he lost so much weight his pants nearly fell off, and he looked like CRAP.He acted manic. He text me constantly, one minute being nice and friendly, the next just absolutely off his rocker with venom and spew. Looked like he aged 10 years in 2 months, dark circles, and mean as a stepped on snake. Would have nightmares and text me cause he was scared. Was drinking and taking sleeping pills to just get to sleep. Before he left he would just sit and stare at the wall and not talk or eat. He was sweaty and clammy, and would complain his heart was racing. He couldn't sleep but 3 or 4 hours a night.

Now he's gained all that weight back and looks healthier. He doesn't have the funds to go hog wild so he sits at home with OW playing computer games all day. He's acting very nice for now.....

Honestly I really can't tell if Xh just has a personality disorder or if it's MLC at this point. Or is MLC a temporary personality disorder in itself? Or if he was just a WAH and all that freaking insanity was him trying to tell me the TRUTH about he and OW because she threatned to do it if he didn't, so he made up lies.

Heather it's ok to search for answers. Heck Im still searching for them at times, but it's not long before Im struck with the disappointing facts of reality as I know it.

Im still searching for answers because I KNOW I didn't get the full story of XH and OW. It's totally normal to try and get answers because if we had just a few good ones, maybe we could just rest a bit and relax.

Mlc is not just about blowing money, the op or the little red sports car. It is about a complete personality meltdown and going back in time.

The best place to find a lot of your answers concerning mlc is the mlc archives. There is a wealth of info there that can assist you in your search for answers.

Here's a thread that may prove to be of some help.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=60643&page=1

Here's a thread that describes some of what they are going through with the depression/mlc.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...1351#Post121351

I read this thread. In the article it talks about being his friend, show him affection and understanding. This is the opposite of what DB is telling me to do. I have gone on advice to pretty much act like he doesn't exist. H doesn't live at home, he won't call. He communicates by email, even with Ds. It's ridiculous! Anyway, what am I supposed to be doing?

TJP,
When I came up through the ranks on this board, DBing was just then becoming popular. There were a few forums that were posting around the same time and the thread about your man being in crisis came from there. Since that time, things have change in the way that we work around the mlcers.

Your mlcer is out to lunch and wants to be left alone for now. You can be civil and show understanding, but I don't advise being affectionate, especially if he's got op in the picture.

I would leave him alone and allow him the time and space he requires to work through this. At some point in time, you'll be able to try different things, especially if something isn't working, but your h needs his space right now.

I would also like to add that many mlcers do not want our affection once replay is in full swing. It can create a lot of shame and guilt in the mlcer and they will tend to shy away or make a point of not being around the lbs. Many of them go through a period before the full blown replay and want to have sex quite often w/the spouse. It's like the desire has increased five-fold, so to speak. Then suddenly the desire will drop off to nothing and then the mlcer is gone emotionally and does not want anything to do w/us. We can't force affection on to them or it cause them to pull away even faster.

Others, will continue to want sexual relations w/the lbs and the lbs has to be careful, i.e., ensure that protection is used at all times because you do not know where the mlcer has been and w/whom. Some need that "physical" connection. for a period of time before hitting full blown replay at full throttle.

I, personally, don't advise being sexually active w/the mlcer because it opens the door for cake eating and the lbs hopes are very high that sex will keep them coming back and eventually home. In order for the mlcer to miss the lbs, you have to give them their space and allow them time to go out there and experiment and grow up. Cake eating strings along the process of healing for the lbs.

Just my two cents this morning.

That is very interesting Snodderly...

I have noticed that since the bomb, H refuses to be physically affectionate to me. This was such a slap in the face at first - when I still expected affection! Now, H seems to look for excuses for me to touch him... He'll ask me to scratch his back, fix his shirt collar, etc. but he still does not touch me in any way. It's strange.

At this point , I don't even want to have sex with him. Not after knowing there is someone else. I don't think he realizes that I am not ready and waiting for him.