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Hey SS,

Be patient. Remember, don't believe a word they say and only 50% of what they do. You're letting this get to you which means you're still not detached from it. Just take a step back and do what you did when you got the letter from the bank. Take your time before answering a text or a question. Let your feelings pass and then answer while level-headed, if at all. Things is, when you've calmed down you might just be able to laugh it off and not answer. I would also avoid getting into a convo when he's drunk.

From what you're saying you didn't know that he'd been with other women. I'm sorry you had to hear this but again, it's something many WAS go through and at least now you know.

Maybe you should pull back a bit and let things settle a bit.

Ahhhh, the roller coaster ride. We all know it well. Like AS said you need to have PATIENCE. He will say one thing one minute and the complete opposite the next..it is he confusion talking.

I'm learning to take what my H says with a grain of salt b/c I can't know for sure if what he is saying is true.

I can understand the anger about the "sex w other women" bothering you a lot. Let yourself experience your emotions but don't react until you've had plenty of time to process this new information.

Infidelity is tough but not impossible to get through (at least that's what others keep telling me).

Hang in there, SS. Try not to respond to his texts/calls every time. Be less available while you're finding yourself. Good luck and come here often if need be!

Wait, what? He doesn't know if it was one, or two????? It's like a little kid who ate a dozen cookies from the cookie jar but got caught, so they think you'll go easier on them if they say they stole "one or two" instead of a dozen.

^^^Wise words! It's OK to feel the anger and frustration, but don't act on it. Wait until you cool off before deciding what action to take.

Thanks Arsene, Turtlegirl and AS I really don't think I can do this anymore.
If I'm going to be honest with myself, I really don't see myself ever feeling like I can trust him again. It's not like a lot of you were it is just this crisis thing.
He has continially lied to me and to other people throughout our whole 13 years together.
Now what? He is going to think he can just leave me whenever he wants to go and sleep around?
He can say he doesn't know if he is in love with me but then claim that he thinks about me, when he is with other people,...

The Christmas break is going to be so hard. I was really hoping that we could spend time as a family...
I may end up regretting this but for now I think I am going to sit for a while.
He will be my co- parent. My business associate but not my friend. We can be friendly but not friends.
I haven't decided how I'm going to word things to him yet.
I'm probably being very selfish but I'm also thinking about not telling him, until after Monday when I see if he will be coming to sort out my car. I can't do it without him there because it's in his name. I need to get that fixed.

I just feel that I derserve better. Now he has done this once, it will be easier for him to keep doing it.
Honestly I don't even know why I love him anymore except that we did have a lot of fun together. He was one of the few people I felt I could really be me around, who I could tell anything to.

He has been sleeping with people around where he is living now. Over two hours away. He goes there several times a year for work, how could I ever trust him when he goes there.
This is going to hurt like hell and I hope I don't live to regret it but I'm just not strong enough to do this for months on end.

How can I be a good mother when I'm on a crazy roller coaster.
I refuse to be treated like a game any longer.
I really have no idea how some people stand for years.

I don't know how to get past him being with other W, I meant my vows when I said them but he obviously didn't.
I guess ultimately I will be breaking them too. I'm just tired already.

((((()))))

Was in your place on Monday, today I am not. I did not think I could go on on Monday. Today I am good-ish

So this is to say it will pass. I can't tell you how long, but I know you need to not text!! I have taken to leaving my phone in car and its too damn cold to go out and get it. Even if I did, the temp. Won't let me use it and by then I have managed to talk myself down lol!

So, take battery out of phone and bury it in a box in a closet behind seven trunks. At least when you go searching for it, it will give you a chance to not text after all, cuz it's a lot of work to put it back together and wait for it to boot up.

Thanks Ruby. Oh and AS that is typical H

Oh and Mindful, I think I'm ready now.

And here comes the anger.
Today was pretty crappy. I had to work and I have already had the manager yelling at me twice because I should be able to smile, no matter what is happening in my life. I didn't feel like smiling today. It was so hard.

In a way it feels like loosing him all over again. I still felt that he loved me, I still felt that we could try again. No I don't, I do feel he still loves me but that's not enough anymore. That's not how you treat someone you love.

H would really have to jump through hoops for us to try again now. I cant see him doing that. He broke us,,.. And our children.

I took S 8 to oz tag today and afterwards there was a father chasing his son around. S would usually watch things like that while laughing. Today he was watching with a sad look on his face, slowly walking while looking back.
He seen me watching him and "Said his Dads chasing him because he didn't want to put his shirt back on" his eyes were so sad. It breaks my heart.

I have to work again tomorrow too. It's harder to smile and be happy, when someone is trying to force it on you.

H sent me a text saying "Hi" today. I didn't respond, the kids called him earlier and S8 put me on, H says he was still at work and he will call me later. I have to figure out what I am going to say to him.

He wants to come to a carnival on the weekend with us. He was thinking in staying the night on Sunday and helping me sort out stuff on Monday.
I don't want him to come or to stay anymore.

It may not be good DBing but I'm just not seeing any other option. I'm actually confused about that part of DBing. Telling them you will be friendly but not friends.

I'm still going to try to stay to the DBing style, To be a better person myself.
I'm so hurt and the anger, that I didn't feel now comes in waves.
Honestly, I think a big reason why this is so hard for me is because I have never met my father. Yes my kids still have their Dad in there lives but it's not the same.
I never wanted this for my kids. I know nobody does but that was a big fear of mine.

I'm scared of feeling like this for possibly years. I'm scared of the effect it will have on my children. I'm scared of what the fucture might hold. I'm scared if H taking my kids camping or away for holidays by himself, he has never had that responsibility before. Maybe during the day but not overnight, Not for days in end.
I don't know how to deal with these fears.

We got caught in a huge storm on the way back from oz tag, both of my back windows leak in my car I just brought a few months ago. I haven't got the money to fix them. Im really struggling financially. Child support us worked out a lot differently here. All H has to give me is $100.00 a week. I have to look for a full time job now. I feel like I will be missing out on even more of my children's lives at a time where they need me the most.

I'm still so so lost. Not as confused but very lost.

I have a question about detachment. I found this article online that describes detachment in detail.
What is detachment?
Detachment is the:
* Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves.
* Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational.
* Giving another person "the space" to be herself.
* Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people.
* Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing.
* Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life.
* Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence.
* Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering.
* Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling.
* Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life.
* Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point.
* Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.
* Ability to allow people to be who they "really are" rather than who you "want them to be."
* Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

So I have highlighted some points in bold. I don't understand how you can do these things while maintaining the sentence i highlighted in red.
Can somebody help me out on this please?
There is also more on that page about detaching and how to do so. I found it interesting but there is obviously a very fine line that i can not yet see.