Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

Well Snodderly, it's sad but true at work they expect us to be Suzy Sunshine, as you put it, all the freaking time. Quite frankly, it's just annoying, I mean I have to be like that at home for the most part, so you know it'd just be nice to have a break. Don't get me wrong, I'm generally a positive person and happy, but if I'm not in the mood I don't want to feel like I have to put on an act, I really can't stand fake, and refuse to do it, also the families I work with are gonna know, they aren't stupid, and I know they wouldn't appreciate it either, so pretty much the office staff can shove it. I think I get this amount of overwhelmed when work starts over stressing me too.... I really am just exhausted. I really do miss ever getting a good night's sleep.

On a fun note, I have just watched episode 14 of Once Upon a Time (there are 22 in season one), I'm hoping to be caught up soon! That show really is super addicting! LOL

Lisa.7~LOL Love your epiphany moment! Also thank you for your support.

mrsrjd~ I'm so glad you can find inspiration here! My dear friend and I have often said I'm probably having more fun in his MLC than he is. Sometimes doing something fun and just for you really is the best medicine.... and don't feel guilty about doing it, because we've all earned it, that's for sure! Today will definitely be a better day because I will choose to make it one.

Dear, sweet T, you can always make me laugh, thank you, much needed! I can guarantee he wouldn't eat that cake if I made it (I have a bunch of co-workers who would though!). Hey anytime you decide to go wild and visit PA I'll make ya a chocolate cake with PB icing! LOL (That goes for anyone reading this.) On the chocolate PB note, I did make a really amazing chocolate, peanut butter mousse pie a couple of weeks ago, he of course didn't touch it, but everyone one I shared it with just raved about how great it was. LOL If fact my dear friend keeps asking when I'm making another.

Well T I'm thinking after last night he's not gonna be spending anymore time with me...... I have no idea what the hell his problem was but I really wanted to punch him in the face (which clearly I would never do because I don't have violent bone in my body)! Here's what happened.....

When he got home he asked if I had gotten my car taken care of (oh, btw we are back into super separating everything, he even asked if he could use "my" computer, to which I replied of course you can always use the computer.) I told him it had and handed him the paperwork. I told him what the guy had said about the transmission fluid, which I know nothing about, was just stating what he said. H flew off the handle, saying it sounded like he was trying to get money out of me, blah blah blah, I should ask the dealer, the fluid is fine. I did my very best at suppressing my rage, and said well I don't know anything about cars so I was just telling you.... at that point he yells at me, Whatever, I don't want to fight with you and storms out the front door (oh I beg to differ seems like that's EXACTLY what he wanted to do).

I stood in the living room and thought, oh heck no, he is NOT doing this. Well I guess he thought he would get out of talking to me if he stayed down in the garage after he took the trash can back down, no way did I let that happen. I did some deep cleansing breaths, attempted cool, calm and collected and marched my butt down there. He was at his car. I said, "I'm sorry if you are in a bad mood, but I was just trying to tell you what was said. Like I said I don't know anything about this stuff." He yells at me, "I'M NOT IN A BAD MOOD!" Spouts off more spew about the guy trying to take advantage of me and I need to be careful because I'm a woman (oh yeah, like I'm f--king helpless, wtf?) Then he went onto say he checked my transmission fluid and it looks fine. I just said well like I said I'm sorry if you are in a bad mood, I don't know what I'll decide to do, I'm not made of money, I was just telling you about it because it's YOUR car too." Then I went back upstairs. As much as I wanted to I did NOT slam the door, so go me! Oh I should add I had never gone to the place I had taken the car before, it's only a mile from our house and came to find out the man who owns it goes to the same church as me (I didn't mention that to H), and in the course of his suggestions I never once felt pressured into making an appointment, he always stated it's up to me he was just informing me. I think if he wanted my money like, oh say, the dealers he would have pushed me into doing it and even try to do it that day.... just my opinion though....

I went out with my dear friend later that evening and told her about the craziness. The theory she is standing by is that while he keeps saying he wants me to do everything on my own it pisses him off when I do and it goes well. She thinks he doesn't want me to need him at the same time he wants me to need him, thereby royally screwing any action I take because it will be wrong in his mind. IDK, any thoughts anyone?

Oh.... and I may have released some of my anger (before he got home) but throwing his toothbrush across the room repeatedly.... Kaffee if you still read this, I think you were the one who suggested using it to clean the toilet LOL, I didn't go that far.... but throwing it across the room was quite therapeutic .

LMAO @ the toothbrush! You crack me up!! Haha

I have that feeling a couple of times lately where I H has said he will show me how to do something than sounds upset that I have already done it. I feel like saying " Sorry buddy, I have my big girl panties on!!" Lol
I think your friend hit the mail on the head with the hammer! I hate loose, loose situations. Sounds like you handled it great!

Ooooh! That toothbrush thing sounds AWESOME! lol

hrm,
I think it's time to purchase a spinbrush for him to use since he's constantly spinning around. At least he would feel like he's "moving on"...LOL!

Hang in there...Friday's coming!

hrm,

I think your friend is right...W was like that when I did handle the kids just fine, and in a fun way(!), with bedtime, schoolwork, etc. Guess she didn't like it when I wore my "super dad" panties...errrr...pants, I mean.

(Note to self....be sure to soak the head of toothbrush in listerine before using if I have pissed W off)



T^2

Hi hrm,

If you ever do this:


Here is the proper "guy" etiquette:
a> punch in face
b> buy or give a beer
c> then you can start a meaningful conversation!

hope that got a laugh out for you today...just was thinking of you and wanted to make someone laugh. Everyone has flu/cold around here this weekend (except me, guess I have too much responsibility/to do to get sick or something...lol) so pretty tough audience...

Hope you are doing well and the toothbrush hasn't migrated....

T^2

OMG T, your timing could NOT have been better, I was in desperate need of a laugh! Maybe that's what I've been doing wrong, being too girly, should have just followed your steps all this time! LMAO!!! So sorry to hear everyone has the flu, that's no fun. I'm apparently off work today and tomorrow due to the potential storm.... which, as for today, is a total waste of a day off.... but I don't have a say in when we are closed for weather... H went to work, so I'll just chill and relax. Oh, and no, the toothbrush has not moved.... well yet anyway....

Snodderly~ Love the spin brush idea, but I bet I'd get yelled at for spending money on him! LOL

mrsrjd~ Well the toothbrush thing was very therapeutic at the time... have at it!

Lisa.7~ I have long since come to the decision no matter what I say or do it will be wrong, so I just continue to try to do the best I can.

updates in Crazytown~ I'm going to start by saying the um.... discussion.... yeah, that's it, we will call it a discussion... that I had with H yesterday, was well less than DB.... but well..... sometimes you just have to let them have it.... so I did.....

When I got home from church yesterday H asked if he could talk to be about something, I said sure. Well he got upset with me about barging into his room last night instead of knocking (I kept hearing a clicking noise it was 10:30 I was trying to sleep, I saw his light on, thought I would see if he knew what it was, he looked at me like I was crazy and shook his head acted like it was a big deal. I just went back to bed, no big deal- well to me apparently).

I just couldn't take it anymore, and thought if it's a fight he wants it's a fight he will get.... I totally lost it! I guess you could say I did a 180, cause I normally don't yell or flip out but yesterday, I did.

He came flying up and was about a half inch from my face, I thought he may hit me (which he has never done, I and would never ever imagine him doing), so I said what are you going to do hit me??? He seemed very offended by that comment and said I've never raised a hand at you, why would you think I would do that, to which I replied I never thought you would leave either!

I pretty much restated everything I have been stating, only super angry... like say I still love him unconditionally and am willing to explore the option of getting to know each other all over again, even in this moment.. I did add a few things.... I went out on a limb and asked how his dad is. He flew off the handle, standing by his "he hasn't been a father in years" routine. I told him it's sad he doesn't want a relationship with him and thinks he would be fine if his dad died tomorrow. I was a very good girl in that I did NOT bring up his mother.

I would like to point out this whole time in the conversation I was talking to monster, it was scary. Monster told me how happy he is and told me, "You just are upset because I am happy without you in my life." to which I replied, "Fvck you." Which he took to mean he was right, so I pointed how his words don't match his actions and that even though in his head we aren't married, I'm still here, he's still "with" me. So I'm not going to repeat all of that same old song and dance. Throughout this part of the discussion I repeatedly yelled shut up and told him it's my turn to talk and his to listen (it's kinda funny looking back, sooooo not me).

I told him he needs to stop buying sh1t and look inside himself, that was a long part of the conversation, too much to type but you get the jist. I also said he doesn't have to keep acting like he needs no one, it takes a strong, sexy man to admit he needs to talk to someone. At one point when he was on his tangent about not loving me, I said, you don't really care about me, I know you are very selfish right now, but you need to realize I'm not just losing my husband but my best friend, then I went on to list all the things I have been missing about our relationship and he went from monster to depressed in a split second. Said he couldn't handle this conversation anymore and stormed off to his room.

He was there for about 5 minutes before emerging. He came out sat on the couch and told me I win and asked what I want him to do. I said win what, this isn't a battle. He was still looking very depressed, deflated, and like he may have started to cry... maybe... I told him he knows what I want, but I don't want him doing anything against his will. I told him I want him to go to counseling. He said fine, but he wasn't happy about it. He made some comment about everyone thinks.... something or rather, I don't remember cause I was so focused on the use of everyone, I said who's everyone? He said no one else. I said who else H? He said no one, I misspoken it's just you. Then he said something about people thinking something... and corrected himself and said I meant you. Makes me think there may be at least one person other than me smart enough to see the man's in crisis... IDK.

After sitting in silence a few minutes, (I was sitting at the table, conveniently my Bible was still there from church that morning, so I opened it and started reading and praying silently, and H was sitting on the couch). He said he wanted to get back to preparing for the storm and asked if I needed anything else. I said I didn't want to sound stupid but did he mean from the store. He said he meant from the conversation. I said no.

He went back to being emergency preparedness H. Did end up going to the store, asked if there was anything else I needed or wanted. I was hanging up laundry he came in an hugged me and said no hard feelings? I said no, we hugged for a few minutes then he went to the store.

Later, I had been napping (emotional exhaustion I suppose) in bed and he had been napping on the couch. He came back and crawled into bed with me! And well we all know where that went!

Later he asked if I wanted to watch a movie with him that a co-worker let him borrow. We watched the movie. He actually spent most of the evening with me, we watched another movie and talked about the impending storm.

Talk about craziness!!! I pray he does pay the mortgage this month, since he almost left yesterday (well said he was gonna anyway). I think he thinks he's threatening me, and I keep pointing out the door, even though I don't know what I would really do.

I think he knows he needs help, but he doesn't want to admit it. OH and the truth I could pull out of him... he views me and the house as the same thing.... holding him back from getting out of the job he hates..... gee.... looks like I was right all along..... I know it's against his will... but I hope counseling will help him....

So all thoughts? Let me have it.... lol

hrm,
Sometmes we have to bust their bubbles and tell them how we feel. We can only take so much for so long...so, you've said what is on your mind, now step back and allow God to have him.

Mlcers will threaten to leave or do something to get us to back off and leave them alone. They can't handle the up close and personal aspects of our feelings/emotions or us wanting them to do something.

As for counseling, time will tell if he will go and if he goes, just how long he will continue w/it.

Right now, he's going to be Mr. Goody Two Shoes become mom was angry. He'll get back into the mlc mode again very soon.

Please take care of yourself. I know it's tough having them live in the home. Stay safe during this storm.

Wow, hrm, that's quite the encounter. You are a strong, brave woman. I love the contrast with you screaming at him then later praying and reading your Bible.

You are made of the quality he wants, but he needs to admit it. I'm so glad you can post here.

MLC IS crazytown, isn't it? If only crazytown could get blown away by the storm and we could start afresh!

You are doing great!

Hi hrm!

Hey, this storm does go well with your Wizard of Oz themed thread!

Don't you ever play the game "Hypothetical things I would love to say to H" ?
I know I do, and you have so many opportunties with his super crazy thinking!

I love his "No hard feelings" bit he gave you. Wouldn't it be great to give him a response like "For which selfish insensitive thing you did are you referring to?" Or "Of course there's no hard feelings, I TOTALLY envisioned our M to be this way" or if you wanted to get really crazy, "Nope, no hard feelings. Hey, would you mind if I used your toothbrush?"

See, it IS a fun game!

Hope all is well with you. IMO, Sandy is nothing compared to the MLC storm!