JJ..if you have ideas for me...let's talk on the board. I am open to suggestions and would love a male perspective. I am really at my wit's end. I am having trouble db'ing...which I once did so well..that my marriage seemed to be repairing itself...now it seems to be self destructing...he is making these weird advances toward coming home...but then poking and prodding me to get me to fight with him...not sure if there is really an ow or if this is midlife crisis...no hard proof...just series of weird events...I am confused and angry and tired...and everytime I put my heart on the line...he is cruel and mean to me.
You know at this point sports fans...I just don't even know what to do when he gets home tonight. I want to just ignore him treat him like sh*t ....the way he treats me. But will that help? No. I don't want to touch him or have him try to touch me. I wish he wasn't coming home now. It's just too stressful. He is just mean and selfish and thinks only of his mommy and daddy, job, and self...never of us and how we might feel. It's old. It's tired. It's near the death stage for me....I am reaching that place where I just don't care anymore. Maybe I will become a WAW...and just leave him. It's probably what he wants so he can try and keep this dang house and all our stuff. He has a rude awakening coming if he thinks that will be the case...
God..I was so excited and happy that he was coming home and we were going to work on it...and then he pulls this crap putting his folks first again...I just can't take too much more before I do quit. I think getting a d may be the answer.
Any ideas on how to act when he gets home? I really don't know what to do. He'll be here by 11pm at the latest...and it's after 5 now.
Try your hardest to do your best "act as if" when he walks through the door. Believe me, I know it's not easy, but YOU deserve the night to go well!
Stay with your "I was so excited and happy that he was coming home" mode, and try to put the "working on it" off to the side for this evening.
This thing with his family is an old battle, and a big one, and it's not going to be resolved tonight. I'm dealing with an old battle with my wife at this very moment that I'm as pissed as hell about, but I know I'm not going to do any good by taking it any farther right now. Tomorrow's going to be another day, I'll deal with it then, and I'm NOT going to let it ruin my evening!!
Keeping this short in case your H gets home sooner. Just wanted to let you know to try doing this, not for him, but for you! You deserve a pleasant, "unangry" evening tonight! I think I do, too!!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Great guys..thanks for that. I will act as if...and try to actually mean it...if only so I don't have to deal with his button pushing and anger and meanness. Big Thanks to JJ and Tony! Hugs, Akgal
Probably too late to catch you before H gets home, but you're in my thoughts.
Just a thought on H "pushing your buttons" of late...
There are just so many possibilities here:
- he IS pushing you, but WHY? Have you fell into old, pre-db patterns that might be fueling this?
- he's stressed, lashing out, not really too conscious of it all
- the thing with his folks...definitely an issue, but as JJ said, a biggie for another day. And why ASSume he did the shopping thing specifically to p!ss you off?
That's really mindreading in the worst possible way!
Hope you 180'd him, A, or at least had a peaceful reunion.
He was not nice when he got home and I lost it. I threw him out. I can not go on like this. I can not be the only one working on a relationship. I just can't do it.
He's coming over today to get some of his things and bring dissolutionment papers.
It's over. He says he has no feelings for me and that I am a c*nt.
I'm sorry to hear about yesterday. I bet you aren't feeling great.
May I suggest you just lie really low for a while?
Alaskangal, I went back and read some of your early posts from about September.
It seems your H didn't like your drinking, but as you say you have stopped, what else can he be objecting to?
I venture to say he is in some kind of MLC or has someone else somewhere. *IF* either of these is the case, then you cannot hasten the process of eventually coming closer together again, it has to run its course, if you know what I mean. Getting closer could mean reconiliation, or it could just mean a peace, and agreeing to desagree...
So really, if you just go dark, carry on thinking about yourself - your retraining, your work, your son etc and your own circle of friends, you will reach a point of equilibrium were you are better able to see the larger picture.
I think I am somewhat at that stage myself, but I'm not 100% sure, it feels to me that whichever way things swing for me now, I will make the best of it. But it has been a long and rocky path. I just thank fortune that I came across this DB stuff to allow me to get to this point.
Although ealier I had gone dark and 'moved forward' on my own, it was very much on the basis of protecting myself, harbouring bad feelings for H and possibly an element of waiting for his comeuppance.
Instead, I now feel some understanding and compassion for H, and even see OW, my ex friend, as someone who made a very bad choice, not someone who is evil. I had a lot of respect for this person before she became OW, otherwise she would not have been my friend!
I just pray that you stick around here and regain your sense of selfworth and self esteem, and play it cool.
((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
