1. Be positive. The words you speak and the thoughts you accept determine your point of view. You then act consistent with your point of view and life makes your point of view come true. If you want a life that works, don't speak negatively or accept negative thoughts about yourself, other people or your life. Don't speak or think negatively unless you want your negative point of view to come true. Positive Action....I will follow the doctor's orders and get off the meds...goal...or positive thought...as a result... ...MY H will see the changes in me and will come home to me. We will work through this and have a happy, healthy marriage. 2. Accept yourself. You are the way you are whether you like it or not. Until you make peace with the way you are, you will never make peace with life. Accept every aspect of yourself, particularly the aspects that you don't like. Allow yourself to experience the hurt and the feelings of being worthless and not good enough. Allow yourself to be human. See the love and the beauty that you are, just the way that you are. Positive Action....I will not say negative things about myself....positive result...I will feel and look better. My H will notice the change in me.
3. Let go. When you resist the way life is, you get upset and lose your ability to see what needs to be done. You destroy love and tend to make your situation worse. To restore effectiveness and peace of mind, let go of your demands for how life should be and make peace with the way life is. Be willing to experience all the hurt and the emotion that your circumstances reactivate. Then do whatever you need to do.
Positive Action...I will feel my emotions. I will cry, rant, rave, etc. but not share these emotions with H right now. I will give H space and thus let go and let God. Positive Result....H will see that I love him enough to respect his need for space.
4. Express your love. To have love, open your heart and give love. Accept and appreciate people just the way they are. Be like a child. See the love and beauty in everyone. As you express your love for people, people will naturally express their love for you.
Positive Action...I will express love for H in different ways...I will give him space, contact only when necessary, not fight with him, not pursue, and be civil at all times. Positive Result...H will notice change and want more contact.
5. Accept full responsibility for your life. When you see your 100 % responsibility for what happens around you, you get your power back. Others may also be responsible, but when you blame them, you give them your power. You become a victim and unable to take action. Accepting responsibility allows you to take charge of your life. Positive Action...I accept that I am responsible for my own happiness. Positive result...I will be happier.
6. Forgive yourself. At the moment you did whatever you did, you saw life in a very particular way. If you were wiser and more aware, you could have acted differently, but you weren't. You only knew what you knew. Forgive yourself for not being wiser and more aware. Forgive yourself for acting consistent with your limited awareness. Notice that you did the very best you could with the limited equipment that you had at the time.
Positive Action...I forgive myself. Positive Result..I am at peace with myself.
7. Handle what doesn't work. When an aspect of your life doesn't work, you get upset and close down. You lose your aliveness and peace of mind. Unworkability exists only because you tolerate it. List all the items in your life that don't work and handle each one as fast as you can. Clean up your environment, your relationships, your health and your finances. Handle every aspect of your life that doesn't work.
Positive Action...I will journal about what doesn't work in my life on bb. Positive Result...I will see take actions to change what doesn't work.
8. Let go of resentment. Forgiveness is not for the other person. It's for you. When you resent, a part of you dies inside. You become bitter and lose your ability to love. Resentments are a subconscious tool we use to avoid hurt. Once you are willing to feel your hurt, you no longer need to resent. You can then forgive. Forgive the person for not being wiser and more aware. Forgive the person for acting consistent with his or her limited ability.
Positive Action...I will pray for those I resent. Positive Result...I will feel better and have less resentment in my heart, mind, and soul.
9. Don't overspend. Upsets about money seem to be due to a lack of income, but this is seldom the case. Most people in the world would love to have your level of income. Upsets about money are almost always due to overspending. When spending exceeds your income, you can expect to get upset. To create a life of prosperity, make sure you spend less than you make.
Positive Action...I will not overspend. Positive Result...I will have one less bill to worry about tomorrow.
10. Find a dream to go for. When you have a dream to go for, life becomes an exciting adventure. You have direction and a reason for living. You add spice to your life. If you don't have a dream to go for, get one as fast as you can. Find your dreams and go full speed to make them come true.
Positive Action...I will work on my dream...which is writing. I have a chapter for a book due to publisher next week and an article due to magazine next week....my dream doesn't pay well, but it feeds my soul and my heart and my self esteem....
Positive Result...I will feel fulfilled.
11. Serve. Have your life be about more than you. When you put focus on yourself, upsets and problems grow. When you focus on serving others, upsets and problems dissolve. Find something more important than you and throw yourself into it. Have your life be about contributing.
Positive Action...I will read someone else's thread and try to help them with their sitch. Positive Result....I will get out of my own problems and be less selfish and self-centered.
12. Experience your spirituality. Love is your life force. The source of love is God. Create a relationship with God and allow yourself to be guided. Be still and listen. Pray and trust your intuition. Find what allows you experience the presence of God and do it often. Give your life to God and learn to love.
Positive Action...Pray even more. Meditate. Ask God for help. Accept His Will and His help.
Positive Result...I don't have to be in charge ...and never really was...He is.
Was this your MD? Were you ever properly assessed by a Psychologist or Psychiatrist?
What meds were you on? Are you sure he said to cold turkey them?
Lots of good advice here re YOU and your H...I really like the fact that he LISTENED about the diagnosis error, the meds...was this call AFTER he got your e-mail?
Personally, and I may be completely alone on this, but I think you NEEDED to send that ONE letter (or perhaps better, the BB edited version )...maybe there are some things there he really did not know.
Maybe your very reaction floored him, maybe he expected you to tell him to go f*ck himself!
But, as others have said, enough about HIM...you are making amazing changes in yourself for YOU...it's all about persistence and patience and as many DBers can tell you...it CAN be done with a D in the works.
I am on topomax, welbutrin, and risperdal. I have a psychiatrist..not just an MD...He says that maybe all along I have been getting misdiagnosed...that perhaps I have been up and down because of alcohol abuse and that I should definitely try going without meds for a brief while...he also said it will take a while before meds are out of my system....at least two weeks...we are going to discuss how to go off meds tomorrow in person....I doubt it will be cold turkey, but I am hopeful that it will be a quick process...the welbutrin has never sat well with me...it makes me feel so agitated... but I didn't want to question the dr's orders as I sooo wanted to get well...now I know I am the expert on me and I need to question everything that makes me uncomfortable.....or uneasy, whatever....I hate the topomax now because of the sexual dysfunctional side effects...little to know orgasmic capabilities on it...and the risperdal lends to that same effect...so I am really looking forward to no meds...and a new lease on life....Wow..never thought I would be grateful to be an alcoholic...but if that is all I am...thank God...maybe I can lead a normal sober life ....as the meds always only seemed to help for a brief period of time and then always seemed to be out of whack for me...making me worse and not better...that's why doc thinks that they aren't necessary...he thinks that I am over medicated...not undermedicated and need to try life on life's terms....praise God...so do I..... But now what do I do about H? Leave him alone, right? Call or email or beep only when really absolutely necessary. Does that mean I can call after doctor's appointment to share news....or should I not call him? Any ideas or input? He's up there until the 27th and then I don't know where he's going..so this is the only time I know for sure that I can communicate with him...so giving him his space really is difficult on me...when I want to talk and work on things and make up and make everything go away and go back to where we were a month ago before things fell apart so quickly....
Would it be ok to call and say good night and that I love him if I keep it short and sweet? What do folks think? I really am missing contact...it had been since the 27th...before we had talked and I'm thinking if I can show him that I can have limited contact but keep it civil and short that would show change for me.
And then I won't email or call during his work day...just call briefly at night to say good night and hope he has a pleasent day the next day...what do you all think?
I guess what I am saying is that it would be a 180 for me to not be extreme. To be dark or to be over contacting him are the two extremes I have always fallen into...I want to try to have some normal contact for a change...a call after work to say how was your day and have a good night...is normal...so any input?
Hi Alaskangal...I would say don't call him...you have a hugh amount on your plate right now to deal with..work on getting yourself strong..detaching may not always be the best in every sitch..but you need to give each other space to figure things out...you sound very strong..keep working on that. No one knows where the future is going to take us, but we can take care of ourselves to handle what ever comes our way.
Are you involved in your church..there is much support there..as I have learned this past year.
)...maybe there are some things there he really did not know.