My son is great...wants to use money he made commercial fishing over the summer to take me to Hawaii....for spring break...when I said it was not necessary for him to pay for a vacation for his momma..he said...but I want to go and I can't go without you....he is a jewel. A diamond. A bright shining star of a child ...I am blessed with a wonderful son who not only loves me but likes me.
Thanks for your support! I need all I can get right now.
Life is going to get a lot lighter, later this weekend. You're already over the worst of an intense drama which has been playing itself out for far too long. Now, things are sorting themselves out. You can't though, claim too much credit for this. The main improvements have either happened naturally or they have come about through the intervention of someone else. That's fine but you need to understand what caused a certain problem in the first place, if only to be sure that it won't recur. Hence your current learning process.
Not sure how to take this....sounds good..but I am too fearful to get too hopeful....
That by the way if you don't know was my Gemini Cainer Scope for today...I am a Gemini Virgo Rising...if anyone has any input for that...fun to look up...but I am a Christian first...although I believe God uses all kinds of messengers.
H is definitely still very distant. We talked about his trip a little. We talked about his brother. I talked about being solution focused...not dredging up past and not going over and over our problems...but looking for solutions to them instead....less conflict in our marriage that way...then we talked about new chair we bought...where it is going to go...am going to switch furniture around to take H's suggestion before he gets home...sort of a welcome home gesture...sure hope he will come home ...I have until the 27th of this month to db from a distance..he is at work until then...then hopefully, he will come home. Haven't asked or even mentioned him coming home directly, but did ask him if it would be convenient to stop at best buy on his way home and look for some software to eliminate spam from computer...he said it's right by Sam's Club...which meant in H speak...yes it's convenient... He did not say...I am not coming home...that's a positive, right? Of course, he didn't say I am coming home either...so I may be reading way too much into all of this...
it's almost 10:OO Alaskan time...gotta run...need to get up early tomorrow and work....hugs to all....
I can't believe it..but I think I really am PIECING again...
We can act as if things are ok between us...perhaps...and perhaps they will be again...
I have been reading your thread, and feeling for you. Not always able to offer any advice though! I am going through a very similar up and down scenario too. One day good, next day awful!
It looks like we need to follow the advice posted on many threads, to let our planned (DBing) actions dictate our emotions and not let our emotions dictate our actions! So keep positive. Damned hard, I know, when inside you feel like crying, or asking questions, or just KNOWING what the outcome of all this will be!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Last night....I had asked him to give me a wake up call this morning and he got a bit angry sounding when he said...yeah, what time...his voice said ...you pain in the butt...so I said nevermind...you are still hurt and angry and I am pushing you too much...then I said we should get off the phone ...he didn't say good bye..I said it again and he finally said yeah ok...good bye...very abruptly ....so the call did not end on an overall good tone...I think he is playing me...placating me...so that I will not call him during the day...but in his alien mind I fear he is still very much planning on filing for divorce and getting an attorney....I guess I have to keep it dim and keep acting as if when we talk at night... I think he just wants to see if I can be made to be undeserving of spousal maintainance...so he doesn't have to pay anything to me .....but that is negative thinking...so I will believe he is busy today...that I pushed a bit too far and he needs space...and if he doesn't call me tonight...I won't call him....
I am working on an article right now...and have to use the weekend to write the first chapter of a book I may get a contract to write...wish me luck....I really need to focus on my writing...it's sure hard though....
Oh yeah...got spam prevention from my internet provider...first month trial free....that's an action step for me...because we were getting some that really upset me and made me distrust him...
Beeped him at his break time today, knowing that might mean he would not call me tonight...however, the trim along my living room front wall floor and laminate flooring is pulling up and away from the flooring....asked him if he wanted me to get some nails and wood putty and toe nail it back down...he was ok about it...said no, he'd rather see it first...before I start pounding nails into it.. Told him I was rearranging living room to see where new chair might fit...(the chair isn't due here til early March)...he reminded me it wasn't going to get here for a few months...I said I knew that, but was taking breaks from writing by puttering around the house..he gave a suggestion on one way to place furniture...I said I would try it out... told him I didn't want to take up his whole break...and thought that it was important enough to beep him about floor problem, so I hoped to talk to him tonight..he said yeah, ok...not too enthusiastically, but not too horrible...also told him garbage is piling up...needs to be dealt with soon...should I hire someone to take care of it? (I don't drive and it has to be taken to the dump) He said if the birds weren't in it ..let it be for now... was going to go out with girlfriend tonight but she cancelled on me again...says Sunday night for sure...guess I will maybe hit an AA meeting...just to get out of the house... Am hoping that he calls early rather than me having to call him at 9 tonight...it would be a nice change for him to call me...am getting stronger in db'ing frame of mind...maybe tomorrow I won't call him or be available at all.. tonight..I still want my allowable agreed upon contact with him though....I still am missing him a lot....and gosh darn it am getting horny...something about his voice when he is quieter and more laid back with me...I guess that what I can't have turns me on...so maybe I need to see that from his point of view and try to turn him on by becoming less available to him...I know, I know....it's getting through my thick skull...slowly but surely....just still have huge fear that he is just leading me on to keep me from bothering him too much at work...he has not said I love you.. tonight..keep it light...ask about him...mention rearranging furniture...talk about decks going on this summer...the garage we had been planning..but as if we are still planning it...
