Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Any hope?

TJP...I wanted to say Hello and tell You I have read most of your sitch. Im sorry what we are going through. I also have 2 daughters, younger than yours, that are going through h*ll. My H is with OW at this point and Im am struggling very much about it. You can read my story to get the whole thing, but this weekend was terrible and it has affected all of us terribly.

H confessed his love to OW to my girls and I and I have been a basket case ever since:( Im having a hard time also because I am 5 months pregnant and my emotions are all over the place. I am trying to keep it together for my kids, unborn baby and myself but its hard. I see that you are struggling too and looking for answers and hopeful posts. I also want to hear the success stories, but I have come to know that everyone is different and my H is pretty "real" on being done. I want to have hope, but its so very hard.

I wanted to give good vibes your way...I know exactly what you're feeling. I cannot give advice, as Im new, but at least I can give hugs!

SB

I am so sorry for your sitch. I can't imagine going thru this with my daughters any younger, and defiantly not being pregnant as well. You are a strong woman to be there for your girls.

You may need to read my story if you haven't yet. My H also told me in July when we were visiting him and on vacation, that he loved the OW. They had been working together in Sweden while me and my Ds were here in the US. When he said those words, I thought I was going to die right then and there. I just discovered the affair a couple days earlier. Before we left him, he had broken it off with the OW. Said that PA had only been going on 2 1/2 weeks. The EA I assume had been going on much longer. I know he's possessed right now and not himself, but how do you fall in love with someone after such a short amount of time? I guess that MLCers can justify their feelings.

My husband has felt bad about what he's done, but doesn't want to come home. When he is n town, he stays at an extra apt his boss has. He has made two business trips since he got back mid sept and last I knew planning two more before Christmas. One trip is back to Sweden. Yea.....

He hasn't been talking to me in weeks. Last time I did hear anything of substance from him, he said he was sorry about the affair. He said the affair wasn't the problem, it was a symptom. Well, it's been a huge problem for the rest of us! He won't say what his problem is, maybe he doesn't know. He is text book MLC. Maybe he is seeing that.

He has been so stressed about what has happened, that he got a severe case of shingles before he left Sweden. I feel horrible that he is in so much pain. But, a little part of me says,"good" I want you to be miserable. I really do wish he wasn't in so much pain. I love him and miss him terribly.

He isn't communicating with me, our Ds or our best friends...pretty much the people that know what has been going on. My concern is he's talking to OW. I hope he's not. He said before he wasn't, but things are hard to believe with him.

I wish I had advice for you too. But, I can't seem to get my own life together. I will be saying a prayer for you and your precious girls. Hugs back to you. Keep in touch and let me know how you're doing. :o)

I believe there's always hope. I've really struggled with this lately too.

When I step back from the situation, when I'm able, I can see there's hope--BUT--I need to accept whatever happens may not come in the package I imagine or on my time frame. I believe in the love my and H and I HAVE. It's still in there somewhere.

The part of me that has faith in this love, knows he will eventually come around. The part I have to accept, however, is it may not be next week, next year or even within the next five years. For reasons only God understands, H needs to feel all this on his own right now. Today, I'm ok. Still feel angry as he-- and want to rip his and OW's faces off. But, my soul is telling me things will work out and we will be fine.

Sometimes it feels like he jumped off a cliff and, like it or not, the kids and I were strapped behind and had to take this great leap of faith too. But, isn't that what faith is? A leap into the unknown.

It's accepting the unknown. I have ALWAYS been a planner, organizer. This is something that has completely changed since all of this mess started. I do have faith in my husband. I know and our girls know that he is in there somewhere. But, like you said, it's going to happen on his timeframe. He probably doesn't even know when that will be. We have absolutely no contact with him. I got an email yesterday. One sentence. It was about money. No Hi or Bye. Nothing else. I dream about our future and I always see us together. Even when I start thinking about being without him, I always end up seeing us together. I cry almost everyday worrying about him and the pain he's going thru. I worry the same thing about my Ds. I feel so alone at times. I cry because I miss the love of my life.

I feel ya, I really do.

Have you read Jed Diamond's "Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship from Irritable Male Syndrome?" There's a chapter where a woman relates a situation very similar to yours. Her husband came home and said he needed space and you know the drill...anyway, he went to Europe? I think Europe--and she didn't speak to him for six months. She left him alone. He came back with gratitude for her patience. They reconciled.

I would probably benefit from that story. I have read DR and ordered three more books that are due to be delivered Saturday. I am not going to give up. I have many days that I have felt like it. I promised myself and my Ds that I wouldn't give up on H. Thanks so much for the info! Happy Halloween! :o)

Just ordered the book :o)

I'm glad, it's a good one. Diamond is very reassuring and encouraging.

Exactly what I need. Thanks!

I just noticed you have two daughters too. My oldest is in her senior year and also feeling lots of anger about the last two years of high school getting all screwed up thanks to H. Just thought I'd mention it. She is really struggling. H doesn't contact the girls much at all and when he does it's inconsistent.