Cadet - that is really terrific - thank you for finding it and re-posting it.
I hope it will be helpful to all of us here - as with the MLCers, constantly taking our emotional temperature isn't a good idea, but checking where we are, and how we are slipping between the stages, but moving towards the end goal of living again can be helpful. And this is a very good guide imho
I found the distinction between resentment and anger very helpful - I very occasionally still feel a stab, but now it is quickly followed with a shrug, and 'Oh well'. The most recent was over my youngest son's valuable piano which I have arranged to have looked after . . . . until he can have it in his own home. All that stuff tends to fall to the LBS - although, and this is interesting, my xh did display a degree of interest . . . .
Mostly I believe I am in the latter stages - resentment is as far back as I slip, and that not often!
Recently I have been exploring the less attractive side of my own character - not in a self blaming way, but looking at the things that are not so healthy, and how I would now do them differently if I was in that position again - not with respect to my marriage, but my life generally.
My own journey is not yet over, but I am on the road.
Cadet, thank you so much for all you do on resources to bring to our attention the valuable lessons that others have learned and posted. Your over-view is awesome.
Cadet, thank you so much for re-posting that thread.
Now, that I gone through and re-read it, I do remember reading it before. When I read through it the first time it was just after I came to the board. I have to admit I didn't absorb as much as I should have the first time through. Those posts resonate even more now.
1) grief. GRIEF & LOSS (this might be only one i'm sure about- i'm only 1 yr post (total knowledge) tho 4 or so of "disconnect" & "what the heck is up with him" and denial from h
Honestly- GRIEF -all consuming- Gut wrenchng loss/sadness is all that could feel- for the "gone-ness" of my buddy, friend, companion, life, dreams, hopes, future, past, etc. you get the drift. IN A FOG- COULDN't face people, getting up- thinking, focusing, nothing in the universe able to give me pleasure - hated everything i owned- you get the pic.
2) denial - maybe & mild depression - MONTHS of "why" "how could he" (whatever that is) - - after a year - i can almost feel sometimes that i can live without him in my life- but sometimes i'm still washed over with the - resistance to life alone- or without h. maybe a minute here or there of acceptance. i'm functioning - but not even at half speed - and I'm not "self" or cheery. might snapping out of "why" phase after a year (slow learner)
don't know what you call that.
3) b]QUANDRY[/b] STAGE. rethinking of entire life w/h, r, me, everything- GIANT RETHINKING - questioning it all - so [ OVERWHELMING uncertainty & uncomfortableness about where were- where going-
- that's it for me for now- just in case you're doing a survey here.
not any giant anger that stays around- some giant flashes- som giant flashes of this & that- but as far as a giant day in and day out phase -that hangs arount - that's what i can identify i think. if i'm nuts- i'll revamp
