Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Need some hope.

Thanks grateful. I can really relate. My H did try to change the situation we were in, but I wasn't aware back then. He probably felt really bad back then and couldn't see the light.... now he found someone new, and he think it's his true light... I really can't argue with it.... I can't help crying and feeling betrayed but I think he must have had his hard crying moments too.... after all, I know he is not a bad guy..... I just feel so sad we had to come to this. I don't want to accept the truth, I guess that's why it is hurting me so much.

I know how you feel. I wish that I could take away the pain from you, but I can assure you that GAL will help with the pain. I want so bad to constantly talk or text W, but the only times where something positive happens is honestly when I just give her the space she needs. Look at what you are doing that isn't working. Don't keep doing the same thing.

I just can't believe he chose her. And he's not talking to me at all. He left me at his parents house and gone. He wants me to disappear from his life probably. I feel like trash. And he used to be so nice to me..... I can't get over it yet..... I know i will have to eventually.... and knowing that makes me cry too... I feel so weak right now

So sorry you're going through this. Unfortunately he probably does view the M as over, so I doubt he sees anything wrong with what he's doing or feels he has to answer to you in any way.



Well like we always say around here, the only thing you can work on is you. Detach. GAL. Sink all your efforts into yourself and they WILL pay off.



Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. You don't really know for sure. No R is all fun and games. Maybe it is initially, but at some point the bloom is off the rose and reality comes home to roost.



And what would that gain, would it make you feel better if he did that? Would you smile at him and thank him for being honest with you? Or are you looking for an opportunity to rip him a new one?



Sounds like the anger talking. Just give yourself some time to adjust to this new development, and while you're adjusting make a commitment not to contact him or talk to him at all.



No. Not in your current state. Just try to relax, get out and walk or run and work some kinks out. Try not to dwell on it. Give yourself some time to recover before deciding your next step.

Nina,

I am so very new at this myself (I just started posting in MLC) at only three months but your words made my heart bleed. Because I know exactly how you feel - and how I think he tried to tell me, but I was not listening properly and how now he has moved onto a better thing. I am beating myself with all those belts. The pain is so intense. I have never been emotional - but now I am crying every day. Worse, in trying to make the thoughts go away, they just get louder.

Nina, breathe for right now. Just breathe.

I cannot offer advice, but I can tell you that I also flew off the handle when I found proof of the other woman. I was the last to know. He had a girlfriend and I was the last to know. Flying off the handle made my situation worse. He became more withdrawn than before. So breathe before you make any decisions at all.

I am so sorry for your pain.

yeah, I calmed down a little bit now. Thanks Grateful! I haven't seen any positive changes since he left, but I did see all kinds of negative changes from me constantly calling....and I msged him daily for awhile, eventually went to his city and met with him, and that was the worst....Thanks for reminding me.

Yeah, I would use every excuse I could think of to communicate. Guess what... made things worse. It is the hardest thing in the world to do, but it is the most effective for both of you ... especially you.

Thank you AnotherStander, I do realize that I did some anger talk. Thanks for pointing it out. I was resentful. I'm slowly accepting that his mind is really not on me or anything with me now...I still have dreams about him almost every night, I feel so sad. It's just that he is not contacting me at all, nothing is going on. It's complicated because I'm staying at his parents' house right now, so I'm reminded of him every single day. And I don't know what his parents are telling him, I know they're in contact a little. I just don't know why he isn't telling me anything. And the last time I saw him, he even said he basically decided to come back!!! And I know it's a lie now but why did he say that. Maybe he was worried that I'd cry or something to make him feel bad, that he wanted me to leave, so he lied. But, I just don't know why he is hiding so much now. Or maybe he doesn't think he is hiding. Maybe he's just waiting for me to move out of the house, then tell me the news....

I calmed down more now, it's silly of me to consider visiting him.... It really wouldn't do me any good.... I thought I was still in control of a say to him but... yeah, I don't think he cares anymore...

Thank you again Grateful, I didn't even realize I seemed that desperate in contacting him. I did also use a bunch of excuses that I thought was reasonable to contact him before, and they turned out to be....bad. I'm not crying now, I guess today just made me see the cold true fact more clearly, I hope it helps me to detach more.

Yesterday was my day to cry and sulk, so I know exactly how you feel.