Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis thinking on new life w/o X

I dreamt last night that New Guy and I were looking at rings.

<grin>

What did the good rings look like ? <G>

Well, we looked at real ones now. I am thinking maybe a ruby.

You go, girl !

(All I had to go on was a convoluted verbal description)

Sleeper, Wow, you feel like my "bud" through all of this--always thought we were on similar time frames or tracks or whatever....

It's been a long time since I posted. I am busy w/New Guy and kids and had this strange feeling this week, like, wow, how did I get here? A lot of change is in the wind and I see so much happening right now.

Every now and then I have a pang for the life that I used to have w/X--well, the good parts, from the old days. I don't miss the bad parts from the more recent times. But now I have new responsibilities, new love, new ideas about what I want. New Guy has impressed me with his kindness and I realized what it means to be able to count on someone.

And so what happens to the MLCer? Mine is broke and living alone while he attempts to tend to GF#2, who is not likely to live long. He gave me such a strange look the other day when I dropped off DD--jealousy, regret....I don't know what. Does he have regrets? I don't know. I doubt I'll ever know.

The original OW has long since danced off into the sunset, having gotten the professional boost she wanted from X, and is busy with her bragging little ways.

Time has flown since I began posting here. DD was a baby. She doesn't remember a time when X and I were ever together, I realized. The sweet little baby things are being replaced with school age things...and I was there for all of those things. I am proud of that. I am glad that I focused on DD and made us a good life together.

I do believe this: for people who wonder if they are doing the right thing by standing: you are. You will be able to say you gave it 100% and know you did your best, regardless of the outcome.

I dont think I have ever posted to you but it's ncie to hear you came out of this intact...in your heart and with your new life...
I am on my 6th yr. my ex has married o/w they have been together for 5yrs married this yr.
And I know some will 2x4 me for saying this but I AM A STANDER and I will be till I am told otherwise by the Lord.
I do have a life of my own do fun things,have friends.....but my heart still belongs to my husband....maybe one day that will change but for now I am doing what I know I should be doing....
Or maybe one day I will not be because what I see of my ex, he is not a very nice man anymore.....very selfish,and thinks only of himself
But when that day comes I will know I gave it 100%....You deserve much happiness for what you have been thru, for all of us and I hope and pray we all have that again.....
Take care and am so happy for you Irma

Irma, Its your right to stand on your head if that is what you wish, but based on what you have said, what are you standing for? Your XH has remarried, he is an arse, mean, selfish, you name it...... What are you standing for? I honestly think you are doing this to make up for mistakes you made when you were younger.... Guess what? That was then, this is now, you are a different person! Quit punishing yourself!!!

I emailed X that I anticipate moving sometime next year, to be with New Guy, and that we anticipate being married (no date yet) and that D will be with us.

No reply. Not surprised, really, and don't really care. I need to keep X informed on things is all. Lots to consider with new blended family issues now, and I don't have time to worry about X.

Irma: I think each person takes the necessary time to come through things and heal, and of course you can stand as long as you wish.

However, you are taking a martyr stance here, and you may want to think that over. Frankly, a martyr is not attractive. And your life is worth more than the person who left years ago.

Observation-without-emotion...I am wondering if New Woman has been dumped. I noticed her picture was removed in X's apartment.

If he did dump her, pretty cold as she needed support badly.

At any rate, not my problem. I talk to him some about what D is doing but otherwise I just let him be. I offer him no extra time w/D and lately he hasn't asked for any.

New Guy is happy. Personality-wise, I like his sense of humor and ability to laugh at himself. Quite the opposite of X, or at least the X I know now.