I just spoke with W on the phone. I started the conversation by saying that I have not answer her phone calls, nor her messages because I did not wanted to say anything that would make things worse. She asked if I had spoken to her S24, and I said yes, that he said that W went on sunday demanding money from him and that he said no, and that it was when she called somebody to sell her the couches. W told me that it was not the whole truth, that she and her son had agree that he was going to buy the couches, and when he denied to pay she called a friend of ours to sell her the furniture. W says they continue arguing and that her son kicked her out of the house. That is when she called me to cancel all the house utilities. I, again, said to W that I did not want to say anything or make decisions that would bring us more problems, that I was not there when she had that discussion with her son. She did not let me finished my phrase and said: "Well, if you want to keep paying for the bills go ahead" then, she hanged up. I called her left her a voice mail saying that my intentions were not finish the conversation like that, that we needed to find a solution to finish with little problems as we could, and that everything that was in the house was for the benefit of Stepson13 and that she should not be selling it.
Yesterday after our phone conversation W came to work because she needed to talk. I said it was ok because was concerned about how everything was turning. I, also, needed some closure to questions I had.
W started by saying that she could not believe I did not believe her when she told me her side of the story about the argument she had with her S24. I said that she just did not wanted to hear anything and did not let me finish my phrase and just hanged up on me. She said that he was yelling and screaming at her and that he kicked her and my SS13 out the house and that I had agreed for him to do that to them. She said that her S24 and I had that conversation on Friday, and supposedely we agreed that I was going to live with them and help them pay for the rent, but that her mom was not allowed in the house. I said to W that we did had a conversation and said that I was going to pay for next coming rent, and that S24 and his W had the rest of the month to find a place to move out. I said to W that I was paying the extra month because I needed the time to relocate my dogs, the car (fixer upper) and also to give her the time to get her stuff. She was still upset and again told me I was not her side, I just stood quiet. She said that since I was not answering that I was agreeing with her son. I said, that I have told her before that I did not want to say anything that would trigger more problems between us. I said to her that even though I did not agree with the way her son talks to her, that it was something they both needed to work and fix. She understood, and said that it was only little things that she wanted.
From there I said to W that I was concerned about how everthing was developing since last thursday when she did not come back home. She said that since she knew how I was going to react, she did not do anything to stop it. I said that we were supposed to be working in our R and that it would have been good if she would have done things differently. I asked straight out if she was with OM, she said no, but if what I wanted to hear was that she does not want to be with me that it was it. I ask her if she her to be honest and tell me if she has had any contact with OM. She said yes, and at the same moment her phone rang, it was OM. She answered the phone and said to him that she was with me talking at a park, and that she would call him later. I raised my voice and said to him that indeed she was with me when she was making promises of love to him. I totally lost my self respect on that. She got upset and asked me to take her back to her truck.
On the way back I told her that I was concerned about her safety, physically and emotionally and also because of SS13. I said that my concern was that OM drinks, uses drugs and has already been violent to her at an early stage of their R. She said that he drinks but he is not a drug addict. My reply was that it was a conversation we would not agree on, but that it was her the one who told me about him using drugs and that it would be very difficult for her to convince me other wise. She stood quiet, and I continue saying that my concern also extended to my SS13. I said to her that it was not a safe place for SS13 to be at OM house. She said that she did not understood why I believed she was already living at OM house and that she was always at OM place all the time. She got me thinking, that is what I choose to believe, and she does not wants to go thru the trouble of making me believe otherwise. I believe that because of all the situations we went thru. She said "ok, the truth is I spent the thursday and all the weekend with OM. There, you already know". I said that it was ok, that her decisions are for her to make.
She then asked me if I had the title to the truck she was driving in the office and I said yes. I asked her if she had the title to the car I was driving and she said yes. I been thinking for quite a while that since she is already with somebody else, that that somebody else needed to provide for her. I would not hesitate to leave anything for her, if she was on her own. I got inside the office and took an empty envelope, and when I returned to the parking lot she gave me the title to the car. I said to her that I was not going to give her any of the vehicles and that she needed to call somebody to come pick her up. She was in shock, her face was pale and could not say anything. After a while she started crying and calling me all sorts of names and making threats, I responded that she needed to leave or I would call the police. She said she was going to call OM and that I was in big trouble, I just said that I was not afraid of him and that if he would come to my work place he would have to face charges with the police. She grabed her phone and supposedly she call him, she was saying that I had taken everything for her and that she needed him to come to my workplace. I again said to her that if that was the case I would call the police and press charges on both of them. She put her phone on her purse and said, "ok, he is not coming, I did not call him" She was more calmed and said she was not with him, and that thursday all of her female cousings went out and they came back to her moms place and that she spent the night there because they did not let her drive. She also told me that she spent all weekend at her mom's place and that if I did not believe her to call her mom. I did, I dialed her mom's number and she picked up. I said that I had taken the truck from W, but the line cut off. W called her mom from her phone and said that I had taken the truck from her, she was on speakerphon. Her mom said that why did I do that because the truck was hers. I said, that I felt that since her daughter was with somebody else, I believed that OM should be providing for her. That everything we made as a couple was the fruit of our relationship, and since she was the one walking out, she needed to rely on the support of OM. Her mom said that she agreed with me and ask her why she was making me believe she was with OM. Her mom finished by saying that W spent all weekend with her since thursday. I soften a bit after hearing her mom, and ask her why she was going trhu all the hassle of lying, that the truth hurts, but that at least it gives respect to both people. I also said that by lying we both lost the respect for each other and that because of that we were on the situation we were in at the moment. She was crying but said yes with her head.
She again told me that she was not with OM, but that he has been contacting her. I said that it was her problem, and if she wanted to continue on that relationship was her choice. She said that she did not want any relationships right now, not with me, not with anybody. She also said, if I wanted to believe her that I can go and see that she is staying at her other son's apartment.
She asked me if she could keep the truck because she needed it to go to work. I said to her that if she wanted the car she could take it (it is a piece of junk), that it was the last thing I would do to help her. She said, she understood my point of view, since she had made me believe that she was with OM, it was fair for OM to provide for her. She also said that she was grateful I had always respected and provided for her even before we broke up. She took the keys to the car and said she would be calling every once in a while and that if I needed to go check on her every night that it was ok.
Your wife (and OM) are both known liars, and I don't know why you continue to seek comfort -- and confirmation of the truth -- from her as your source.
This whole thing reads like a COPS episode. I hope you will do what you need to do to protect yourself, and SS13, double-AA.
I will admit, I didn't finish reading your post, but I think I pretty much got the gist of it.
I see your point of view and it is right on the head. I can not believe my wife.
I do not know how far you read, but there was a point in the conversation that we both talked to her mom. Her mom agreed with me, and confirmed that her daughter was with her all weekend. I am not making excuses for anybody I just want some input.
Yesterday I found out so much dirt about W, that I am beggining with the process of healing my self. There is still a part of me that wants to cover the sun with one finger, but I my head is telling me to move on and ignore my heart.
Again, your help and advice is always appreciated..
I need some advice from anybody that has become a succesful story that did not get their spouse back.
Yesterday, like I said on my last post, found so much dirt about my W. She texted me in the morning because we needed to register SS13 at school and since all the bills (proof of residency) are under my name, I had to be present. We had agreed the day before that she was going to take some stuff for her, and she was doing so. She borrowed a big truck which she said was from a friend. My emotions are out of wack from the 2nd rupture, and was just going thru the motions. I went to my place (aunt's house) and laid down for a while, I had a migraine. W called me to ask me how I was doing, she did that several times until she went to my place to take some headache pills. She said she was going to return the truck to her friend. After a while I left also, and was driving around. I was telling my self, "this is only to clear your head", but in reality I was looking for my W. And like they say: If you keep on looking, you will find what you are looking for. I saw the truck my W was driving at a house, and also her car.
I went to my own house to pick up some stuff, and W's S24 (he was living there). He saw me all down, and tried to confort me, bad thing, his way of conforting me was to tell me all sort of bad things about his mom. My W is pretty much a known lair, so I do believe 90% of what S24 told me.
W has created a buch of lies to cover more lies...
What I basically need, is advice on how to heal. What did anybody who became better without getting his/her spouse dealt with the pain? How did they manage to control their need to look for their spouse? How did they manage not to beg for a reconsiliation? What did they do, if spouse looked for them after their decision of ending their R?
So many questions.
It was only two weeks after second brake up. It is too painful for me to continue. I do not want to deal with her lies, I do not want to be her second option, I do not want to be her doormat anymore.
I am ending the leasing of the house we were living, and we both agreed on that. Today in the morning she called me because she wanted to stay in the house and for her S22 and W to move with her so they can pay the rent. This same thing she did it with her S24, and they were continuously fighting so she finally moved out yesterday. Now that she know S24 is moving out to, she wants her S22 to pay for the rent. Right now my W is not working, therefore, she has no money. That was one of the issues she was fighting with S24, and I am pretty sure the same thing will happen with S22. I really believe she is just using every mean for her own benefit without really caring about the people she is hurting. I said to her that I was going to end the lease, and that she would have to do something else. Yesterday, she called me several times because of my headache, today after this conversation she has not called me at all. She knows what my feeling are right now, and the need that I have for her, therefore I believe she is just playing her part to make feel worse and for me to beg latter on. Like I said I do not want to deal with this anymore. I want to move on, I am just to attached to her still.
