Agreed. I know addressing the medical does not fix the other, but the rapid weight loss, hair loss, lack of sleep and horrible, irregular cycles are doing her in and can potentially be addressed. She is the mother of our four children and doesnt see that a deteriorating health issue does and will affect them.
Forces you to watch, observe and wait for the right moment for her to see an open door for at least this one piece of the challenges.
Also reminds you to always take care of yourself -- especially now.
M:44 W:41 M: 12 yrs W's EA began 3/12 Somewhere between WAW and MLC Still in same house
Her previous (and only) therapist said she had OCD tendencies an focuses on the negatives constantly, to the point of them becoming debilitating. They said she may need medicine, but she's strongly against taking any and believes things can be fixed with the mind.
Oh boy, that puts you in a tough spot. It sounds like she needs treatment. Of course you can't tell her that because she'll think you're just making excuses for your own "bad" behavior (bad in her interpretation of things). You could approach someone else to talk to her (her mother or a friend) but unfortunately if they disclose that you asked them to talk to her that'll be interpreted as you making excuses AND gathering people against her. The best you can do for now is detach, give her time and space and hope that she comes to the realization that she needs med's to get through this.
This link will give you the insight. Page 18 and 19 cover the topic.I find it to be a VERY important skill to learn. Not easy, but highly effective. It sounds like your taking the right steps. Still a lot more to uncover but I am sure myself and the vets will help you out.
Have you read DR? If not, it would probably be a wise idea.
It's time to try and read it again. It's been a while. I say "try" because I'm so exhausted I don't think I can stay awake!
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
Her previous (and only) therapist said she had OCD tendencies an focuses on the negatives constantly, to the point of them becoming debilitating. They said she may need medicine, but she's strongly against taking any and believes things can be fixed with the mind.
Oh boy, that puts you in a tough spot. It sounds like she needs treatment. Of course you can't tell her that because she'll think you're just making excuses for your own "bad" behavior (bad in her interpretation of things). You could approach someone else to talk to her (her mother or a friend) but unfortunately if they disclose that you asked them to talk to her that'll be interpreted as you making excuses AND gathering people against her. The best you can do for now is detach, give her time and space and hope that she comes to the realization that she needs med's to get through this.
This is part of the problem... as I start to think about what I could have done differently this time, I come up empty. I need to spend more time dwelling on this and reviewing my notes from last time...
This time she even went as far as to tell me that I've been perfect lately. I've been a great husband and a great father. I wasn't given any indication of what I could change.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
Agreed. I know addressing the medical does not fix the other, but the rapid weight loss, hair loss, lack of sleep and horrible, irregular cycles are doing her in and can potentially be addressed. She is the mother of our four children and doesnt see that a deteriorating health issue does and will affect them.
Forces you to watch, observe and wait for the right moment for her to see an open door for at least this one piece of the challenges.
Also reminds you to always take care of yourself -- especially now.
Williams, I know that is so hard to watch. I'm so sorry. You're right... it is a reminder to take care of yourself. I'm thinking about setting the alarm 45 minutes early tomorrow and going for a run. I haven't done that in over 10 years! I just hope I can sleep tonight so I'm able to get up.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
I got home from work and she made dinner for the three of us. She briefly asked how I was doing, "I said I was doing good, all things considered." she said she was doing about the same.
We played with our son and got him to bed. She left to meet up with a friend from high school that she hasn't seen in years.
I'm still so confused how we got here again. Two nights ago she snuggled me on the couch. The day before that she said we needed to spice up our sex life and initiated sex. Two days ago she talked about how we (together) would discuss sex with our son when the time came... All things for the future. I'm so lost.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
And I noticed she didn't wear her wedding ring today. Im going to go read for a bit. Thanks to those that had posted and helped today.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
