Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Here we go again...

I had a good time being out for a few hours last night. I got up with S this morning... he was in such a happy mood!

She keeps a S-Journal by the bed. She writes in it a few times a week, the idea is to capture the moments and things S does as he grows. She knows I don't read it, as I once told her that was her book and I wouldn't want to invade her privacy. She said I could, but I declined saying it felt weird.

Last night I read the last month's entries. They included:
9/7 - I miss H. I never want to be a single mom. This isn't a walk in the park. (I was on one of two 5 day work trips I do each year)
9/25 - Did project around house. "heart" my little family
9/30 - H hid about 10 boxes of candy around the house. So funny to keep randomly finding them. "heart"

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You all got me chewing on the possibility of there being an OM. I now think there could be:
*There's a guy at work that she stopped mentioning as much. He was a mentor of sorts.
*She went on a business trip for three days, about 5 days prior to dropping the bomb. I asked her to send me the flight/hotel info. She got defensive and said I've never asked for that before when she travels. I told her I worry more these days, especially with S. She never sent it to me.
*She did some "grooming" stating it was because she knew I liked it. But it was a little more stubbly at that time, so it was done earlier.
*The suspected OM wasn't at her one work happy hour that I was invited to recently.
*The suspected OM most likely would also have been on her business trip.
*When we had issues 6 months ago.. she came home drunk one night. She had been out with work people. She told me "people are assholes" and wouldn't elaborate. That was about the time she started turning back towards us.
*She recently had an all-day work outing. She didn't come home until very late and didn't communicate with me at all. She said it was because her phone died and offered to prove it to me.

I'm debating ways to dig into this. Intel. The game changes if there's an OM. Thoughts?

Also... my mom called me last night. She read me a series of questions about W and asked me to simply answer yes or no. I answered yes to at least 75% of them.

It was a quiz to determine if you could have Hypothyroidism, a thyroid issue.

OK SG my thoughts are that it is possible there's an OM. The last time my W had an A it was with a co-worker. I became suspicious when she started going to happy hours with coworkers very frequently and started coming home late. She rarely answered her phone. Like your W I had a bomb dropped on me before I discovered the A. According to her we were seperated even though we were in the same house.

I had the gut feeling she was cheating so I went thru her pocketbook one morning before work. I found a guys pager number and address. I confronted her and she denied everything saying he worked in the IT dept and she need his info for an emergency. Well I didn't buy it so when she was out I went online and checked her cellphone record and I was able to see where show was at because the bill used to show which tower calls were either coming from or going to. I had her then there was no more.denying the A. Plus she took our youngest S down to her work on an off day to have lunch w this creep. She even went so far as to have him call me and say they were friends that he would never do that and that he had a gf.

Once she owned up to it I told her parents and they were pissed. I even told her boss because her work frowns upon company romances. Two.weeks after telling her boss he was fired. She told me some.lame reason for his firing but I really think her work looked into things and prolly caught them.emailing or whatever. I even went so far as to spy on her after work and saw them together. So I did whatever it took to kill the A. I don't think letting it run its course works and it shows your weakness and lack of self respect.

I hope she's not doing it to you but it sounds similar to my switch a few years ago.

I don't have many ideas on how to bust this open.
I'm going to pull cell records soon. I'm building up the courage as I'm guessing I won't like what I see. I also know I'll have some homework to do in determining who owns each of the numbers she communicates with.

I'm strongly debating a private investigator.

Her stepdad just called me. He said that he and her mom are there to help if I need them for anything.

A PI is expensive and I would leave her folks out of it for now.

Expense isn't really a concern if it gets me the info I need.

I personally wish that I would have never snooped, spied, or did anything else to break her trust in me. My time would've been better served working on myself. In my w's mind she is done, wedding vows or not she is able to justify all of her actions. Ask yourself if knowing if there is another man how are you going to feel and what will you do? Will it help or hurt your own personal well being? When you wake up in the morning will you be proud of your actions?

eyesopen was or is there an OM in your sitch?

Some

Not much to add here except that you need to prepare yourself emotionally for what you may find. If you confront I suggest getting some advice as to the best way to do it.

I also suggest that you prepare yourself for a possible D if that is the case. By prepare I mean, have a plan of attack and know what it is that YOU want. Research D laws in your state. Have a good handel on the finances. Know what you are up against.

A PI is better purchased through a L.

Whatever you do make sure you are ready to do it. Make sure that you understand that once you go down that path you can not do a "do over". Once the cat is out of the bag it is out.

The inital emotion is to say F this... Get yourself under control before YOU do anything.

Eric

I suspect there is as I did spy and found her a another man's house overnight. I waited til the morning and confronted her. I thought if she could see that I was willing to forgive anything that we could make it. She said that they were only friends. What is it believe half of what you see, and nothing of what they say. If there is more to it than that, I don't know. The kids have not met anyone else, and she doesn't seem to be deceptive about anything. I really wish that I would not have snooped. Wether or not it is EA or PA, imaging someone else supporting her instead of me is very difficult. I am not a jealous person by nature, but it hurts. Not knowing would be one less major thing weighing on my mind. It seems to have added pressure to a already pressure filled sitch. Not to mention I broke some trust boundaries by spying, creating another obstacle for her to overcome. Do I think it is wrong what she did, hell yeah. But or goal is to be the lighthouse back home.