Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers 3 years aftet D-Day and i finally registet

I found an old e-mail from her from 4 months after d-day. I blew it. She seemed to hand me an instruction manual, even though it was still riddled with denial and covering up the affairs, but she pointed out what she needed to heal. At that time, all i could hear were the lies.

Ed

You should encourage him to love her that is his mother. The question is do YOU Ed want to deny her visitation? Do you think she is a good role model for your S right now? I know you said you cannot afford a lawyer but I really think that when it comes to your S and to your W's addiction and erratic visitation schedule that you need to do what is in his best interest and get a lawyers advice on this.

I see her as a part time mother and that's at best. She comes and goes in and out of his life as she pleases. I'm no child psychologist but this pattern cannot be good for him. He may appear ok to you but are you really sure he is ok? He needs some stability in his life. I don't know Ed but I think she needs to make a choice, it's either the party life or her S. If she cannot sober up for him then what does that tell you?

Enough wallowing in the self pity. What exactly did you blow? She has made her own choices in life. She is the one being selfish and I agree with what 25 said to you before you are enabling her. So do you accept her lies and affairs? If not then do something about it!

I really like and respect the very last sentence of yours.

I have had several free consultations with at least 3 attorneys after she moved out in February. Until there is a court order regarding custody, she "Legally" can have him or even take him anytime she wants to.

I informed her that the most important thing he needs in his life is consistency and that the only thing consistent she has shown him is not being around very much for him.

Ed

She is going to ruin her relationship with him but that is HER problem Ed not yours. I don't think I've ever said this on here before but Ed I think its time for you to really let her go and move on with your life. Do it for YOU and for your S you both deserve better.

That is what i am currently in the progress of doing.

I am working on personal and business goals now.

I did find the access codes for my business website and my old proposal format script to continue doing my estimates as they come in.

We, (me and my son), are going to a family birthday party this coming Saturday right after his morning karate class is done.

I have not called or texted her since last Saturday, when she had him for a shortened visit and i did not reply to her 1 phone call since she left no voice mail message either.

It's a start.

Ed

Tonight, after we got done with going to the library and getting his homework done, ee joined about 2 dozen fellowship members going out to a local restaurant. We both had some fun talking to a couple of other guys at our table.

My son was very gabby and one guy has about 3 to 4 brand new lego sets he was giving away, so way cool for my son.

Also, i may have a new job lead to follow up on tomorrow.

I'm just trying to move on, stay busy and finally get productive once again.

Honestly though, that has been much easier to do without any contact. Some sort of minor sense of peace for a change.

Ed

25YrsMlc, you were quoting LeopoldStoch with the majority of your responses and questions. I am not sure if that was what you intended to do.

She drinks when she goes out to bars and house parties from past history. She is not drinking prior to showing up on the occasions she has attended his karate classes. They are right after she gets done driving her school bus route and early Saturday mornings.

I am detaching the best way that i know how to presently.

What do you see as me still enabling her?

I have not had contact with her since lastlast Saturday. I stopped giving her updates on our dons scheduled upcoming events. I don't text her anymore photos of him enjoying his activities. I no longer reply quickly to her texts or voice mail messages.

After i entered my last post, i missed a phone call from her as we were driving back home from the restaurant because my phone was set to silent mode still from the meeting i was at.

This time she left a voice mail message that i will respond to later. She called 2 times in a row and was ticked off and stated i have not gotten back to her after 3 calls so fat this week.

So now, this probably makes me into a bigger enemy to her that her and her
M can rally against getting more unified.

I don't want to become her enemy any more than she already has made me out to be.

As far as a custody agreement, the courts prefer to continue with the status quo and i have proven to be a capable parent child care provider.

Yes, i want to avoid divorce court as long as i have not been served. Her lawyer did file last January 6th for sure. I do not have funds for a retainer fee and free legal help has declined to represent me. I have inquired with several entities.

So please tell me how and what i am doing to enable her?

Ed
.....

I did return her 2 phone calls and 1 text she sent late Thursday evening, but i did that after noon on Friday, not 1st thing the next morning.

Saturday morning, my son had a sore throat and we skipped his karate class. I did give my wife a courtesy call 10 minutes before class started to let her know we would not be there.

My son felt better by afternoon enough for us to attend my niece and nephews 7th birthday party at a sports complex and then we went to my brothers house for a 3 hour visit. My sons throat started bothering him again, but not so much to prevent him from having fun.

Today, he slept in late and skipped Church just to have a low key day to get him feeling better. He loved my homemade french toast and gave it a resounding 1,000 thumbs up.

As a side note, it doesn't even surprise me that his mother did not express any desire to want to help take care of our slightly sick son.

I hope to get some pointers as to what wrong enabling actions i am still making towards my wife.