You sound fantastic! I'm so happy for you that you're enjoying this transition. Loving your place, loving your job etc.
It's funny how you find yourself slipping into this:
Quote:
I immediately went into crazy jks mode and started sharing with him the spiritual feelings I have been having about our R lately. He said, he can't go there right now because he doesn't feel the same way about it anymore.
I did that previously I think it's habit. And he would do it too. It's because emotionally you're so used to sharing everything but don't beat yourself up over it. and I don't think you have. Keep going! happy for you!
I want to feel loved again. Weird? It's been a while. I saw my H today and I get that feeling of a family for about 5-10 min and then it's gone. We are so nice and normal to each other. It makes me walk away scratching my head every time. Sometimes I wish he was a jerk to me so I would lose all of that feeling of love for him.
As my kids and I were driving in the car to meet him today they told me that they hate going back and forth, back and forth. And why can't daddy just come live with us? I said, that's a question to ask him. Not me.
Nights are lonely without my kids here. And actually even when they are here, I miss that adult interaction of going over our day with each other and just hanging out. Sometimes I really can't believe this is it.
My mom's H was telling me today that he can't get over the fact that my H has this W that is so willing to still try and make it work even after everything he's done. And he doesn't see any value in that. It just blows his mind because so many wives would be gone so long ago. Why can't I just completely let it go?
I know. Because my family and commitment mean more to me than anything in this whole world. If I look at my H and feel nothing then I know that there's nothing more to fight for. But I still look at him and I still feel it and I still desire to be a family again. But I do know that there are great guys all over. Finding single ones is the hard part. Especially single guys who are willing to take on a responsibility of three small children.
Sometimes I don't understand why my H got it so easy... He has someone that in his mind is perfect for him in every way. She was willing to leave her H for him. She's willing to raise his children with him. She's willing to move where ever he needs to be close to his kids.
I cannot believe I've lost my H so quickly over the last year. Don't get me wrong... I'm happy. Just lonely. And when the loneliness kicks in I tend to miss my H even more. I have zero prospects and I know it's going to be difficult. Really difficult. So I don't look forward to it because I know I'll have to learn to trust another man all over again. And I thought I could trust my H with my life. This is going to be a huge struggle for me to overcome.
I don't want to be one of those dates that dwells on past relationships. But in a way... the only thing I know and have had my focus on for the past year is my relationship with my H. Now my mind is more on my work. But how interesting is that? Ha.
For GAL I'm trying to save my money up to get a season pass to a ski resort this winter. My only wish is that I had someone to get it with so we could go on a regular basis together. I guess that will be my goal. To find a friend that would be willing to do that with me. I'd love to get a lot better at skiing and to get out every week and do something extremely active like that would be amazing.
Just some ramblings tonight before I go to bed.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
The comments by ur mom's H don't help. I know they mean well but they just put you in self-pity mode. And you're so much more than that! Remember!!! You have 3 little ones that need mom to be their ROCK! Imagine you're the female version of "the Rock" everytime you miss Hs presence.
It's ok to miss him. I did for a while but as time goes on you start to enjoy not having him around. This sounded really sad to me before but now I see it. For example. H always watches TV before going to bed. I hated that. Now things are super calm before bed. I love it.
Don't get me wrong, I still want him back but I need to enjoy what's around me in the meantime.
BTW: H never has the kids overnite but sometimes I wish he did so I could get a break. Enjoy your break!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Sometimes I don't understand why my H got it so easy... He has someone that in his mind is perfect for him in every way.
I had that feeling! And I remember feeling jealous not of him but that he had a relationship and I didn't.
But....the time spent alone, learning about ourselves and about the M will pay off exponentially. And I know my STBXH doesn't feel good deep down in having had help in the transition. not standing on his own two feet etc. And she's insecure and jealous because it began so soon after our S. Your H's relationship will have the same insecurities because they were both M when they met.
It is tough and I can't imagine having little ones too. Glad you're getting a break. I love the ski pass idea. Who knows you could make friends there and then make plans to meet up. I have been making plans with girls more often and that I barely know a lot more. I have more of a why not attitude and it's fun!
JKS, I know this is extremely painful but try not to put the kids in the middle of this emotionally. Here's where I think a good family therapist can help is how to answer that question for them without directing them back to your H.
I think your skiing plan is a great one! It sure makes me feel better.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Today has been a day of non-stop crying. H finally found a place and is moving in with OW. This is really happening.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
I'm sooo sorry you're going through this. Remember to breathe and not add any heavy stuff on your plate for the next few days. BY that I mean: Don't be around people that will be negative and send into another downward spiral.
I felt the same the day H moved out. Although he didn't leave with OW, I was so hurt because I had put a timeline on the separation and was sure we would reconcile before May of this year.
Spoil yourself rotten. I'm sending you many many warm fuzzies!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
i am so so sorry. i hope that you will call some friends and family to help you through this. i know it feels like the heart can not possibly heal from this, but then i read the posts of all the vets here and i know it can.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
you will get through this too. Stay calm. i know this is a kick in the gut. i feel it with you. remember though, in terms of where YOU are, YOU are in a good place. you have a started a new life, your kids are happy...this is simply a change in proximity for now.
love you jks...
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thank you ladies. I feel like I'm having an outer body experience. I don't feel like myself at all. H officially moved in with OW today. And will be taking the kids tomorrow. So now the kids will know that daddy is living with another woman and is still married to mommy.
My mind is all over the place. I don't know what to think. This is the biggest nightmare I could ever experience. And I can't just crawl in a whole and die like I want to right now. I have to continue to be happy and unphased by this as I continue to see him.
That is the worst part. Because nothing I say matters or is going to change anything. I want to be ok, I'm just really not right now.
As I've gone through my day today, I've just gone through the motions. Just a never-ending sickness to my stomach. He is so far ahead of me in moving forward. I need to get unstuck. I'm holding on to a R that isn't going to happen. This is the truth.
Moving on feels a little impossible right now. I miss him so much and yet I'm so angry with him for doing this.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
