Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Been served papers - first hearing two weeks away

To be honest, I do believe that I did break her. For years, she poured her heart out into the marriage. She gave up trying a few years ago and stayed for the kids. Did I file for divorce, no? But I went a long way to push her to.

Thank you so much for the good advice. I have a question for you. After screwing up royally by telling her goodbye and asking her to reconsider counceling, I decided to do the 180 mentioned in the book. I had to talk with my D last night, and I didn't speak with W. W sends an email asking if I am upset with her. Why would someone that has filed for D, served papers and have a court date for next week care if I am upset with her?

First, I'm so sorry for you and your situation. I know this isn't easy.

Your wife is noticing your behaviors. This is a good thing.

I hope you are right. I just replied, "No, I am not upset with you at all." I don't know if that was good or not. She didn't reply back.

Don't worry about her lack of response. She was doing a temperature check. I'm learning you don't always have to reply to these questions right away. Be busy.

Well, I took a couple of steps backwards today. About a month ago, I posted a prayer request about my situation on another Facebook page besides my own. Tuesday, people replied to it, and so did I. One of those people were from the church we attended and she still attends. They starting emailing her. Most didn't know. W was furios.

I found out today that my W expected this to be an uncontested D. She didn't think I would fight it. I don't know if that is a good thing or bad.

Have you talked to your L about your options?

In my state maybe things are different, but my L asked me what I thought I would gain by contesting my H. We'd both spend a lot more on attorneys fees, and we'd end up just as divorced. However, it may be possible to slow things down. The more you fight her the more justified she will feel in doing what she's doing.

JHL

I know how much you are in pain right now dude. Heart like a mofo when you can NOW see the mistakes you made. Here is the thing, acknowledgement of your mistakes is the first step and YOU can fix them. To do so though you must really forgive YOURSELF (much easier said than done). IF you can’t learn to FORGIVE yourself, your approach to DBing may be impacted.

I am sorry you are here man.

JHL – I would suggest that right now you really stop talking to anyone other than your L about the D. Remember your L works for YOU…he can to some extent make this go as fast or as slow as you really want.

Time is on your side buddy and it ain’t over till the fat lady sings….matter of fact…it aint over till YOU say it is!

What else can you tell me about you, hobbies, family background, work, ……?

I don't know what to do actually. Yes, it is cheaper to go the uncontested route. However, I live to the standards of the Bible. God hates divorce. I have been told by my Christian friends to fight it out for the Lord.