Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Walking on egg shells

I'm ordering DR from Amazon , we need help , plus I suggested going to our church for counseling

I guess I just have to accept that he thinks everything is my fault. I lost it and started crying again and he thinks I was trying to make a scene in front of the kids and I was absolutely not wanting that. I told him I just want the pain to go away and he said just except it. It's tearing me apart I have cried every day for three weeks now! How do I control this ? I can't keep doing this!
He says this all started two years ago when I wrote a check that bounced. He said it broke down to years! I am sorry about it to this day and honestly did not do it on purpose but he won't listen to me. Why would this still be an issue?!! I said if things are not better by November I'm moving out I can't live like this, I feel like in dying inside, I wish he knew I really do not want to cause anymore problems I just want everything to be good!!

I guess I just have to accept that he thinks everything is my fault. I lost it and started crying again and he thinks I was trying to make a scene in front of the kids and I was absolutely not wanting that. I told him I just want the pain to go away and he said just except it. It's tearing me apart I have cried every day for three weeks now! How do I control this ? I can't keep doing this!
He says this all started two years ago when I wrote a check that bounced. He said it broke down to years! I am sorry about it to this day and honestly did not do it on purpose but he won't listen to me. Why would this still be an issue?!! I said if things are not better by November I'm moving out I can't live like this, I feel like in dying inside, I wish he knew I really do not want to cause anymore problems I just want everything to be good!!

I guess I just have to accept that he thinks everything is my fault. I lost it and started crying again and he thinks I was trying to make a scene in front of the kids and I was absolutely not wanting that. I told him I just want the pain to go away and he said just except it. It's tearing me apart I have cried every day for three weeks now! How do I control this ? I can't keep doing this!
He says this all started two years ago when I wrote a check that bounced. He said it broke down to years! I am sorry about it to this day and honestly did not do it on purpose but he won't listen to me. Why would this still be an issue?!! I said if things are not better by November I'm moving out I can't live like this, I feel like in dying inside, I wish he knew I really do not want to cause anymore problems I just want everything to be good!!

I tried to put it on other thread but keeps posting to this sorry for duplicates

First of all, you need to pull yourself together.

Fighting obviously isn't working. You need to stand strong.

The two of you are in a vicious circle right now. You keep asking for reassurance which pushes him away and gets him angry which makes you more insecure. IT'S NOT WORKING!

You need to stand strong first of all and follow the 37 rules. They are not to make you a doormat, but instead will make you stronger. Your name is "Shewolf". That's a powerful statement. Be as strong as your name and stop the circle now.

Like MrBond said, you're engaging in damaging behavior right now and it needs to stop. You're pretty much doing everything that DB/ DR advises against. I think you're aware it's not working, so please, read DB and/ or DR and implement the strategies. As MrBond said DB'ing does NOT make you a doormat. It liberates you from what your H is putting you through, it gives you strength, confidence and independence. It is primarily for YOU. Often the newfound strength makes the LBS so much more appealing that the WAS is drawn back to them. It doesn't always happen that way, but even if it doesn't you'll find yourself better equipped for your new life with or without your H.

My thoughts- Get a grip on yourself. You have a tremendous opportunity. Your H is still living at home. I would give anything to be in your shoes! Make it a place he wants to be. Don't waste it. Seriously. Get DR. Read it. You can start changing your relationship by tonight if that is what you CHOOSE to do! I do not mean to sound harsh but from what you are saying there is little time to waste. You are pushing your husband away with almost every action. When you change how you act then he changes how he reacts and almost immediately the situation begins to change. Then you have to keep the changes up. Don't think oh we had a good day then slip right back to your same smothering behavior. It is REALLY that simple or hard. Once you start going through the motions of doing things differently then you can begin to think about your motivation for the things you do and really make a difference fundamentally in yourself. Keep posting. And my for myself I now have a new rule. Any time I am mad or upset I try to not react for at least 24 hours. It is helping. Really a different day normally gives me a different perspective.

Thanks for all your advice, I am ordering DR as soon as I get paid this week. I know what I have been doing is making it worse, I really need that book to understand the process better. Thanks I will try the 24hr technic .

Please keep us posted on how it is going! You CAN do this!