Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Need some hope.

Hi, Sorry you are going thru this also....and be assured no one starts out strong, everyone gets the wind knocked out of them. But there is hope! Read what everyone has suggested on this site and please get professional help. We have a great phone coaching program (call now and mention the $30 coupon available for first time callers)...I would be happy to talk to you about the coaching and how it helps you come up with a plan that can help you save your marriage and understand what has happened, as you never want to go thru this again. Take good care!

So, I guess I'm on this mode where I have to wait for my reply to show up. I'm a bit confused :p But yeah, I'm patient I've read some more posts on this forum, and I'm really relating.

Hi AF30, thank you for your support!

I know, I haven't had a good sleep since he left me....I understand your fear of going to sleep......Sometimes I had dreams where he came back to me, we were doing happy things, etc. Those dreams are the worst cuz I felt extra sad in the morning.....of course, nightmares happened too....I know I sound really weak, I never imagined having to go through this...And I was really cocky about the love my H had for me that I blinded myself for whatever was going through. I thought " we will fix that soon once we live together". But...the truth is, he doesn't want to fix it at all now.

He cut off all the contact with me now. Blocked me on all the social media sites. I still believe he will come back...but then my mind debate myself like....how in the world would he want to be back with me....I messed it up when I saw him in person and I know I'm not ready to face him now yet, and I don't know when I'll be ready or how to deal with him at the moment....I still want to explain to him that I didn't mean to mess it up....but...I don't think I should, or should it be any help at all.....I begged him to cut off all the contact with the OW and he never did, now, he cut me off....so....

And yeah, it's hard for me to stop those thoughts too....And I know exactly who she is and I wish I didn't know now.....H doesn't know I know who she is....but again, they got together for a reason, and I don't know how to compete with that cuz I've never met her.....or know anything else about her....

And, I don't have my family here, I moved to his home country with him, so i don't have many close friends here either...And this is so hard....I'm so glad I found this forum! I'm glad for you though, that your friends there are helping you see things differently and feel better!!

I'm trying to work on myself too, it's just really hard to not think about him or the affair that he's having..... Again, thank you, I hope we all can get thru this too!! I'll be reading your post once it's up. And I'll keep reading and working on making myself better, let's keep each other updated!!

The best way to get off of moderation is to keep posting.

Hopefully you will be off of it soon.

I think many of us here can relate, most people tell us to just give up on the marriage and walk away. In today's society marriage is disposable, few take it seriously. Even my marriage counselor told me it was over and to give up. This is one of the few places where you'll find hope, so visit often!



Read DR, it'll give you much more hope. Reading DR really helped me feel for the first time that there actually was a chance of saving my M. When you read about all the stories similar to your own, and then come here and read threads where others have gone through the same things as us and still reconciled, it'll make you feel much better about the chances. Unfortunately there are no guarantees, but with patience and hard work you've got a good chance of saving things.



DR talks about how you need to think back to who you were when your H fell in love with you, and you need to get back in touch with that version of yourself. Chances are you were mysterious, interesting and had a lot of PMA (positive mental attitude). You may not have any of those characteristics right now, but you can again.



DR will give you tips on how to behave around your H, and will also explain to you why you do not want to behave like you described above. It's OK, pretty much all of us started out on the wrong foot before discovering DB. But it's important to stop that behavior and start adopting DB'ing right away.



Yeah, I know what you mean. I wish I had read DR and the 5 Love Languages years ago instead of months ago. But it's never too late

These forums are moderated for very good reason, there are a lot of people that are hurting, confused, scared and in very delicate emotional shape and need the right kind of advice. The mod's want to make absolutely sure that new posters aren't spreading harmful information before taking people off of moderation. I think it takes 100 posts before you're off moderation.

It should not take 100 posts to get off of moderation for most people.

Here is a discussion I had with DB mod about the subject.
Maybe it will help explain

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...383#Post2243383

Thanks for the clarification!

Thanks again AnotherStander, I bought the DR book and read it but only once. I'm going to read it again. It did give me hope and the techniques it talks about seem really good. I just have a hard time figuring out how to apply some of those to my very situation. And the GAL thing, I didn't do too well. Before this all happened, since we were staying at different cities for school, I went out so often cuz I wanted to feel independent. And now, I do not want to go out with anyone. I feel like that is not my way of GAL at the moment, but I haven't figured out how to find my way of GAL yet. But I'm better at adjusting my mood now, and I don't cry so much anymore. I see this whole thing more clearly now, although, I can't help feeling sad/regretful thinking about it. I need to learn to deal with this.

And yeah, I do notice that I've changed, some good, some bad. I'm working on my bad changes right now, I'm thinking about writing all my bad behavior down on a piece of paper and see if i could cross some off someday....

I just can't help feeling like I messed EVERYTHING up.....although I do know that he contributed to this as well.....

And again, thanks for understanding!!! My biggest issue I think is I "can't " change. I promised I'd change but my old behavior gets back....I think that's why my H stopped believing me (and of course, right now, I really don't know what he's thinking, so...I'm just assuming)....I'll work on that part too. I gotta keep my positive changes.

Well...I guess I'll keep posting.

Thanks for the link! It totally makes sense, I'll just be patient and check out others posts and learn And wait till i'm off the moderation state.