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Well, she showed up at our sons karate class today. She didnt let us know in advance but thats okay. At least she showed up.

Conversation was light and a recent friend of hers lost her male sort of boyfriend yesterday due today. car accident.

She cant watch his yellow belt test because she is going to hang out with an old friend from high school instead.

No hug good bye today and i wasnt expecting it.

Ed

Hey there Ed... Sorry I've been out of pocket the last few days... they've been pretty crazy.

So I absolutely don't think that waiting a couple hours to respond to a text is a bad thing at all. Yes, it's a little game, but there's nothing wrong with getting good at playing it.

Chatterbug has a 24 hour rule which I follow almost all the time. Meaning you wait a full 24 hours before responding to any text/email whatever, so long as it's not critical that she gets the information before that.

And that rule obviously doesn't apply to critical conversations about the kids...

Best of luck to your S on his yellow belt!

Thanks Alkaline. I appreciate ANY replies and do very much understand that everyone has their own lives and problems to deal with.

I feel very lonely and lost and really dug a DEEP financial hole for myself after i found the love letters and i am trying to do whatever i can, bit its an uphill battle.

She left after his morning class to drive 1 hour away to visit a friend of hers.

I will find out next week how my son did on his test.

I am struggling with detaching though. I put her on a pedestal and truly thought i was a way above average husband.

I have to get out of my financial predicament. Dang, its a major big hole. Why did i stay shell-shocked for so long?

Thanks SO MUCH for replying though.

Ed

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I just noticed that she sent me a text 10 minutes after she left the class this morning asking me to notify her in further advance in the future so she can make plans to be there next time.

A friends wife, who is a mutual acquaintance went into a coma last Sunday and they were supposed to pull the plug yesterday, but she is showing some signs of improvement.

I told Wifey about her condition due to an alcohol and drug overdose and now she is real concerned and thinking about her, pet just received texts.

She never hung out with her though as she is my friends wife.

Ed

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She is really despondent about my friends wife and even said that could have been her with the exception that she doesn't do drugs.

She also said she texted me last week Sunday when she was having severe allergy attacks and that she would have gone to the hospital if she wasn't able yo borrow a friends breathing machine. She took off work on Monday because
she still wasn't feeling good enough.

She had to mention that while she was in the bathroom too long at her apartment her "Friend" that was over walked in to see if she was alright. She said, "He" knew something was wrong.

I didn't need to have my mind filled with that picture. Even though i know, i don't want the reminders. She has not ever told me where her place is at. I only know ow because of a change of address letter from her bank for verification.

It sounded like she might have been reaching out to me when she was sick though. Darn it, i wish i would have gotten that text. Yes, it's wrong DB, but i promised her i would be there at her side for always and forever after i found out i let her down when she needed more of me when her mom died.

Ed

Now you nice folks on here might think i am a lost cause because of that.

I hope not.

Ed

I was looking for my plat of survey at my shop/office this afternoon and found her beautiful custom designed wedding ring that she threw at my face back on August 25th of 2010.

It wound up in a seat track of my car and she was searching the car for it one time. Well, when i found it months later, i put it in storage in my desk at my office.

I never mentioned to her that i found it, but had always hoped and Prayed that i would get the opportunity to once again place it on her finger.

I presume that i should not mention it to her..... Yet, until hopefully, Some Day.

Ed

She cant watch his yellow belt test because she is going to hang out with an old friend from high school

Once again she chooses something else other than her son.

^^^ My thoughts exactly!

Ed, maybe this is something you should focus on a little bit... It may well help in your quest for detachment.

Now, I'm FAR from the authority on "How to Detach" as I struggle with this more often than not. I'm definitely doing a MUCH better job now than I was a few months back, but I'm FAR from where I need to be.

I do know this though: Detaching ISN'T about stopping the love and care you have for your W.

It's about DETACHING YOUR feelings from HER thoughts and actions... Not allowing your mood or mental-state to be dependent on what SHE says/does/doesn't say/doesn't do.

The best advice I can give on detaching is this: GAL!!!

The more you're able to GAL, the easier it is to detach.. The more you can see that there IS a life outside of your inner turmoil, the more likely you'll be able to make progress on your detachment.

Detachment is about SAVING the love you have for your W for a time that it's more appropriate to show... You can't torture yourself with what SHE'S doing/thinking/feeling or you'll eventually burn out completely.

I'm sure you'll get plenty more advice on detaching... And I'll be reading closely!

As far as the ring... DON'T mention it. Keep it in the back of your mind for "One Day". It'll be a wonderful surprise to her if you move down the path of reconciliation.

But telling her you found it won't suddenly change her mind.

And don't beat yourself up over missing a text now and again. It happens.

Remember that when your wife reaches out to you with all the issues she's having personally, listen, validate, and listen some more. Be there for her when she reaches out... as that's the best thing you can do right now.

And trust me, No one on this board thinks you're a lost cause because you told your wife that you'll be there for her in her time of need.

So tell me again... What GAL related stuff are you working on?

I visited with a friend last night that i used to hang out with alot before we got married.

Tonight, me and S9 went out with a group of friends for pizza.

Tomorrow, either visit another friends or go see a movie with S9.

Work would be me GAL currently.

Ed