GKM wrote you a great post, with some well thought out suggestions/advice.
Now you ask for advice again, is it advice you want or someone to validate what you want to do? And I don't mean this in a flip way, rally think about that.
What is it you want to do? How might that (what you want to do) help or hurt you?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
You just validated what I know I need to do. That is to let it go and worry about myself and children. I will not let her take another piece of me until she is willing to put as much effort in our M as I am.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Also, what I was wondering about with getting it in the open, is if historically it had a positive impact on DBing?
I understand the main goal is to improve ourselves, with the hope of saving our marriages. At some point we have engage our WAS, but for me I don't think that time is now. Not detached enough.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
I have spoken to one awhile back. Is there any reason that I can't wait until it is written up before I go back?
Just another bump in the road. Sandi, do you have any advice for me? I feel I am following the rules pretty well. I initiate non of our contact, so I would say I am pretty dim. I try to be pleasant and upbeat when I am around her. Joke a little, flirt a little(if she seems receptive.) I feel like it is the right path, just need to ride out the storm, and hope she will start to head my way. I realize it could be awhile. What would have been the best thing you H could have done during your sitch?
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
So I think since it seems that D is going to happen, I think that my best option is to tell her to make a appointment with a mediator. I think it will be the most fair and probably the quickest. I do not want to stall it. It does not mean that the emotional connection is gone. If she wants a strong self confident man, it seems that rather than going back and forth with lawyers, sitting down with her and showing that I am not bothered by it is the right way.
I am also thinking of a final speech before going as dark as I can, and letting her work out her issues.
"You want your independence, and now you have it. We are no longer a family, we are co-parents. You can't have it both ways. I love you more than you know, and when you are ready to talk, I am here to listen. But until then you are just the mother of my children."
I am not looking for a reaction, just setting boundaries. I know she is struggling with this but I also don't think a mother that would break up her family deserves much more. I know it may seem harsh, but extreme times call for extreme measures.
In the end I still want to be with her and keep my family together. Has anyone had any success with the hardline approach?
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
I am also thinking of a final speech before going as dark as I can, and letting her work out her issues.
"You want your independence, and now you have it. We are no longer a family, we are co-parents. You can't have it both ways. I love you more than you know, and when you are ready to talk, I am here to listen. But until then you are just the mother of my children."
"You want your independence, and now you have it. We are no longer a family, we are co-parents. You can't have it both ways. I love you more than you know, and when you are ready to talk, I am here to listen. But until then you are just the mother of my children."
M-34 XW-32 D-7 Found OM's presence 4/09 Separated 12/09 Divorced 8/10 GREAT relationship as coparents since 8/10
