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"I am not sure if that was pushing or just trying to open better lines of communication with each other."

That was pushing.

MrBond, could you reply to the comment she made on Saturday that i posted yesterday at 11:37 a.m.

Thank You,

Ed

She changed her mind. Don't bring it up again. If she ever wants to talk then be available and LISTEN. Don't argue, interpret, etc.



This is why you should never bring these things up. She already knows your position, you don't have to keep reminding her. Constant reminders will be seen as pressure.



Get rid of your expectations. Don't wait on her to contact you, assume she won't and go about your life. If she does then fine, but don't expect anything from her for now.



Tell me you didn't reply at 5:47 am! You don't want to leave the impression that you're in bed, phone in hand, waiting for her to contact you day or night. When she texts then take hours to respond. Sometimes don't respond at all. Create mystery. GAL.



32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because she is hurting and scared.

Don't try to figure out what she means, because she probably doesn't even know herself. She said "good start" which is a nice baby step, so celebrate that to yourself. Asking her to dinner was clearly too much too soon, so back off of that.

Ed. I 100% agree. I just got caught up on the rare up to now bone possibly being thrown my way. Ed.

By the way. MrBond and Another Stander, along with 25YearsMLC, i sincerely wanted to express my heartfelt gratitude for posting your interpretive thoughts on our marriage situation.

I will continue to re-read Divorce Remedy further tonight and then re-read it again over over and again some more, until the instructions stick and become 2nd nature, all along taking your experienced voice of advice to heart.

Ed

I'm not sure which comment specifically you're referring to, but it's nothing I haven't heard from other WASs. She doesn't want you right now and is in the selfish phase of things.

The Saturday morning comment about things are going good for now and lets just take things slowly.

She hasn.t wanted me since her mom was in the hospital and died February of 2009 and i discovered her 1st affair on September 27th of 2009. Then another man and keep pushing me away for the past 3 years, since and after she moved out on February 16th of this year, 2012.

Ed

"The Saturday morning comment about things are going good for now and lets just take things slowly."

Then this doesn't mean anything. She likes not having you around unfortunately. Her "things are going good for now" comment is honestly how she feels because she doesn't have to face anything or take any blame.

Don't believe for a minute that it's because of you that she's finding all these OM. She actively seeks them out or is at least in the mindset of getting an OM. Swapping people when things start going wrong isn't truth and it isn't being honest with herself. Unfortunately she has to discover that for herself.

You don't have to be so nice to her you know.

I do not want to justify or excuse her affairs,, but at the time that her mom initially went into the hospital, she contacted her old boyfriend who was her 1st sex partner from when she was 17 years old. He had made contact with her during her school bus route 5 years earlier dropping his nephew to the bus stop. He had asked her out for coffee or whatever. My wife at that time had appropriate boundaries and told him no and also told me about it and that she felt it would not be right, even though he had told her it was alright with his wife at the time supposedly told him it was okay to meet and be friends with other women. That was his 2nd wife and he was going through a divorce when my wife contacted him to let him know about her mothers illness, because she supposedly liked him those many years ago

My wife was going through s major depression at that time and this guy took advantage of her fragile emotional state at that time

Continued.

I deduced that they 1st got together on March 28th, 2009 and throughout that time up till September 27th, 2009, when i accidentally discovered there love notes between each other, i honestly and naively believed that she was occasionally going out with her old girlfriends that lived about an hour away.

She and he were texting each other 4,000 times per month and having about 20 to 30 hours of phone calls per month as well, once i checked out the cell phone bill i was footing the bill for.

Ah, Finally Harmonious Love At Last.....

After i asked her if she was seeing another guy, she admitted it. Contact eventually diminished but then she started texting her 20 year long best friends on again, off again boyfriend. On December 5th, 2009, after i had spent 8 hours helping my clean out her mothers old apartment, we got home and she passed out exhausted and her younger sister who i allowed to live with us was working a a pizza parlor.

At 10:30 p.m. my wifes text goes off and she doesnt budge, so i figure its her younger sister texting for her typical ride home from that part time job, so i checked out to let her know i could pick her up.

It was my wife and that friends boyfriend and she told him.....

I Just Need To Be In Your Arms Tonight Be Cuz You The Only Guy For Me..

Now, its just brought me back to even worse emotions as when i discovered the 2st love letters.

Oh, by the way, that day was the anniversary of our 1st kiss in 2001 which i had made special note of earlier in the morning to remind her of. I truly did remember all important celebratory dates of special occasions.

This is just all pointed out for background historical information.

Then several months later, when she was having lathroscopic surgery for fibromygila or an ovarian cyst, while she was in procedure, i heard a different cell phone ring in her purse.

After confronted about it 2 days later at home after she was in better shape, she said she didn't want me to know how often she was making contact with others.



I wonder after reading what i am writing and seriously wonder why i allowed myself to continue on with all that deceipt why i kept on trying to work Things ouy with her.

Oh yeah. For the 1st 8 years together, i and she seemed to believe that we were still deeply in love and had a great marriage.

WTF????? Where did that go.

But, she confessed that was the last string caught up in her web of lies.

.