Gb, I read your post on tvs's thread about the missing deodorant. I can only imagine the blowup from your H! It's those little things that really get to a person.
I like your balanced approach. Recognizing it is one-sided for now, letting things build in a good way, but knowing that communications and R will have to be worked on for a long-term M.
Not getting my hopes up but I saw that Retrouvaille is going to be in our area in April. Just gathering information and am happy with that timing. Do they offer that in Australia and if so are you interested for the future?
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
RH I googled Retrouvaille just recently, nothing near me unfortunately that I could see. Not any decent marriage workshops at all. It would be helpful to do something like that i'm sure. My IC always wanted to see my H, but I never asked him. He had said to be at the first bomb drop not to even bother so I haven't. From what I read its not really helpful anyway. Probably no great loss. I dropped my IC because I felt I was getting better advice here and DB coach.
TVS, I agree, families should share, but MLC'ers are a different breed "its all about me" remember.
RH..from your previous post...S25 moved out about 2 weeks ago. Of course I love him and a good kid deep down but caused me grief here because he always played me off against his dad. He has tried to get even with me since he was about 18 (I asked him to leave home then because he was being obnoxious towards me. Was gone for about 3 months then back home). He has never forgiven me.
Am sure the out of home experience will be just what he needs to grow up and I'm sure it will improve our relationship.
Hey TVS..things are going pretty well. Still would like to find a job, but in a funny sort of way I think H likes that i'm not working. I am only guessing, but I think he feels more important when he is looking after everyone. His mother never worked, so that was the norm in his family. At the same time, it has always been my decision if I worked or not. He has always supported me that way. Of course, his spending habits haven't changed at all. Still buying his smokes (frightfully expensive here about $25 per pkt), and I do without the luxuries so we can meet our budget. It really doesn't bother me as that is my decision too. He doesn't expect me to do without anything, its just the way I am.
I'm really happy that we are in a pretty good place lately. Some ups and downs, but getting through them. Even so I still think about what I will do if H changes direction again and goes down the path of D. I still make plans in my head about what I will do. I don't know if I will stand next time. Have been working hard on this sitch for over a year now and wonder if its time to get on with my life if he does. Am not sure I could take the hurt for a 5th time. Anyway that's in the future and I'm living one day at a time. I shouldn't be thinking it because I believe you manifest your thoughts.
Am heading off on a girls' weekend tomorrow, so will be doing plenty of GALing. The VALing will have to wait till I get home.
Have a great weekend TVS and keep your PMA up. Speak soon.
Hey TVS (alias VALbaby). Had a great weekend with the girls thanks. Always nice to do something like that. Lots of laughs, a few drinks, plenty of walks on the beach, and some relief from Mr Cranky Pants. Doesn't get any better.
Back to reality...what can happen now is anybody's guess. Hope your well. Will comment on your post over on your thread.
Would appreciate some advice. H and I are in a better place and are building on the positives. Not getting needs met from him and not really expecting to. Getting most of my needs met by GAL for now. I accept this because I understand where he is at in the MLC journey.
My S18 and D20 have struggles with him. He is detached from them and not too interested in his relationships with them or anybody currently. Sometimes I conflict with my kids because they think I am acting like a doormat. I try to get them to see things from H perspective and tell them that I will no longer come between their R with their father. They are uni students and need support but they are still old enough to move on if they really don't like being at home IMO. I've told them at this stage my R with their father is important to me and I will continue to work on it.
They have to work on their R with their dad if that is what they want and likewise him. I am sorry for them and love them but I won't be the meat in the sandwich any longer. So I validate validate both parties, but will not intervene in their squabbles.
I wondererd if anybody has the same experiences. My DB coach told me I needed to DB the kids at home also. So that is what my approach is these days.
Any suggestions would be welcome. Thanks in advance.
Wow Gal, you have a lot going on! DBing your kids too... You are truly DBing your a$$ off!
Sounds like your kids are old enough that you don't need to intervene in their R with H. And... Maybe this is just my opinion, but it is not their place to give you marital advice or tell you what you should be doing with H.
Glad to hear you are in a better place with H. Keep focusing on those baby steps.
I miss getting my needs met by H too. Sometimes just a "How was your day?" would be nice. Certainly makes you appreciate the little things.
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
