And to thank you again for the mantra...it's been helping me stay sitting and observe way more than i can express!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I keep meaning to copy something particularly insightful that T^2 posted last month:
Originally Posted By: T^2
Things just kinda flow along these days since the last update. Today W was sharing how something from our past made her feel, that I was an agent of. I feel like I have made some true growth in that I did not get or feel defensive (for once)...I saw that she was expressing what her experience was, and that she wasn't seeking to blame, just telling me her experience. I had an opportunity to apologize again for it, and that I get it now. Without any internal defensiveness or having to justify, be right, etc.
I learned a lot about how she perceives the world, and/or was reminded of it with acceptance this time. Funny how certain things in how our spouses truly operate are over-looked, or not accepted, or ignored/pushed aside throughout the M...So much of this isn't really that much of a surprise to me, when I am honest with myself, I just didn't what to see, or accept it, or thought it would change down the road. Some things do, some things don't, or at least not right now.
When we detach, STFU, and listen, we start to get in touch with reality and learn who our partners really are. Plenty of yuck to wade through, but it's how we find the good stuff, too. The real stuff, not the fantasy we made up.
A whole lot of opportunities for, "Isn't that interesting?" Opportunities to really get to know these people again. For real this time.
Wendy! Fellow recidivist. Let's figure it out this time, okay?
Yes, this is a different P than last time. Same old me. All my cats have gone to the great beyond, but I'm still surrounded by the fuzzy critters at the moment. I'll stop over and see what you're up to...
P did call to chat Thursday night and was excited to learn that I'd be home before she left for her Friday evening gig. When I got home, she wouldn't displace the lap cat to get up and greet me, but when she left I got a peck on the lips. Go figure...
While I was gone, P had news that got her worrying about her S22. That absolutely paralyzes her and had her questioning all her winter plans. Once she talked to him and determined he was fine, life goes on. I always have a hard time with that. Not the concern or the desire to help, but the mentally dropping everything and obsessing about trying to prevent him from feeling any pain.
Yes, I know it's a common challenge for parents. And I'm hypersensitive because of the sick R my mom and brother had. So, I'm always trying to figure out if my discomfort is due to P engaging in unhealthy thinking/behavior or if I'm being overly rigid in my thinking about it. Probably some of each. But, I know that I have to find a way to deal with it, whatever it is.
That probably means looking at my fears, feeling them, sitting with my discomfort...
I'm hanging on to me, sticking with my goals, paying attention to my PMA. Glad to be home where it's a lot easier to eat my veggies!
Feeling rather discouraged, emotional, overwhelmed today. I'm blaming it on hormones. Need to dig up some PMA mantras. Yup, it's a bad sign when nothing comes to mind...
NG, I think I'll get to the alt in a few weeks. Thought of setting up an account, went there and P's page popped up. I think I'll wait until she leaves and we're not sharing the computer...
Bug, thanks! That's an excellent one and I have a tune in my head to go with it.
Let's figure it out this time, okay?