Rough: Just catching up.....I haven't spent much time on here the last week or two. I've been incredibly busy and also really just wanted to take a bit of a break here. I think I was using this place as a crutch a bit and need to get into the real world a little more.
I wanted to tell you that I have and will pray for you. As others have said i've been there and its tough....real tough. We seperated about 7-8 years ago now and went through the OM thing....she'll justify it at some point by saying 'she' was 'done' with the marriage anyway.....of course, as others have already told you, theres also a chance she hasn't done a thing and just wanted to say something she knew would cut you. Its amazing how they will act, especially if they're not getting what they want. I'll repeat the mantra...believe none of what they say...im repeating that for you and for me because its so true.
Keep moving forward until you know that your done....thats really all you can do. You can't put your life on hold and wait because things may never change. So you get up each morning and move forward....and it gets easier, not right away, but it does get easier. No one ever wants to find themselves here, and im sure that any one of us would say we wouldnt wish this on our enemies....but here are the facts.
We're not the first people to ever find themselves in this situation, nor will we be the last. Others have gone through as much or more and have come through this as better people. And finally, as hard as it is to think about right now because my family and my wife were the most important things in the world to me even if they didnt know it.....but here's the big one...you were happy before you met her and you can and will be happy again. Your next relationship can be made great by what you do now, and your next relationship may very well be with your wife, but what you do now will determine whether its great or whether 5,7,10 years from now your back here posting on this board. Take it from someone who didnt learn that the first time.....what you do now can and will determine how your relationships go in the future. Use this time to improve yourself and let everything else take care of itself.
Keep moving forward until you know that your done....thats really all you can do. You can't put your life on hold and wait because things may never change. So you get up each morning and move forward....and it gets easier, not right away, but it does get easier. No one ever wants to find themselves here, and im sure that any one of us would say we wouldnt wish this on our enemies....but here are the facts.
We're not the first people to ever find themselves in this situation, nor will we be the last. Others have gone through as much or more and have come through this as better people. And finally, as hard as it is to think about right now because my family and my wife were the most important things in the world to me even if they didnt know it.....but here's the big one...you were happy before you met her and you can and will be happy again. Your next relationship can be made great by what you do now, and your next relationship may very well be with your wife, but what you do now will determine whether its great or whether 5,7,10 years from now your back here posting on this board. Take it from someone who didnt learn that the first time.....what you do now can and will determine how your relationships go in the future. Use this time to improve yourself and let everything else take care of itself.
Well said mate!!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
No kidding,thank you so much Carnac. Your thoughtful post means a lot and I appreciate your prayers. Went out with some good friends last night. Lived it up, laughed a lot and got my mind off my sitch, I had a great time. Moving a bit slow today but that’s ok.
One of my friends told me I should move on. He feels the views I have on my marriage are holding me back in life. It’s ok that he feels this way; he just thinks it would make me happier or something. I disagree with him because I am not done fighting and I am becoming a better person.
W called and left me a vm yesterday. The message was very different then most messages I receive from her. First off, she had a much friendly tone in her voice. She called for a couple reasons. She wanted to confirm that I will have the kids this Sunday. She said that when she drops the kids off she wants to cut some of the flowers growing in my yard and she wants to say hi to our dog. I will try not to read into it too much. I know she likes flowers and our dog but this is still out of the ordinary to hear from her.
My prayers are with my DB family and I want to give a big thank you for your support.
Rough: Glad you got out and had some laughs...its important to find some time to smile and laugh and realize you still can.
There will always be friends who think you should move on....my two best friends both wonder why im doing what im doing, but im with you, not only do I love my wife, but also believe this is what im supposed to do....fight for my marriage.
Stay strong and just keep moving forward...it gets better.
Yep mate. I'm glad you had a good time and about the friends who tell you to move on? Well, they really just want to see you stop hurting. You'll know when/if it's time to move on. I'm with Carnac on this one. We're doing what we're supposed to do. We're fighting the good fight for our marriages and our families ans we should be proud if it. Right now, I think you're doing great and it's nice to see these recent baby steps in your sitch. As you said though, don't see too much into it and stay the course.
Cheers mate!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Wow, I haven't posted on my thread in 3 days, rare for me. Thanks for your post Arsene. BTW, I really liked your most recent comments on AT's thread, it was well said!!
I am starting to go out with my friends more. Most of them would condone me getting busy with some hotty. You see, I go out with friends and put myself in situations that could get me in trouble, especially if I’ve had to many drinks. This is how I look at it. I am almost 100% confident that W has been with someone else. I am GUESSING that it’s nothing long term but who knows, all this stuff can always change.
I don’t want to be unfaithful regardless of what W does. I just need to be very careful because I could do something that I shouldn’t. I won’t be inviting friends over for a game of chess or crap like that. I will continue to go out with friends and have a great time, I just need to be responsible, stay strong and be very mindful of the decisions I make.
I am aware to keep keep my eye on the end goal and I need to clearly understand that what I do right now can dramatically affect my future. _________________________________ Freshman class of 2012 Me(M):38 W:43 Together: 15 Married: 11 D:5 S:8 W wanted separation 5/5/12 Stopped living together 5/5/12
“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude”. Thomas Jefferson
Rough so glad you had a good time. i know what you mean though...my friends also have 'encouraged' me to move on with other guys... a lot of them think i am 'not living my life' and 'H is having an A anyway so why does it matter?' kind of talk.
but it still matters to me. and yes i have been hugely tempted, but for all the wrong reasons (lonely, want of physical/emotional connection, etc). its just not time for that yet. the time for these big decisions will come...
hope you are well rough. and hope your kids are doing well too! (if we lived closer they could have AWESOME playdates being that they are the same ages!)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
