Still trying to have NO expectations, but I was definitely sad when the weekend came and went and we didn't see each other. B texted me on Friday asking if I wanted to go to a movie on Sat. night; I said "yes." Sat. came and it was 4:30 when he finally called and said an 'unexpected' military friend had come into town. B also hung out with a military friend on Friday night. So, he said they were going to hang out until 8 or so and would that be too late for a movie? I asked if B wanted to just hang out with his military friend. He said "yes" and thanked me for being understanding. He asked about today, but he knew I had church and then a hike already planned. So, that was that... AND, this was all after he had cancelled last Monday, Tuesday, and cut our Wed. dinner short.
So, today I called him en route to church and said I didn't feel 'wanted' this week and we had a real problem if an entire weekend could go by and we didn't spend any time together. I told him I could feel him pulling away from me this week. B said I was correct and he is struggling with figuring out how to let someone get close to him again. He thanked me for being honest and open and he needed to "sit" with what I had said for awhile.
Hmm...what to think? We ALL struggle with how to let someone get close to us after our hearts were ripped out and stomped on. I just can't figure out why I struggle with finding men who aren't so emotionally bankrupt? I'm concerned I'm calling in these particular men for a reason. Perhaps it's what I also need to heal inside of me.
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
It's certainly worth looking at. We tend to repeat patterns because they make us comfortable, even ones that aren't good for us. Why, i dunno! But, the fact that you're aware of it and thinking about it is a huge step. Maybe you know they'll always pull away first and therefore you don't have to. It's safe, knowing they'll jump ship first and you won't have to be the bad, damaged one. Anyway, sorry about your weekend. Dating can really suck sometimes!
Golf girl, yes he may have emotional stuff , but also have you read the rubber band theory in men are from mars, women are from venus. It explains this behaviour quite well.
So, I have a coffee date with a new guy from online dating this weekend. This one's 6'5"!
Seriously, I don't think I ever knew but maybe one guy who was 6'5" when I was dating in my twenties. But somehow, since my divorce, the guys I ended up dating (NOT chosen for their height)were 6'6", 6'4", 6'3", and 6'6". So this new guy might fit right in (and complete my basketball team!). Some kind of strange tall-man karma going on.
We'll see what the new guy is like, don't know too much about him yet. He's a musician, which probably means he's broke (most of my musician friends are) - but so far he seems organized and pro-active, which is refreshing, so we'll see. He's age appropriate at least!
He made an effort there when we first got back together, finally introduced me to his mom and took me to a couple of social events. Then he drifted back into his old Love Avoidant ways. I think it was just too uncomfortable for him, even that minimal amount of intimacy.
Last thing I sent him was a text to ask "Hey - it's been a month since we slept together, three weeks since I've seen you, two weeks since you texted that you were going on a 4-day fishing trip and a week since you texted me to cancel our last date - how do you think I should be feeling about this?"
No answer, of course. And that was over a month ago. Lol.
I'm done. He's just too broken to maintain even a minimally normal amount of communication and intimacy. Feel pretty stupid for taking him back in the first place, but hey, now I have my answer. On to better things (I'd say bigger and better, but really, he was 6'6" - not sure I'd want any bigger! LOL)
Ellie: I think you are well rid of him. He was never going to be what you needed him to be. But onward - I'm sure someone else is right around the corner for you.
