We had a great weekend. Nice to have the house just to ourselves, we painted, among other things (continue to use your imagination). Saturday night we went out for dinner and then to another place for pints. Had fun and laughed a lot. His smile finally reached his eyes, I told him that.
A few small things came up, one with his B and my feelings about them and this (he said they were open minded about him leaving, as oposed to my sister), Ellie's words of get the chip off my shoulder and the adage, do I want to be right or happy floated through my mind and I tried to see this though his POV. Another was a simple thing, but he made a peace offering later and that was real nice.
He brought up R talks a lot, and we talked about how good the weekend was, doing mundane things together and having fun.
Then I managed to get the flu Sunday night and he took a 1/2 day Monday to come home and watch the kids for me so I could sleep. I told him today that he was up for H of the year award. He later emailed me if I needed anything else as he wanted that award.
So all good, learned he likes to hear that he is appreciated and thanked for the tasks he does and things he says. I think he needs as much reassurance from me as I need from him.
Tomorrow is when he has invited me to his T session.
I'm really glad to hear how your weekend went. It sounds as good as you've had. I'm happy for ya, girl!!
Quote: So all good, learned he likes to hear that he is appreciated and thanked for the tasks he does and things he says. I think he needs as much reassurance from me as I need from him.
Stikes a chord for me!!! I only wish my STBXW had learned the same lesson you learned. And kudos to you for being open enough to learn it.
Thanks Sherlock. I hate to admit this, but even as I was realizing this I didn't carry it over to the LLs. Just making a mental note of what he likes, but now I realize it was/is an even bigger piece of the puzzle.
Steve, it was a good weekend, for the first time in about 15 months, the pit in my stomach wasn't there. I'm starting to believe this could be real and better than before. We talked last night and it was when he said he was thinking about a D in Nov 02, it was like a frying pan over my head--I need to change, things are going right and i want them to, he didn't get that frying pan over his head until he moved out and realized what he was missing and he wanted the good times back.
Still so much work to do, but as the theme of piecing seems to have become, I'm going to keep on swimming.....
Oh Jackie - I am soooo excited. I agree the I saw "Finding Nemo" at just the right time. I also hear "just keep swimming" in my head all the time! Thinking of you and saying prayers (((((Jackie)))))
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
The therapist was a get to know you session and it seems like we focus on what is going wrong, not right. She is solution oriented, she calls it brief therapy, not a delve into why things happened, because your mother did this to you, but to solve the problems and then check in when needed.
She brought up some good points and had us pegged. She said that we are both perfectionists, we want everything to be perfect and get antsy when it isn't. She also labeled us conflict-avoiders, we don't like conflict in our marriage and probably do more damage by not isolating a problem and attacking it head on.
She thinks I probably try to hard to get H in a good mood and that he should be responsible for his own moods.
She related some of Jung's theories that we all have three components to our selves: Parent, Adult, Child and that our interactions have a parent/child component to them instead of interacting as two adults. For example, my taking responsibility for H's mood or happiness is treating him like a child ( I never felt that way, but in retrospect I could see that and so can he) and also when he is telling me all the time how messy my office is and other things like that he is taking on a parent role and I the child. Not sure what means to go about fixing all this, but things she said to be aware of and notice. I see her alone next week.
So I feel funny now, and it is probably the conflict-avoidness thing. Everything had been going perfect the last few days and now I feel like we have just drug out old things and stated all teh things that went wrong. But, I suspect we need to do this if we are going to move on and I need to speak up and stop avoiding things!
Jackie - that sounds good to me too. I think there is discomfort when you start to out things back together - on both sides of things, but you are both doing great.
Retrovaille seems like it might be a good possibility for help too. I haven't gone, but from what I understand, it is helpful with communication.
Maybe take from the C what seems to fit, and consider the rest. If it doesn't fit you and your H, let it go?
Keep up the good work, the pma, the dates and your patience.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
