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Hey Girl, glad to hear u are well!

Hi Ryan and Vero, Glad to hear from you guys.

I am definitely enjoying the final days of summer with my girls. Funny as a kid summer seemed so long and now it goes by soooo fast.

Triggered today: H has been asking me for some time what I have planned for Labor Day Weekend since our D birthday is Sept. 1 and its my weekend. So far I havent figured out if we are going away upstate or what, I think we should have a kid party the following weekend when more kids will be home. He suggested a few weeks ago that we go to my parents vacation house that weekend. Today he sent me this email

Hey
Have u figured out labor day?
Just trying to figure out the weekend on my end.
Or should I just plan on celebrating D's birthday that following weekend?
Thanks


It is a pleasant email. I just feel like he is looking for excuses not to spend D. bday with her. Like he wants us to go upstate so he can plan another vacation. I dont get it, doesnt he want to spend the weekend with his D. Wouldnt the default position be, What time should I come over on her bday?

I have never been into bdays but all my daughter talks about is turning 4. She gets me excited for my own birthday. I will shield her from knowing that its her actually bday but it hurts me so much that he wouldnt do anything to be with her on that day.

B,
I think you are interpreting the email. I don't think he's looking for excuses not see his daughter. He's trying to make plans and if you are planning to go out of town, he would then plan something else not only for himself, but for your daughter as well.

Maybe you need to ask him if he wants to be involved in planning something for you daughter's birthday and see what his response is...just my two cents.

I know I am interpreting too much. I am very sensitive these days.

We have already discussed & agreed that her party with kids should be Sept 9. I havent replied to the email yet and will probably just decide to go out of town, I guess I would have hoped that he would have approached her birthday with a way to figure out how we can both spend the day with her. I feel like he is encouraging me to get of town rather then wanting us to stay so he can celebrate his D bday.

I agree that I am reading too much into this but it just hurts me that my D wouldnt be with her dad on her bday. I know its a special day for her and I want to give her everything and I cant give her, her Daddy.

Listen, you're making a lot of assumptions. Leave that at the door. Talk to him about it then go from there. I agree with snodderly.

I replied to his email that we will go upstate Labor day weekend. I included some other house keeping items and keep it light and causal.

Also we are both about to start a stretch of a lot of work. His L called my L yesterday and asked if during this period his alternate weekends could end at 7p Sunday instead of Monday morning. Again making me feel like he is just not that interested in the kids, only when they are convienent. I am not harping on this in my mind just noting.

I'm glad you responded to his email and provided info regarding your Labor Day plans.

Sounds like both of you have a lot of work coming up which means additional stressors. Be sure to try to factor in a little bit of "fun" for yourself and your children during this time. I know that little things tend to become huge issues when there is a lot of stress brought into the situation.

Maybe there is a reason that the lawyer requested that he drop the children off at 7 on Sunday evening, i.e., start times may have changed or he's looking for additional overtime. You may find out later on why he wanted to change the return time...just sit quietly...the answers will come. I know you are just jotting down your thoughts...it helps to journal.

Keep up the good work!

thks snodderly.

Issue of the day:

I need to reorder checks. H & I still have a joint bank account and the shared bank account is what I hold on to as a sign that there is still a chance. I really dont want to bring up any banking issues because I dont want to poke the bear but I need checks!!

Should I tell him I am reordering without his name on them? Should I just let him see the debit on the account? Should I talk to him about what I should do? The only reseason I have for not talking to him about it and just telling is because anytime I even vaguely imply that we might Reconcile he calls his lawyer. If I ask him whose names should be on the checks he may get mad at me and think I just dont get it. Havent I accepted that this is over.

thks all

B,
If I were in your shoes, I would order the minimum amount for now. If he should question you about it later, then tell him that you ordered them. For now, you do not need to poke the bear, per se.