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Remember it's baby steps. If your M was starting to turn around, now, what would it look like given where you are at? I ask myself this a lot, especially when I'm feeling impatient or defeated, and it really helps give me some perspective. Hang in there!

I do think these are very positive steps and I have been thinkning about what it would look like to not only turn the M around, but to keep it that way and to keep my changes going.

I have an observation that I am trying not to over analyze, but which I am curious about. While H has been gone, he has not been around one of his friends who I believe contributes to the toxic nature of what is going on with us. When he is home, and I've metioned this before, this guy is around him all the time and dominates any conversation while I am around. I also believe that some of the crap that gets unloaded on me is a direct result of H not standing up to him and setting boundaries.

If H's behavior changes when he gets back and is around this person in big clumps of time, I don't even know how I would address it without making H mad.

When H goes away next weekend, he will be around one of the same guys from this weekend and another guy that has repaired his marriage recently and has also told H that he needs to work a little bit harder on ours. So, I've started to look at the fact that even though I am mad that H is going away, he will be around positive influences. When H goes away at the end of the month, it will be with the toxic friend.

The toxic friend is the one from the BBQ competition. I can completely see the difference in our interactions between this weekend and the BBQ competition 2 weeks ago.

I know that I cannot change H's behavior. I'm just noticing what is different about our interactions.

H is back, and D and I went to go see his new motorcycle (he keeps it at the airport). It is very nice. He talked about taking me for a ride on it to see a friend's house. He also talked about me driving up to NC in November if he won another motorcycle. He wants me to follow him with a trailer if he wins, so he will ride one up and another one back. But mostly we talked about the bike, which was fine. He showed me all of the features on it and I showed genuine interest in it.

When I went to leave, I leaned forward to kiss him and he put out his cheek. While he was gone, he did tell me he loved me once in audible words and a few times kind of mumbly.

D is not feeling well, so I had to bring her back home. I wanted to stay longer because I was enjoying the conversation. I told H that if he wanted to take me for a ride later, to please call me. I also asked him what he wanted me to wear and he told me.

I am hopeful that we can continue the positive conversations.

GOOD!! What do you think turned it around? Was it the positive influence of this friend?

I honestly don't know what turned it around. It may be the new group of people were upbeat. I only know one of the people that he went with. It may also be the time alone to think without any distractions. And some time away from work.

He did take me for a ride yesterday evening for about 30 minutes or so up the highway and back. I tried not to be nervous, as I've never been over about 25 mph on a motorcycle before. We rode up to an exit with someone else, and when we got to the top of the exit, he told the friend he would call him and we would all go for a ride sometime soon.

When we got back, I told him how much fun I had and how much I appreciated his taking me out, which is the truth. I talked to him for a few minutes until he got into reading the owners manual and playing with the accessories. I left D16 at home and she also started calling to see where I was. At that point, I left.

He came home on time for dinner and we talked about the ride a little bit more and I asked him about the people he was with. He also told me he paid for the hotel but his friend gave him cash for his portion. I appreciated that because I am the one that tracks the money and he knows I can't stand people mooching.

He told me how much he liked dinner and we talked a little bit after dinner about the motorcycle.

Still no questions back about what we did, etc. So what I did was ask D16 to tell her dad about the dinner.

I will cross my fingers that we can continue this track through the week.

enjoy the positive interactions. what a nice experience for you and your H. it had to feel good with your arms around his waist, while you were riding, and the wind in your hair.

i'm sure he liked your arms around him, too. men like to feel protective.

I didn't quite get my arms around him. It's a HD touring bike, so I held onto the strap and put my arms on my legs when I got more comfortable. It's not really set up to hang on to the driver. We passed some speed bikes and he told me to be thankful I wasn't on the back of one of those. I did have my legs close to him. I was worried about getting him off balance.

He also moved the foot pegs down for me, which I appreciated. On the first bike he owned since we've been married, they were up so high, I looked like a grasshopper.

He's also sent me a text today, so he definitely came back a different person than he went. He said they may do a trip next month. If it is the same group of guys, I will probably push him out the door!

I will say that he is beyond words with this motorcycle. He said it is the nicest one he has ever owned and he doesn't think he will ever have the need to buy another one because it has everything he wants already.

Wonderful news. I hope and pray for you GA that it stays this way... just keep being sweet to him!

I'm trying. I'm making steak for dinner. I did have to call him today about our sick pooch, who is going to need surgery in the near future. And I had to text him today about a computer that is in our hangar that belonged to the friend that was killed. He answered both times and was pleasant.

I stopped by to get the computer and he is out on his new toy. Hopefully that will give him some escape before he comes home.

My biggest 180 has to be to stop reacting to things when I get mad. I snap too easily and that has to stop. I also need to do a better job of encouraging and supporting him, and listening to him even if he doesn't ask anything about how my day went.

Great insight! Anger pushes people away. I'm learning that, too.

I'm so happy for you that you're having better times!