Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Stuckville...population 2.

Since you're thinking. ; )

Communication is one of the corner stones to a relationship, and I misunderstood you on a realtively easy point.

Curious as to how many other people don't understand you.

More a point to think on, rather than a pointing finger. For me personally? I can always do better in that area myself.

I don't post every minute of my what's going on. and I don't post all the times I'm applying DB tactics (though I suspect to some the used of the word 'tactics' is a poor choice of words)

or some might say I was very precise in my communication.

Or some might say you can never be wrong. : )

Update...not really. But i'm struck by the odd dichotomy of my situation.

Obviously, I've been reading a ton on this subject. I look at how we interact at times, I look at what "successful" marriages look like, etc.

The good.
We rarely have mean hurtful fights.
Not to say we don't disagree, but it's never a grudge match
We have a lot of emotional intimacy (at least on her end) she is always talking to me about how she feels, what she fears, etc but this is usually work related. At times she will open up to me about the personal stuff.
I am getting better about being clear about what I want/need.
She still does a lot of little things for me...like taking my dry cleaning in, getting me a coffee, coming to cheer me on in a race.
She has been more active on FB "liking" or commenting on things I post.
We do get along great, laugh, have fun.
She talks about the future A LOT.
I'm trying to be very positive, upbeat, funny, etc.

However, the physical affection piece is near zero. I asked her in light of our recent convo on being stuck if she wanted to take a break from sex. She said she needed to think about it, I brought it up again, she needed to think about it some more. No other kissing, hugging, hand holding, cuddling, etc.

I think we need to have a talk with the gist of it. We've tried your way, not it's time to try something different. It's going to be a shock to her on what i think we should do.

Of course, my fear is that she only sees me like a brother/friend and has no sexual/physical attraction. Well, it's not so much as a fear, but it would be hurtful. Logically, I can deal with but really emotionally it's different.

You mentioned that she's a psychologist. Does she understand that men in general need physical affection to show worth? Does she know that's one of your basic needs? It's more a matter of her lack of effort.

Have you tried flirting with her and just having fun? Maybe you have to take a stronger initiative.

Hi Harrier,

So there you are with emotional intimacy from your W, but craving physical intimacy, while I am enjoying the physical part but no emotional intimacy from my H. Otherwise, our sitches are the same ....spouses home, having fun with the family, showing committment....

I guess women find it easier to show their love through words and affection, while men are physical beings. So when I find myself craving for affection, I just give it myself and not even bring up the topic. I know its probably going to be like pulling teeth, or worse, to get my H to say ILY to me, if ever.

I do think that you should not talk about it, just flirt, be sensual and sexual and one day she might just fall into your arms!

Regarding Retro. Have you talked to the leaders about making your weekend in a neighboring state (or where you have physical support for the kids), then your follow ups closer to home? We've gone (twice, in fact) and there are ways to get creative. Good luck!
Peace,
Goldey

Hi Harrier.

Just wanted to stop in and throw you some good luck.

Looks like you're still fighting the good fight and that's a noble thing.

Stay strong bud...

I supposed i don't really need to say this. But I'm done with this place...this time for good.

JTB said to me once. some people think they are too smart to think the program will work. My response is some people are smart enough to see the program for how it actually works.

Lastly, I will add we are 100% unstuck.