Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Divorced #4

So I have been in a funk today. Not really down, just thinking too much even though I have been so busy today.

Church again had a great message today. Prayer threw me in breaking down and crying in church. I want to so believe that we are here for a reason, but because I dont see results in my relationship with X, I start to think everything that I am doing is not being seen because I dont see him that often. I just feel sad and frustrated and sad.

I guess when our son and I went to the lake today, I couldn't get X out of my mind. I was like X would totally be going off the rope swing into the water now, or when we were playing volleyball, it brought back all the times we played volleyball together, etc. It just seemed more hard because this is our first holiday weekend we havent been together.

Then I know hes on the bike, and Im sure shes with him. But is he thinking of me? Yes. This is what Ive been thinking all day. He doesnt know any of this. I havent spoke to him since last night. I just through this out here as what I have feeling today.

I am a stronger person. I am more confident. But right now Im having a weak moment because I absolutely miss him. Hope all had a good Sunday.

MrsD: Im with you on the funk thing. I dont have any idea why I would be in a funk today, church was great...wife and son weren't there, but i didnt expect they would be, she was there last week and things were good so she'll push away for sure. So why in the world would I be in a funk today? I've tried all day to figure out why....all I can think is its a new month starting and it just seems like its another month down with no movement.

Maybe thats not the reason, but i've got to attribute it for something so thats what im going with.

Awe Carnac, sorry to hear your day wasnt much better. The weekend couldn't have been any better, its just that funk feeling that was there. I dont know. Hoping tomorrow, even though its Monday - will be somewhat better.. for you as well my friend.

Im with you, gonna wake up in the morning smiling and see if I can keep it all day cause its been incredibly blah today. Actually met a friend at the club today for golf and we both decided after about 5 holes to just quit and sit in the bar and grill for a while and watch tv and chat.....holy cow I never quit in the middle of a round, but I just wasnt feeling it today. And it wasn't 'all' about my sitch.....just a crappy funky day for some reason. Come on Monday cause today can't be over soon enough.

Carnac,
I thought about getting out for a round tomorros, but if the funk doesnt subside, I doubt I will. Maybe Ill make cookies instead. Lol

Just wanted to say hi to you Mrs. D. I didn't get through all of your threads but I did read the first one all the way through.

I have been looking for another woman on these boards with a similar sitch to mine. I also had a texting A, which I guess was an EA, and it got pretty inappropriate towards the end. Prior to that I had an "infatuation" with an ex-coworker that lasted the better part of 3 years. Similar to in your sitch, my H and I tried to work on the M when he found out about this "infatuation" (I say that instead of EA because we saw each other rarely and we never discussed any feelings for each other, but I guess some could classify that as an EA, and my H certainly did).

What was different in my sitch was that my H had become quite verbally/emotionally abusive towards me in the past year. So when texting man came along, it was a welcome change to hear how great I was vs what a screw up I was. So I know exactly why I engaged in this EA. It made me feel a lot better about myself at a time when I felt very, very sh!tty. I ended my EA at my husband's request but he still asked me to leave the house, which I did.

My H and I have just completed a 2 1/2 month separation, although we are not reconciling at this point. I was in a temporary living situation and had to move home to be with my kids. My H refuses to move out, so here we are. He has threatened D very seriously and states that he does not want to be together or work on it, although we have recently started ML again, which is nice in a way and confusing in a way. Things have improved a lot since we separated, but we have a very long way to go.

Anyway. Just wanted to let you know you are not the only girl out there who has made her share of dumb mistakes. I'll be following you!

Hi Regret.
Sorry to hear you had been in a similar situation as mine. Im so sorry your H had been verbally abusive. Is he working on that issue can you say? I will have to catch up on your sitch as well.

The A was a one night fling if you have it. The EA I had wasnt filled with emotion or feelings either. We really did just text BS all the time. But he was a good looking person, and I know that and the lies I told were the dimise.

Funny I had been sleeping pretty good from I guess the last time I looked at tye clock was 11:11. Wide awake at 12:38. I havent had one of these nights in a long, long time. Again when I woke my first thought was of X and how I hope that his travels were safe through the day while he was on the bike.

Then I prayed to God again before cominv on here for peace within myself cause I still feel the funk. I cant shake it for some reason. Im sure everything was fine while he was on the bike, but I worry. And maybe thats where the funk is coming from. Idk.

Regret - I do believe Im going to start reading your sitch since Im wide awake! I wish you the best! Will talk soon.

Clearly you two are still connected, aside from your son together. I have heard many stories of people getting divorced and then getting back together again, but the challenge will be inside YOU to fix what needs fixing.

I know that I have a lot of deep issues with feeling attractive which is what fueled my EA. I should have just gone to therapy instead but I'm clearly not that highly evolved. Hindsight is 20/20, isn't it?

It's easy to miss your XH when he is out of town and out of communication with you - and natural to worry. One of the things you are going to have to work on is just letting that go, as hard as that is.

Enjoy your Labor Day today.

Finally fell asleep last night around 245 am. Back up at 7. I do not miss those nights at all. So, you all know X asked if I could keep our son yesterday so he could go on a motorcycle run yesterday. And I did without much hesitation. Id be lying if I said I didnt because first thought she would be on the bike with him. I sent him a text this morning about 750 asking when he wanted C. No reply. I called the house 45 minutes ago. No answer. So either hes at her place or she is at his place. BUT our son always comes first. He said when he asked me to keep our son that he was going to get him first thing in the morning. It is now 10 minutes to 10. A part of me just really wants to leave. Go about my day. Not wait for him to make up his mind when his son is good enough. Another part wants to take our son to his parents house. Saying X was supposed to pick him up... hes still with gf. Another part will continue to feel like a doormat, and will wait for him to make contact. Thoughts???

Thanks Regret.
I feel we have a huge connection still as well. I made it about half through your sitch last night before finally getting tired. Ill finish today. I think if you havent tried IC yet, you should think about it. I feel amazing when I leave each week. I am working on me. I love the person that I am becoming. Last year at this time, I was probably out one or two nights and not even thinking about my family. I wish I would have/ could have stepped back then, but I didn't. But I am moving forward making myself the best option ever.