but I like Denver's advice on sending this email today...
Hey W,
In response to your last text yesterday, I wanted to let you know what you'd need to do to take yourself off the insurance and phone plan.
For [Insurance}, the login is [XXX] and the password is [XXX}. All you have to do once you login is "Delete Driver" and "Delete Vehicle" and you're all set. The next payment comes out on 9-4-12, so if you do it after that date, you'll have a full month to get other coverage, if that's what you decide.
For the phone, the login is [XXX] and the password is [XXX]. You'll want to select your phone and select "Change Plan" then you can switch to an Individual plan with [XXX] if you'd like. If you want to go with another provider, let me know, because I'll have to actually call them to authorize the phone number being switched to another carrier. This bill was paid about 4 days ago, so again you have plenty of time to get other coverage if that's what you decide.
I'll deposit the $500 for my half of the [XXX] trip on September 14 and should be able to get the $ for the couch to you by the weekend you're planning on coming down. Your [WORK] check will be deposited on Tuesday.
I hope that you are well and have a good weekend.
H
Edits above AT.
I understand what Chatter is saying, but I personally think that your version is good (with the edits). Your version is fairly direct (with my edits), yet it is kind and polite. I just don't think that you want to come across as p!ssed off. Which I'm afraid is how she will perceive chatter's version. IMO, you want to come across as 'to the point', kind, in control.
I haven't seen Starsky poking around the past couple of days, but i'm going to assume that he would lean more towards chatter's version.
I got this a lot during my sitch. Some vets pushed me to be MORE polite and kind, while others pushed me for a more harsh approach. I think that there is a time and a place for both. I see a lot of my sitch in yours, so I'm going with the kinder more gentle approach for now.
JMO.
Denver
P.S. - Your email is a bit wordy. Thus the edits. Also, you suggest that she still has to 'decide' on whether she wants these things. I think that she was quite clear yesterday that she does.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Well since she is still working then carry on with agreement. You mentioned earlier that she up'd and left.
So I posted under this thought.
The couch send her a cheque for that as well with the 500 bucks.
The phone and insurance are beneficial to her. She needs to build her credit scores again. This will help with that. This also helps her with being independent. This is what she asked for. So give it to her. Be business like on this. Get it done. You will keep her on to say hey look at me. I am taking care of you still. And you will use it in conversation down the road. That is just who you are. You should ask yourself why you are stonewalling on items such as this.
Some times actions do lead to consequences in the future.
I would think leaving you to be with another man would be an action that carries some consequences.
You are separated now. So give her a hand on this with separating the accounts.
There is no heavy consequences of anything in the future.
You get divorced : She has her accounts set up.
You get back together : You merge your accounts again.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
You take the words and you change and alter them into your own based on what you wrote and decide. With reading and understanding what we wrote to you.
We never expect or dictate that you write verbatim what we suggested.
That is solely up to you my friend.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Thanks Chatter! I completely understand your point, and think it is a good one absolutely. I'm just taking a less confrontational approach. I think the outcome will be the same either way.
And I completely understand about the "verbatim" thing... I certainly don't want to become "dependent" on other people's words to say what I need! But I greatly appreciate the support and sometimes, I can't have written it better myself!
And as hard as it might be to believe, I'd never bring up the fact that I continued to "support" her in the future. It's simply something that I am more than capable of doing right now and, as much as she's hurt me, I still don't want to see her suffer financially at this point.
I have decided that since this is a time of transition I wanted to make sure that you have a good buffer to change over the insurance , phone , and benefits.
I spoke with Insurance agent and at this date our insurance will separate. Agent Name would like to keep you on as a customer and is awaiting your phone call to transition to your new plan.
I will remove your phone number from the plan on this date. Here is the details of the plan ( .... )
The benefits will expire on this day : If you cannot get coverage please give me three weeks notice of the date your plan starts so I can adjust the expiration accordingly.
If you have any questions or concerns do not hesitate to ask.
Take Care Ladybug
Chatter.
Well long time ago....
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
So I'm anxious as hell about sending off this email, and wanted to post it here to get your advice before firing off... I don't want this to cause another firestorm, but I like Denver's advice on sending this email today...
Hey W,
In response to your last text yesterday, I wanted to let you know what you'd need to do to take yourself off the insurance and phone plan.
For [Insurance}, the login is [XXX] and the password is [XXX}. All you have to do once you login is "Delete Driver" and "Delete Vehicle" and you're all set. The next payment comes out on 9-4-12, so if you do it after that date, you'll have a full month to get other coverage, if that's what you decide.
For the phone, the login is [XXX] and the password is [XXX]. You'll want to select your phone and select "Change Plan" then you can switch to an Individual plan with [XXX] if you'd like. If you want to go with another provider, let me know, because I'll have to actually call them to authorize the phone number being switched to another carrier. This bill was paid about 4 days ago, so again you have plenty of time to get other coverage if that's what you decide.
I'll deposit the $500 for my half of the [XXX] trip on September 14 and should be able to get the $ for the couch to you by the weekend you're planning on coming down. Your [WORK] check will be deposited on Tuesday.
I hope that you are well and have a good weekend.
H
I like the tone of this one ^^^ -- you sound strong, confident. "I'll be just fine" kinda thing.
I do like C-Bug's idea about putting all the balls in HER court, however.
You take the words and you change and alter them into your own based on what you wrote and decide. With reading and understanding what we wrote to you.
We never expect or dictate that you write verbatim what we suggested.
That is solely up to you my friend.
What he said ^^^
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
See we know what is also going on in the background.
Waywards are lazy.
They want you to do all the work. Part of that displacement.
So you have a few things going on below the surface.
There is the race between you and realizing your a chump. Once you hit that chump stage it is over. You close the door forever. And believe me it will happen one day.
There is this other race as well. Between stone walling and doing all the work.
Her dream of separation does not include day to day hard work. As you can already see. She is unable to do any hard-work. If she was able she would have worked on her issues and her issues in the marriage.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
See we know what is also going on in the background.
Waywards are lazy.
They want you to do all the work. Part of that displacement.
So you have a few things going on below the surface.
There is the race between you and realizing your a chump. Once you hit that chump stage it is over. You close the door forever. And believe me it will happen one day.
There is this other race as well. Between stone walling and doing all the work.
Her dream of separation does not include day to day hard work. As you can already see. She is unable to do any hard-work. If she was able she would have worked on her issues and her issues in the marriage.
Again, what he said ^^^
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
