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I am saying that yes you should be fair. But if he offers more to you. Then take it and get it in writing and witnessed. Let him have this opportunity to step up and deal with his choices and what he thinks are some of his consequences. This may be the only true acknowledgement you will ever get from him. So do not deny him this chance.

You can be fair on Alimony. If you feel you do not need it or just for a little bit then offer that. Or the other way around.

What is important is to secure support for the children , 6 months to a year out of living expenses via work , alimony and child support ( or blended )

Then to fairly divide up your retirement income.

You do not want to leave him financially ruined. Nor do you want to leave yourself financially ruined.

hi zig..just saying hi. am on the blanket. missing you (()))

chatterbug - thank you so much

i actually read your post this morning and it really helped me to come around and lose a lot of the resistance I was felling within me.

This may be the only true acknowledgement you will ever get from him. So do not deny him this chance.

this was huge for me today - i really sat on it and began to change my perspective so much. at first it made me weep and weep - that this may be the only acknowledgement, but the more i began to accept that, the easier it became for me to understand where i stood and what i could accept myself.

so i am deeply grateful to you for giving me this other perspective. in accepting it, it has brought me a lot of peace.

aslo thanks for the suggestion about the temporary alimony - i think it is a great one, and will consider how i can approach it.

your last sentence - one could say that is a common goal for both of us. we care deeply about the quality of life that we give our s, and i know it is as important for h to know that s is okay at my place as it is for me to know s is ok at his.

thanks for helping me through the difficult time i had the last couple of days

hope you are well?
zig

i've been there, next to you - weeping quietly all day - but now i have a smile and am having a drink with all of you.

i brought the frisbee - wanna play?

how are you busting? i'm having trouble keeping up on all the threads - am going to have to divvy them up - one batch mon, wed fri, the other batch the other days i'm not sleeping enough!!

(((((( ))))))
zig

(((((((((((((((dear sweet zig)))))))))))))))

i just got caught up on your sitch and you are in my heart tonight..

the research is important...bc even though he could be a good guy, he may not have all the correct info either.

for example, the home equation, at least here in CA, is more than just who put how much money in the home, it also includes the current value as part of the equation. it may not make a difference, but i think it is important to know and understand it all for yourself..

i hated having to go and talk to a L... but I felt so much better afterward, I knew what to expect and that made me feel empowered..

but enough about D...

more about you.. i want to say how wonderful you are, to have spent so much time helping others on here when I know you have had a tough few days..you are an amazing woman, zig.

the blanket crew are here... black label tonight.

thanks ng- for the advice on the house.

i do realize those things - but h is standing hi ground on that - let's see what happens and what the mediator says about it this morning - first thing , yuck

it occurred to me last night - that he could be taking that stance because he wants to walk away from the responsibility of the house also. he's not acknowledging that he owns it halfway with me - but seeing it as oh this is all yours mostly so not really mine to deal with amy longer.

one of the things that i'm planning to do is treat my buying his share over as a business proposal - would i buy this if it was from a stranger by just saying okay, take it as it is? i want the inspections done again (he's going to blow that off and ridicule it, probably) and some things fixed before i agree to take it over.

otoh, i know i have to be careful, because he may get pissed and insist that i sell it. and right now i really don't want to move. this is not a house i would have considered buying if i knew i was going to have it alone. the only reason i can afford to live in it is because it's paid off.

i'm going to listen more than talk today.

forgot to write last night - actually i was just really tired - but i did a couple of good things for myself. i found out that the immigration application does not get affected one bit by any D proceedings. that was a huge relief for me. i actually realized that i do not want to have any reasons to slow this down.

i also think i found a lawyer - left a message for him, and hopefully he will call back today.

i did, in the morning - leave a message for h saying my appointment had been changed and so i was free to go to the mediator with him, and he didn't need to dance.

we talked a couple of times, and he sounds a tad bit vague about everything and keeps going on about how she is going to take care of everything. he keeps asking me what i want to do - which i find rather odd. it's as if he really really needs me to want to do this together - to sort of lead it?

i talked to a friend yesterday morning before this - and she was like - zig, drop the rope - stop trying to slow this down - just let it happen.

and i did - and there was a lot of peace - after that.

thanks for the black label ng - i'm enjoying it with you all

more later -

hope you're well - i'll come catch up later tonight

(((((( ))))))
zig

thinking of you today zig. waiting to hear how your day went.

lots of love ((( )))

Sending hugs and empowering thoughts for your appointment this morning.

(((((( ))))))

zig, just remember how far you've come and that this is just another bump in your path. I think listening is a good plan for today.

Zig, take care today. It will be fine in the end