Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Divorced. My fault, and cant move forward

Hey M. Day just got better. Received my copy of the DR book today. Unfortunately I didnt update amazon with my new address and it shipped to Hs house. Thought it was neat he handing me the book that is going to help make things better. Ironic maybe? Idk. Im just checking in as well as I sit in the parking lot waiting for my appt and I do believe I am going to start reading as I wait.

Contact tonight was the first since Monday as I had to drop our son for his visit. Conversation was very good. I initially didnt know if he was going to be there since he told me there was a possibility he had to work OT tonight so I told our son there was a possibility he was going to have to go with me to my appt. Told him I'd take him through McDs if he did. Course H was home and our son was upset I wasnt taking him. H said I could prolly still take him, and I put it back in his court saying that it was his night so it was up to him what he wanted to do for dinner. Conversation turned to his job and why they didnt work OT. I tried to be funny and made a comment that didnt need to be said, but it is what it is. He didnt seem bothered. So yeah. Took off soon after to come to the appt. Signing off for now to read. And Im sorta excited for tonight's session. Wondering where it will lead me tonight. Hope all is well with you as well M.


Oh. I didnt change from office attire and left my hair up just how he likes it. He noticed.

I commend you for what you are doing MrsD. Though you have a lot of hurt to overcome. Good luck!

Denver and Mrs D your both welcome for the post...i saved it for me but am here to give back as well. If you ever hear of anyone else needing to read that i'll be happy to post it on their thread as well.

Denver: Glad your gonna copy and save it...for me its about patience and I read it everyday to work on patience, but no matter where you are in your sitch I think its important at times to look through the other persons eyes and it gives us some real perspective.

Mrs D: I agree with Denver....you may have alot to overcome but I commend you greatly for working on it. I think you need to read the last part of that letter though and make sure that your not doing this just to "win"...im not trying to say you are, just make sure your not. For the rest of us, if there's not another involved I think we have to make sure we're not doing this just because we fear change....its something I did alot of soul searching about....did I really want this b/c I love her, or b/c of money, splitting of assets, missing my son etc.

I truly believe that im in this b/c I believe that marriage is for life, and because I love my wife with all of my heart.

One more thing....and no disrespect to MrBond b/c his advice is incredible and I see it all over in different threads but I thought he was a bit hard on you about your "past sins"....as long as your willing and working to change an A and then another EA is no worse than anyone else's sins in my mind. Did I have an A...no...did I neglect my relationship? Yes Did I have a second texting affair...no...did I give my wife space to be herself? No

Again im not trying to disrespect anyone, but it seems like your really wanting to be different and to get your H back and both of those things are commendable.

Great post Carnac! And you are right, going back and reading some of the things that touch us during this time of our lives is a good thing. Even if it reminds us of something that was painful.

Denver:
Just wanted to add here something here my sister told me once. (As a way of reference she's a counselor with a masters in psychology, but works in schools not quite the same but she always has some good advice. )

She told me once that a certain amount of anxiety/uneasiness is a good thing as it often spurs us to "become better" but that it can be very destructive if we let it go too far. I think it speaks to what your saying about going back and reading....not something you need a daily dose of, but not something you should never do either b/c it will keep your from becoming complacent I think.

Thanks Denver! I am determined to make things in my life better. I need to fix myself so that my kids don't go through the same stuff I had to endure when I was a kid and then forward. I can only hope my H sees eventually. I am not doing this for him. I need to do this for myself because I am unhealthy. If hes there at the end, that will be an awesome surprise.

MrB - I have to rewrite the letter with less "fluff". He wants me to get real in the letter. Said there wasnt any pain that endured growing up. Then at the end, try to forgive. T wasnt upset I stopped over at Hs house Friday. Asked if I learned anything from it. Told him that it didnt get me anywhere but feeling embarrassed when I left. It wont happen again.

Off to tuck my son to bed and read.

That sounds like a good attitude to have as you move forward with this. I am happy for you that you realize what you need to do for you.

CArnac,

I don't think I was hard and if it hasn't come across yet, I do think Mrs. D is to be greatly commended for trying.

If you read through the threads carefully it was to point out the reason why her H can't trust her. Plain and simple. Trust was broken over and over again and needs to be regained. It definitely isn't going to happen overnight.

Carnac - saw you posted so I thought Id reply quick. This is not a "win" thing for me at all. I love my H with all my heart to the very bottom of my soul. I just didnt take the right steps till it was too late. If I ever get the chance to have my H in my arms again, I will do everything to make things absolutely right goinv forward. But again, I need to get me healthy before I can even imagine H back where Id like him to be. I hope I get that chance. Hope. Faith. Believe. I have these working with me. Time. I have that as well.

I know I have made many mistakes. I am the only one that can correct my part.

This I know. I am determined to show that I can be trusted again. I have to be patient.