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Today I TM my H, sent him pics of our son sleeping and he replied back with a lot of smileys and on his txt it said " I'm going to see my baby today" and another "my son is beautiful I love him xoxoxo". An hour later he called home, my mother answered the phone and he told her he was coming at noon to see our son. She told me he sounded in a better mood.

Good stuff. Be sure keep your emotional state separete from his though. I only speak from my own experience that I'd let my emotions go up and down with my W's until I realized, I controlled my own response to life. It ended up making some difference in how we interacted in a positive way.

All this stuff is opinion so take what works for yoru sitch and discard the rest.

Another night in another city...*sigh*

I don't know why I feel sad all of a sudden, I cried a moment ago, I thought about H. His depression, the talk we had yesterday, the day we met...all those thoughts, really overwhelmed me. I don't know if it's normal to feel this way when I felt good about about myself all day. This whole situation sometimes makes me like giving him what he wants so I could stop having this emotional roller coaster. But at the same time this tiny little voice tells me not to give up, to wait and see. It is hard to see the love of your life just drowning in their own misery and you can't do anything about it.

This evening as I was parking my car in my garage I saw H's car parked across the street and my mother talking to him (H was inside the driver's sit). I was surprised, because usually H doesn't like to talk to my mom due to the fact that she's a very religious person and he's well an atheist. I walked towards them, said "hello" to my mom and H very briefly and proceeded to walk home. A good 20 minutes later my mom walked in and told me all the things she talked about with H.

My mother told me :" Honey, he told me he feels very guilty for all the things that happened between you two, he says he rather live like a piece of crap than making you suffer. He looked very nervous and tense also when you said -hello- and walked home he was looking at you with so much sadness in his eyes. Amelie,I know he still loves you.."

When she told me that, I little glimmer of hope lit up inside of me. I know I have a lot of work ahead of me to save my M, and I just ordered another book from Amazon "depression fallout".

I think you'll find the book helpful, Amelie.

It's a long road for this type of depression and your H will need to realize himself that he's depressed...trying to tell him yourself will make things worse.

Thanks GWN <3,

Yesterday H came over to drop the money for our son. MY mother told me he looked worried and in a rush. She asked him if he was ok, he said "I'm having problems at work tell Amelie, I'll give her the rest of the money later"


Today, I received a phone call early in the morning from my mom, I thought something happened at home, she told me that she had to deal with an emergency at work and that she called my H so he could come over and babysit the little one for an hour until I get home and she left him a voice msg and he didn't call her back so she called my sister and she ended up babysitting until I arrived home.

A while ago I TM H, telling him that my mom called him this morning and the situation. He replied back with what it seems a sarcastic tone saying "See I cannot trust your lovely mother to babysit our son, she better get serious on babysitting our kid otherwise we don't know how are gonna do with you working and me working" I replied " Our son is not only my mother's and I responsibility, he's your son too. I just got home and our little one was playing with my sister"
NO answer from him.

I feel like his depression is completely spiraling out of control...

H TM today, it surprised me because usually H never txts unless it is about having a talk. H's txt :" How are you? How's my mister potato head? Is my mom home?"

I replied:" We are well, the little one is cranky because he's teething and your mom is home. How are you"

I didn't replied back or called home all day (his mom was home to babysit my son while I went to a day spa)

All day I thought about that text, seemed quite odd....

He didn't replied back

There's no telling and from experience, you can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out these quickly little behavior deals.

But on a good note, it is an indication of him reaching out. Now that he has, don't be surprised if he pulls away immediately. Very typical WAS behavior.

How are you and what have you been up to this weekend? Have you finished the DR book? If so, are you trying any 180s?

I've done some 180's so far I don't tm or call him unless it is about our little one, I'm eating well, sleeping well and exercising. I'm pampering myself now, hanging out with friends and old friends. I'm thinking of going out dancing next weekend (something I haven't done in years since I met H). Reading lots of self-help books and listening to a cd by Louise L. Hay before I go to bed (positive affirmations). Also I go to church whenever I can or pray.

I try not to stay home, because if I do I get a bit desperate and my thoughts start to go wild.

His TM yesterday was a small step, although he didn't reply back. Today H is coming over to see the little one, I'm going out to check this trapeze school (something I always wanted to do).