If he were still a newbie, I'd cut him more slack. My concern is that mac has been at this for THREE FULL YEARS now, and he's no more detached than the day he arrived. More INFORMED, yes, but not more detached.
Part 1 write it out in WORDS, man - big fat juicy words. as in:
I will... I will... I will...
Start with 3 small ones - for e.g.. I will stop mind-reading w and friend.
choose your own 3 statements. choose things you know you can be capable of with a tad bit of effort (don't be too easy on yourself, ok?), choose 3 things that you know you can achieve in the next 2 weeks.
off limits for now: fixing the r, changing the r, influencing the r. on limits: yourself, your world, your life
we'll start by putting the focus back on you first, get you in a good place, and then we'll think about the "other" things
and then
Part 2: what do you think you will see see when you are reaching these goals:
as in- I will see...
you game?
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
A text from the W after me being dark for nearly a week.
Help!!!!!
Hallo hope you are well? I have found my sigaretts in your bedside cupboard. Don't know why it has been hidden. I will also appreciate it, if you can buy my sigaretts when you buy for you on a daily basis. I cannot look other people in the eyes to support me. Alternatively you can give me R400 a week that I can buy food and sigaretts. Need airtime and petrol as well. Can you please be so kind as to get some pasta for me for tonight. Need to go to Netbal. Will appreciate it. Thank you. See you later
And from me back (eventually)
Cigs where there because you didn't come home last week.
And now from the W with no reply from me (yet)
So you had to hide it away. Instead off just leaving it were is always is. I was suppose to went horse riding on Thursday. And look after "friend". You know she cannot do anything because off her knee. So what I suggest you do is when you buy sigs for you buy for me as well. Alternatively give me the money please. I am tired off looking other people in the eyes to support me. Thank you.
do you not have an agreement with your w in place yet about money?
What have you been doing about this the past few months. Have you been giving her cash every week already, or has it been that while she's at home you've covered the bills and she hasn't needed any
when you answer, please be really clear and specific, okay. because otherwise it's impossible to get an accurate picture and be able to help you
in the past, when things like this happened with my h, I would freak out - seriously for a couple of days - what's the right thing to do, if i don't do exactly the right thing, i'll lose h. that's just the mindset we're in until we are not. later you'll find that it's actually not very crucial what you do or don't do right now. the more important thing is to focus on whether your decisions are the right ones for you
maybe this will help for comparison - around month 4 or 5 , can't quite remember, maybe it was later (my point being that afterwards you can't even bloody remember), h asked me not just for money to buy cigarettes, he asked me to buy him a house!!
i freaked for 2 days, and then when i calmed down, i said that i couldn't - and he went ballistic.
it's part of the whole scene. you've gone dark - she doesn't like it.
I can't advise you NOT to give her money because i have no idea what your arrangement is. right now, focus on what your arrangement with her has been, or what you would like it to be and get your details ready and post them here first
you don't have to answer her right away - in fact wait until serenity and starsky have a chance to come on and give their opinion. she will probably send you nuttier and nuttier texts during the next few hours - you're at work right?
just ignore them. if you have truly been dark - she's just trying to push your buttons to see where you are at, and you MUST NOT JUMP TO THE BAIT!!
as far as i'm concerned - you should not be "doing" much for her right now.
but do some deep breathing here mac, and just realize that this is not as important as it seems to be, okay?
and start to trust that you can make the right decision. i know it's really really hard - i'm only starting to get the confidence now after a year - so i do know where you are at
the best thing - when in doubt about what to do, don't do anything. you can tell the WAS "I don't know, I need time to figure this out"
so focus on those things for now and we'll help you figure it out together
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
Part 1 write it out in WORDS, man - big fat juicy words. as in:
I will... I will... I will...
Start with 3 small ones - for e.g.. I will stop mind-reading w and friend.
choose your own 3 statements. choose things you know you can be capable of with a tad bit of effort (don't be too easy on yourself, ok?), choose 3 things that you know you can achieve in the next 2 weeks.
off limits for now: fixing the r, changing the r, influencing the r. on limits: yourself, your world, your life
we'll start by putting the focus back on you first, get you in a good place, and then we'll think about the "other" things
and then
Part 2: what do you think you will see see when you are reaching these goals:
